Why does a marrried guy keep contacting me?

Started seeing a guy at work for sex more than 10 years ago. I was married at the time and he has since got married. We have stayed mates for years and call each other occasionally and meet up usually resulting in sex but not always. My question is does this guy like me as a person or is he just using me for sex outside his marriage, do guys sleep with women for this long without having any feelings for her at all.

Any advice greatly appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, it is entirely possible and probable that he likes/loves/adores you. Sometimes relationships/love is all about timing or circumstances.

    I completely disagree with all this preachy crap everyone is trying to lay on you. People change, sometimes significantly, when they get married; and are often confronted with unworkable circumstances that leave them incomplete, unfulfilled and angry in a marriage. When you realize you made a mistake, a lot of times it's too late and you are trapped or require time to heal things before repairing. Your relationship can be a refuge, perhaps because you two are not married, but nonetheless very genuine and real.

    Marriages are frequently complete hell with no workable solution. It's normal to turn to another who will give you what's missing.

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    • If the antichrist came on earth he would pose as a holy man, wouldn't he? ;-)

    • Reading your answer has given me plenty to think about and for that I'm grateful. I do have strong feelings for this guy but as a proper couple we would be a disaster lol. I just wanted to know wether I have been making a fool of myself for what I have added up to be more than 13 years of my life by giving out to a guy who doesn't give a shit. Thanks.

What Guys Said 5

  • He probably has at least some feelings for you, as you are filling an emotional and physical need that his wife is currently not.

    The bad news: YOU'RE CHEATING!

    Your question doesn't show the slightest remorse for making him cheat on his wife. Why don't you try and picture the agony on the other woman's face if she found out?

    Why would you continue to make love with a man who is not your husband? What in his marriage makes him seek this connection elsewhere? He doesn't think it is important to be loyal to his wife, but somehow you are deserving of his affection and feelings?

    Your logic is flawed.

    This guy gets what he wants physically without any additional commitment, as you've already proven that fidelity is not that important.

    Break the damn thing off pronto and encourage him to repair whatever is wrong with his marriage. You need to imagine (as a woman, it shouldn't be that hard, I'm sure you've had your heart broken at least once) the hurt of the other woman.

    As this guy is cheating on one woman, what's to say he'll ever be loyal to you?

    You've put yourself in a very bad position. Trust me when I say RUN!

    I give the same advice to young girls who are trying to steal taken boyfriends as women that are chasing married men, stop already. It is even worse with the married guy, as he has already committed himself for life. You are helping someone break a promise.

    This is not the answer you wanted to hear, but it is the one you NEED to hear.

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  • First off.. I'm amazed this "booty" call has lingered as long as it has. Some major events have happened for both of you over this time span yet you have had the occasional hook-up. That alone, knowing how booty calls have short life spans.. is astounding.

    Having said that, I would think he has some sort of feeling for you, even if it is, as one person puts it "old reliable". You have a comfortable connection in his mind, no doubt. Sex is tricky though. It has an element of non-feeling stress release for some. He might be one of those guys who found a way to keep his marriage stress free by having something "safe" on the outside to release his internal emotions. You are a known, safe commodity. He trusts you, and you of him.

    Even if it was just that, if you can both find a way to keep it safe and discreet, then keep doing what you are doing. JUst be prepared for the consequences if you ever get caught or let it out in the open. But then you know that already..

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    • Oh yeah that I do know lol. Nice to get guy's perspective and for all the comments posted thanks for taking the time to reply to the question. Guess I hoped I wasn't a complete fool and by the answers most seem to feel we have something other than sex. Now I just have to decide wether I want to carry on for another 13 years or get on with what happens to be a fantastic life and as someone else says give him back to his wife.

  • He's using you for sex. How can this not be obvious? He's using you because he knows you're easy and give it up whenever, so he's taking advantage of it. Unfortunately with your low self esteem and confidence issues, you look to sex to fix that, and instead, it's just making it worse, because the guy doesn't care about you, he just likes you because you're easy.

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    • Thanks for your frankness, although I have to tell you there is no way I have low self esteem and I am full of confidence with every aspect of my life. This guy just has some way of making me feel insecure about us. I know I'm cheating and this is part of the course but I just wanted a guy's perspective and you gave me one. Thanks again.

  • I don't think Icould have sex more than once or twice with a woman without having or developing feelings for her, but I'm not the Alpha and the Omega. I suppose other men can.

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  • yeah, you are his "ole reliable". anytime he wants it, you seem available. If you want more, tell him. if not, keep doing it as long as you are having fun.

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What Girls Said 2

  • He probably likes you. I don't think guys would sleep with someone repeatedly if they didn't like them in some way. However, if he's married he doesn't have strong emotional ties and it's still just sex.

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  • I previously had a sexual relationship with a married man. I cut ties with him because I wanted more then just sex and he couldn't give that to me. Well its been 3 years and this guy is still looking for me. Deep down he had feelings which he couldn't express due to him be married. You know honestly I think he does have feelings for you. I just don't understand why the two of you are not together.

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    • Hi. Thanks for your comments. We have never got together as I was and still am married. It's just difficult to know what guys are thinking and as I have only ever had sex with these two guys the fact that I'm cheating aside ( I'm not proud of myself ) I don't consider myself easy. I just have a very strong connection with this guy despite having left the same employment 8 years ago. I am sure in time I will get hurt but then guess that serves me right.

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