I'm engaged? Too young?

I'm 17 years old, and my fiancee is 19 years old. He proposed last week, and as soon as he put the huge rock on my finger, I started getting the nastiest looks. At school, shopping, everywhere. I'm Mexican so it's a common thing for girls to get married young. However my fiancee is white and I don't think his mom agrees with the arrangements me and her son have. My parents couldn't be happier, considering they got hitched when my mother was 16 and my father was 18. Any who what do you think? I'm not pregnant or anything, my fiancee is leaving to the Navy in a year. We'll be getting married in January. Is it too soon? I have faith, since I was raised with parents that got married very early and are together 24 years later. I want to commit myself to my fiancee fully, and of course I do want to get married, but why are people giving me such nasty looks? Thanks


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you aren't too young. Handing over used up p**** when people FINALLY get married seems to be the thing in American culture. Your "too young" means you haven't sampled enough d***s yet. Smh.. Do what makes YOU happy. Other people don't live your life and don't MATTER!

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    • Thank you so much!

    • I got married at 21 I get crazy looks too

    • 21 is freaking old where I live! My cousin and her husband got married right out of high school, they are still together and 2 kids.

What Guys Said 4

  • 50 years ago, people would have considered you "older than average" for not being married at 17, especially being from a Latin culture where 15 was a common age for girls. And Mexican culture hasn't changed a lot in this area, but in white/European countries, this has changed a HUGE amount in 50 years. The average marriage age for women in these countries is about 30, and people now see getting married at your age as "crazy" and foolish.

    And while they DO have SOME basis for that, given that lots of careers require college and training and for many people, they are in their late 20s before they are able to really start earning money, not everyone lives that way. And to be realistic about it, many women go to college, start a career, and then decide to abandon it after a couple of years to become a stay-at-home mom, and may never go back to work, or may not go back for 15-20 years. You can do more-or-less the same thing, but at a much younger age, and without a mountain of debt. You might not have an "advanced" career, but not everyone even wants that anyway, and there are plenty of good, good-paying jobs you can do without a degree.

    The biggest difference is that you come from a culture that gives you realistic expectations of what your life will be like, while US culture has taught women "you can have it all" and many women who WANT to be a stay-at-home mom and raise her kids feel obligated to go to college and start a career when they'd rather be having their kids young and being able to be more active in their early lives.

    Will it be easy? No. Being a Navy wife is going to mean some hard times, with your man on deployment for 6 months at a time. He's going to miss birthdays, Christmases, and holidays, and that won't be easy. But your life will be what YOU make it, whether you get married at 18 or 38. If this is what you want, that's all that really matters.

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    • Thank you very much! I loved your answer! I'm already in a military family with my brother in the marines, I understand how hard it's going to be, and my mother was always a stay at home wife and I hopefully plan to raise my kids like that as well!

  • I am not sure it is anyone's place here to tell you what to do. If you truly love him and he truly loves you, and you both absolutely know this is the right thing for you, then I wish you a blessed and happy marriage.

    I think people have concerns that to marry so young means that perhaps you miss out on other things the world has to offer. Time to experiment, grow and learn about yourself.

    However, if you know this is right, then in 10 years no one will care.

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    • The thing is you would think I like going out, and going to parties or whatever, but I don't. I absolutely hate it. I'm a home person. I love cooking and cleaning, so I think I'll be just fine :) the world has nothing else to offer me expect my education, which I'll be doing while my fiancee is on base.

    • i didn't mean partying and things when I said the world. I meant perhaps traveling, different career opportunities, etc. Best wishes whatever you do...

    • I'm not really a 'career woman" but I still plan on getting my education. thank you very much!

  • Like many people in North American culture I don't think it is a good idea for people your age to get married. I think your parents got lucky. I also don't really know you or your fiancee and you both may be exceptionally mature and committed to make it work. This is probably similar to what people are thinking.

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    • I don't think my parents got lucky. I just think they really wanted to work it out and didn't give up like most people now a days do. My father has cheated and my mother decided she didn't want us without our father so they worked it out. Having that mindset to work it out no matter how hard it gets, I hope everything goes fine with me. I think I'm pretty mature for my age, I don't like partying, I don't like drinking, but I love cooking and cleaning lol

    • Well I hope you don't have the same difficulties as your parents. I wish you the best with your marriage! People are judgmental about about people your age getting married. Take good advice but don't let dirty looks bother you.

