I have run into a huge brick wall with my boyfriend. We have a good relationship with a lot of love. We've managed to deal with living nearly 1000 miles apart for the last two years.
He tells me he loves me and my daughter and doesn't want our relationship to end and I believe him but I feel that he should have offered a better plan for our future.
We are currently , this moment broken up because I have always made it known that I expected to be married . He didn't want that from the start. I didn't understand and it hurt me but I remained in our relationship out of love for him and hopes that he'd change his mind.
Over time he changed his mind alot. The changes were not easy for him because I am his ...first relationship! He is fourty but had never dated anyone before me. That has caused a lot of stress also but I have tried to be understanding. However often it seemed he was being selfish. He never seemed to get it but it occured to me he'd not had to compromise in his life.
Now he says he loves me but isn't sure he wants to marry me because it doesn't feel natural to him. This led me to believe that our relationship doesn't feel natural to him.
He offered to remain friends but the thought of it leaves me feelings used and broken hearted after basically being a wife to him for over two years...
For the last few days we have only text. He has not called me and I have not called him. He told me that he'd have been happy to continue dating me but I kept pushing him about marriage.
I responded by informing him that for the last two years I have pushed aside other men who wanted to offer me what he seems so unwilling to offer me (the truth) and I did that because I love him & have invested a lot of love and time into us.
He then responded with Now you have me thinking. In theory, I think I could marry you. But its difficult for me to make a long term commitment.
I just responded with "ok" because forgive my ignorance but I don't know what WTH that means! It almost sounds like another excuse but maybe it means he is really thinking more..maybe it means he is imagining his life without me because I'm gonna help him imagine that for a while.
Am I wrong here? Should I just remain focused on the love we have and be content with that. Maybe that is enough. I don't think I will be as happy without him but I have a good life and we had a year long break which I rather enjoyed.
I may sound pretty desperate but I'm a strong person. I just need to know if I have a screwed up expectation? I do want to be married again but I want for him to want it as much as I do and I hate being the one to bring up the idea.
Most Helpful Girl
I agree with the Anon User below. You've been settling for less than what you want and, speaking from experience, that is NEVER a good thing.
You wrote that early on he said he never wanted to get married. Why why why women always think that men will change is beyond me. Maybe it's in our DNA. But the truth is they never really change. So when you first heard that, you should have started walking away at that very moment.
But now you're are so emotionally invested in the relationship you are really between a rock and a hard place. I think what you really have to ask yourself now is this one question:
Which is more important to you - staying with him OR getting married?
Apparently you've already gone through a divorce so I wonder why you are so adamant about getting married again in the first place. Do you plan to have kids with this guy? If so, that's the only real reason I see to getting married again.
For me personally, getting married is not a goal in my life... having a partner who is willing to commit to me for life is what I'm looking for but that doesn't require a ring on my finger. The relationship itself is waaaaaay more important than some license between us.
You obviously have a lot of thinking to do. Best of luck.1