Girls and guys that have never married before, would you ever marry a divorcee?

I personally wouldn't. My reason is, I would not get that feeling of fresh marriage that many newly married couples get to experience, AND, (I don't mean to offend anyone) I just feel that if his last marriage failed, there is a huge chance that ours would fail too. Of course this might not be the case for all divorcees, the only ones I would pardon are the ones that divorced because they were in an abusive marriage (as long as HE wasn't the one doing the abusing! O.o) Otherwise, I think other divorcees' reasons for divorce are not good enough and are for the most part because they were selfish, failed to accept the faults of their spouse and weren't willing to work on their marriage. Therefore, I wouldn't want to marry a divorcee because I would feel that he might not be willing to save our marriage if things were to start looking bad, meaning that he would not keep his vow that he made in the wedding, "...for better or for worse". Also, he might be much more on guard in the marriage so much so that if he sees a slight reminder of his last marriage in the 2nd marriage, he might bail out even faster. So nope, I wouldn't marry a divorcee.

Please if there are any divorcees that come across this question, feel free to share why my reasons are valid or flawed


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, I am divorced. I understand your reasons, and we felt we worked on our issues.

    My former (I don't use "ex" for her) has married, in a much healthier relationship, and much happier. We stay in touch, and would help each other if needed.

    My relationship with my "second" (widowed, if it matters) involved helping rear her kids, we were partners, decided not to marry, for various reasons. She died early, and to young.

    I think each relationship needs to be judged on the merits it has/had. In the case of our marriage, "for better or worse" made us realize we were going to harm (emotionally) each other. You may call that selfish - it is, kind of - but we are both better people for it.

    I helped rear two wonderful kids, still see them, I missed their mother and keep moving on.

    I have no regrets for my marriage, but we both agreed (after), we should have talked more, maybe been in our mid-20s, not early.

    I understand your feelings, I guess I would just ask you to be flexible. The second time can be flexible, tricky - but it can be wonderful.

    Thank you for listening, good luck to you. You seem a special and thoughtful woman.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Thats why I want to be certain I've made the right decision when I do marry. I don't really believe in the idea of remarrying. I view marriage as highly significant and need assurity it will last and view it from a spiritual perspective

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  • Among middle class Americans, second marriages are only 3% more likely to end in divorce then first marriages, which is surprisingly low. ( link

    Interestingly, the bride's parents being divorced is a higher predictor of divorce then she herself having been divorced already.

    Being young or poor are much higher drivers of divorce.

    Well maybe we shouldn't say drivers and instead say money creates a huge financial disincentive for at least one party to divorce.

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  • I'm married now, but if it for some reason doesn't work out. I don't think I wouldn't remarry ever again.

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  • Most likely not... The drama of ex husbands, and any sort of feud they have is not something I want to walk into. Some other man's kids are not my responsibility, and I could never love them or raise them like my own. Custody battles and visitation privileges... f*** that... Selfish girl that divorces guys to try and take their stuff... don't thinks so. Lack of loyalty, compromise, commitment, love, etc. to the other man leading to a failed marriage is only going to make her more guarded. No thanks.

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  • Yes. For one thing they won't be desperate to marry. They may well not want to marry again which is great for me!

    The reason I'm so against marriage is because I'm not religious so I don't want to conform to any religious conventions.

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  • no I got options

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  • id never tie the knot in the first place, disaster waiting to happen. marriage is for suckers and idiots. everybody I've ever known whos married is either not happy with their marriage or is divorced or in the process of.

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  • Well you said "never married"...but I married a divorcee..and always would have...some other guy's children would have been an obstacle but my wife was childless...I don't agree with you...I think that some people might not care if they get divorced twice but that a lot of others do not want to be considered "two-time losers" ...(:(:(:

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  • Nope because I would feel somehow the ex would be brought up sooner or later.

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  • Because I loved them? Is there any other reason? If love isn't enough, then you need therapy.

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    • yeah, unfortunately people's perception of love is flawed so much so that people 'fall out of love', leading to divorce. Real love shouldn't die out. The fact that the person divorced in the first place shows that they probably never loved in the first place.

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    • Getting divorced doesn't mean one didn't take marriage seriously. It just means that, for whatever reason, it didn't work out. Again, so what? Sometimes it just doesn't work. That's no reason to get all judgmental on them. There's still no good reason to turn divorcees down on principle other than your own personal insecurities.

    • umm ok? No one is being judgmental here, we're all sharing out own thoughts, which was why I even asked people to explain why my thoughts may be flawed. No need to get all bitter about it

  • about the abusive relationship. men can be abused in a relationship but I think it's usually emotional abuse or financial abuse (if he married a gold digger or someone hard to maintain)

    today I think there are some people who look to lightly on marriage and rush into things not really knowing if they are ready for it. it's not an excuse but something I belive people should think harder about.

    I think marriage should be for life "death to us part" and there are some pretty lame reasons I've heard like "I got bored" or "the sex wasn't good". If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone those are the sort of things you should work out before getting married (yes I think people should have sex before marriage) that way they know they are sexually compatible.

    other than the fact the divorcee might not be faithful or be willing to change with her partner my biggest worry is are there children from her past marriage because I for one don't want any. I might marry a divorcee but I would have to know details about the past marriage which is something that goes against my belief of not asking a girl about her past relationships.

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  • Yes. I have a girlfriend. She was married before, and it ended badly. We've lived together for several years, and if she wasn't so completely and utterly turned off by the idea of ever getting married again, I'd propose to her.

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  • I would - I think anyone who has been through marriage and divorce, will treat marriage a lot less frivously than some kid who thinks it's important that a marriage have a new fresh smell, or something.

    That, is priceless.

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    • thats reasoning is not very sound

    • Explain? You don't think someone who has been through divorce, will be more careful about choosing a partner the next time?

What Girls Said 4

  • I can't say because it would completely depend on the guy. However (I can only speak for myself) I never really "choose" who I fall for anyway. If I have feelings for him and we both want the same thing sin life, then I don't think that would change anything. Of course some circumstances could change that but in general this is how I feel.

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  • I think it would depend on the guy and why he got divorced. It would be more serious to mi if he had kids especially if he had kids around mi age. Just awkward. lol. well the last part. hahhaha. I wouldn't really see a problem with it as long as we are compatible and if he is looking for the same thing as I am during that time.

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  • I think it would really depend on the guy. Also, it would depend on if he learned from the past marriage and could recognize what went wrong and how to avoid that in the future.

    Of course, ideally I would prefer a guy who had never been divorced and who's parents had never been divorced but I wouldn't write off someone just because they made a mistake in the past.

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  • No. I'm Catholic so don't believe in divorce. Unless their first marriage wasn't religious.

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