  • ask yourself;

    you're not even allowed to have a sip of beer and you're getting married. isn't that at least *a bit* strange?

    do you even know what are financial and legal implications of marriage?

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What Girls Said 8

  • You have to understand that was your parents history.

    And yours may not be the same.

    Just because you get married doesn't mean things will succeed.

    Every relationship is different.

    If this is what you both want, and you feel like you are ready for it, then do it.

    It may not be the right choice, but life is all about making decisions

    and gaining knowledge from them.

    If it doesn't work out, then its an experience you can take and learn from.

    Maybe it will teach you, "Not to get married so soon."

    If it does work out, what you willl take from it is, "Follow your heart, no matter what anyone else may think."

    Its all worth it in the end

    Some decisions we make are big.

    Some are small.

    Not everyone will agree with them.

    But what you have to realize is that this is your life, no one elses.

    Age doesn't predict if someones marriage will last.

    Commitment, Honesty, Dedication, and Love.

    If you feel it is something you aren't ready for then take your time (there is no harm in that).

    You have the rest of your life to love him, if he's the person you want forever.

    Don't do it because you want to repeat history (and think it will work out).

    Life is way too short to be in a rush.

    Think this decision through.

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    • You are very right, but my mother always taught me to trust him, love him, and NEVER give up, but you are right! Thank you so much!

    • Np :) glad I could help.

  • I personally think you are too young. When your parents married and when you marry are in two difference settings. There are better job opportunities, and fields now open to women that I don't think were as open 24 years ago. However I wouldn't give you dirty looks for it. I can understand why his mom is upset and there is nothing you can do but reassure her son is in good hands.

    If you have faith then I guess go for it. If you're that determine there is nothing left but learning after sticking to your decision.

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  • Personally, that's too young. I'm 18 and I know I'm definitely not ready to get married and settle down. Even some people who are "age appropriate" to get married, aren't ready.

    I'm Mexican too and my parents also got married at a young age. My mom was 14 and my dad was 19. When my mom turned 18 she had me, then about three years later she had my brother, and one year later my parents got divorced. It's great that your parents are still together but it doesn't mean your marriage will work out too.

    My family has always told me not to even worry about guys and just have fun while I'm young and that later on it'll happen for me.

    But if you're happy with it then great. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to convince you to not get married, you did ask this question for some opinions after all. So if it feels right to you, then go for it

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  • Please don't do that to yourself...you don't even know who you are or what you want at this point in your life. My boyfriend wanted to marry me when we were 19, but I had to have the strength to say no. As much as I love him, I have to think ahead. Do I really want to be at home doing his laundry waiting for him to come home from work when I could be focusing on myself and having fun? Take advantage of being young while you can.

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    • But for me, I love cooking and cleaning, and don't like going out. I've tried going out and having fun with friends, but I just hated it, hopefully things go right with me.

    • By focusing on yourself, I don't necessarily mean going out with friends. That also means focusing on a career and making your own money, living on your own and experiencing independence. My boyfriend is in the Army and it's very hard for us, but I'm still glad I did it. You're gonna be stuck with him forever eventually, and sorry but the reality is that when that happens the "magic" and the infatuation with each other will go away quicker. So enjoy your freedom while you can.

    • Very true! Thanks for your opinion.

  • Your parents lived in different generation altogether,you can't apply the same thing here,you should realize you are not ready for marriage and you are doing this as family tradition and would only be a regret once you get older

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    • Thank you for your input, I think I'm ready, since my mother raised me to never give up on marriage, and to give it my all, thank you.

    • life has more meaning other than marrying and having kids,yes at one point you need someone to settle down but in your case its too soon and you are yet to see the real life

  • you are extremely young but you do sound mature for your age. I hope it all works out for you. there is no perfect answer, a lot of keeping a marriage together is the people being dtermined to do so.

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  • I knew a few people who got engaged at your age. Not a single one of them ended up going through with it though.

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  • uhh yuuh

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