Would you say that dating is a numbers game?

I feel we have to date a lot of duds before finding the right one. Also do you think the percentage of people we can be with for 50 plus years (marriage) is pretty low? like one digit numbers?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not necessarily but for most people, yes. it depends on what "right" means for you, depending on what you're looking for and how much you grow and evolve. but for many people, id say that going through life and meeting/getting to know more people, not necessarily dating every person you meet along the way (nothing wrong with that though), lends you more opportunity to finding someone who is right for you.

    I also don't believe there's one specific "right one." I think there are more people than just one whom you could find at any given time and feel they are right. again, what feels right ten years ago may not feel right anymore, depending on how much youve grown, what you want from life, or the connection you had in the first place, etc.

    which brings me to marriage for 50s years. That's a really long time. My parents have been together since they were 16, and been married, unhappily, for a very long time but even they aren't near 50 years. More like 26 years. they would need to be married for that long all over again, and it doesn't look very promising for them. then again, they could stay together that long. how happy they would be in that marriage is another story.

    Look at all your relationships, all the friendships youve had and they few that you thought would last much longer than they did. Romantic relationships are often the same. People you thought would be there years into the future sometimes arent. Maybe because something bad happened, or something good happened, maybe because you changed, or they changed, or subtle negative feelings that were there in the beginning have manifested into serious problems, etc. Its tricky. I think if you find someone who can communicate honestly and openly and is willing to work on things and change together with you or adapt to changes, instead of letting things build up and go unsaid, you're ahead of most people, friends or lovers. 50 years or any specific number of years isn't important, to me, but if you have that kind of relationship, I think you're likely to stay together longer. Although even that isn't certain. Sometimes the changes that have happened, however open and honest of an environment you have in a relationship are insurmountable at this time and the change and need the other person has met is now freedom or the desire to do things that you aren't willing to do or don't want to do. Compatibility can change as well.

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    • I like your whole answer. Had a thought when it comes to people falling out of your life...sometimes it's not because one of you changed. It takes a long to truly get to know someone and sometimes (in romantic relationship especially) what you grow to learn about a person doesn't match the person you thought they were. The rose colored glasses tend to get clearer with time so you end up seeing them more for who they are & unfortunately, not everyone has the same moral character as yourself.

    • Yup. That's the harsh truth. I think "best friendships" are often much closer than romantic relationships, and I recently lost a best friend. Its disappointing to know that someone you thought would be there for years on can no longer be in your life, at least right now,and never in the same way as before. realizing that there is a side to them that you never saw or expected can be one of life's hardest lessons but you have to accept that to move on and grow. just appreciate the good times.

What Girls Said 5

  • I have heard that about every 7 years people change on some level, whether it is their priorities, their goals, beliefs, lifestyles, etc. Well if 2 of you change, it is unlikely you both will make the same changes. So, couples that are truly emotionally connected without the need to be rigid and require their partner to believe what they believe, those are the couples that can go the distance. Most of us will struggle with an ideal like that.

    I see more so that couples who do make it a long period of time just overall want to be married or married to each other, and because of that are willing to deal with the downsides of the relationship or find a way to enjoy life without needing their partner to be their everything or much of anything.

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  • I don't know if it is necessary to date a lot of duds. Dating different people is all about learning. Learning yourself: what you want, what you don't want, what you need. Learning about the different kinds of people that exist in the world. Some with great qualities, some with not so great qualities. So you learn more of what you want & don't want. And the more you learn the more you hone in on the right person. If you learn a vast amount from very few dates & relationships then lots of dating is not needed.

    As far as percentages go, perhaps that depends on how similar or different you are as a person compared to others. There are lots of people who March to very similar drummers. There are those who have March to rare drummers. Then there are those who March to a drummer that is completely all their own. I believe the ease in which you find people you can relate to, get along with, and be attracted to depends on how common or unique your drummer is. The more common then the higher percentage. The more unique...the lower. But that's just my shot in the dark thought answer.

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  • yes and yes

    dispite people throwing out terms like "you will find someone" and "there is other fish in the sea" I don't believe everyone has someone. I believe only a lucky few find that one person... and the rest of us just spend our lives looking (dating duds etc), settling, or just give up and stay single.

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  • Nah, we date because it shows us what's out there

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  • I think it is partly culture and beliefs. I see many happy couple in Brazil but when I got back to America, it makes me sad to see unhappy divorcees. My friend said that the reason she is getting a divorce was because she married too fast (within a year). There was a dating book that said that our brain produces chemical that make us feel in love in the first 2 years of a relationship. Also they say the happiness is time is at your wedding because it goes down hill from there. I think most people think divorce is easier than thick and thin together.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You could meet someone who would be right for you in 5 years but at that moment, is not. We evolve constantly as people. I've been in relationships that I regretted ending, but at the time I was in a different place and wasn't ready. Timing plays a huge part in finding the "one". Though that of course doesn't exist. There is no single end all person for each of us. Some are more compatible than others and that's it.

    Dating is just as much about finding out who you are and what you want out of life as having different friendships is. After a few meaningful relationships you should, if you're smart enough, have a good idea what you want out of a relationship. Learning from your mistakes. Some people still, will never figure that out.

    As far as longevity. The reason people stayed together for decades in the past (but not so much in the present) is because back then they were more willing to sacrifice to make the relationship work. People are far to selfish for that nowadays. We've become a society of instant gratification and if it isn't everything we want right then then we just move onto something else. We've been brainwashed by movies and TV over the years on what true love is supposed to be. We expect the euphoria of lust to last for years and when it fades, we split. That's why opposites attract but those with common goals last. People who are willing to work like a team and sacrifice are those that can stick together.

    I personally feel people are better off as serial daters, in and out of relationships throughout their younger years until they reach midlife. By then they have grown, found out who they are, their wants and needs, and are more importantly realistic in their expectations over what love really is. Just my 2 cents.

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  • It definitely is.

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  • It depends what kind of game you're playing.

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