5+ yrs... No marriage... couldn't that be considered a compliment?

If you and your boyfriend or girlfriend have been together for more than five years could that be considered the ultimate compliment?

I mean think about it 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Now how many of those remaining 50-60% that are still married actually happy? I mean how many won't leave because they're just comfortable? how many still married cause they don't want to risk losing everything in a divorce? How many have simply just fallen out of love but stay cause they don't want to start over?

But

Without marriage in play the two of you are just boyfriend and girlfriend. Meaning that person is there simply for you or for you and the kids. No ring keeping them there, No fear of losing this or that in a divorce keeping them there. No, its you who keeps them there and what the two of you have.

so why is there this big need for marriage?

you may argue "its the cherry on top" but isn't the cherry on top just being with that person in the first place?

Updates:
So some of you have disagreed with this so now I have a new question:


If you were in a relation for 5+yrs and everything was going great but the other person did not want to get married. Would you leave them to search for someone who wants marriage?


New question: Is marriage even worth it? I mean after reading your responses(which are all valid) it seems it doesn't matter which route you take, married or not there's no guarantees. I mean today the person is fully comitted and then tomorrow theyre gone without a reason. So at the end of the day when you really think about it is marriage really worth?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree. Compliment might be too strong a word but I get what your saying- that the person is with you because that is all they want, not because they have a ring on their finger tying them to you. But saying that I may be biased as I am in a relationship for 10 years with no need or want to get married. Some people see marriage as a sign of commitment, I see actually committing to the person without legalities and ceremony as a sign of commitment but each to their own,

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    • @update; Whether something is worth it or not is a personal decision. To some marraige is the be all and end all, In their eyes a relationship is not valid unless marraige is involved, this I have experienced myself, people disregard 10 years together because we are not married eventhough we may be together longer than them. Marraige means very little to me as I simply don't see the point and don't feel the need.

What Girls Said 9

  • I wouldn't really consider it a compliment OR an insult, I'm just good with it :P I prefer staying unmarried but committed, but I don't think our relationship is stronger/weaker because of it. It doesn't change anything.

    How many non-married couples break up or are unhappy together? That's just life.

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    • @update: To me personally, no. I don't really care either way. But I know a lot of people just like the sentimental "value" of marriage so it's worth it to them.

  • in my culture and religion marriage means that you are now able to have sex and become a true family and have children. If you are not married then you aren't suppose to have sex and have children because it is consider a sin.

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  • I think that marriage is like a guarantee that you want to be with them forever. It's a nice way of saying you never want to leave. Without it, there is always the impression (depending on the individual relationship) that one of the people thinks they could still do better.

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    • Yeah I probably would leave. Not because I would desperately want to get married, but more because the other person never offered and I would take that as a sign they didn't really want to be with me. The other person should offer, but I don't have to accept.

  • I would not consider it a compliment at all. If you're together for 5+ years and there is no desire to get married, everything could end with no warning at all and you have the potential to lose everything because the court won't care if you're not married. It's not safe.

    And as for you update, I would definitely talk to him about it very seriously first and if he still refused I would get the hell out of there and find a guy who thinks I'm worth committing to.

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  • Its not a compliment. It just is what it is. If both people are happy with not going through the work of actually getting married great. If they both want to get married that's great too. The problem is when one person wants to get married and the other doesn't. That relationship should end and it most likely will.

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  • I wouldn't take it as compliment. Sure many people stay in a marriage because they are comfortable, but so do unmarried people. It's not the ring that makes the difference, everything you said is invalid. Because after all it's just that being married or not being married does not or should not change your relationship to a great extent.

    I would like to get married because I like the idea of being one family and obviously for legal reasons. And after 5 years my boyfriend would know that. If a guy doesn't want to get married I expect him to come up with that waaaaay earlier. If he does after 5 years that's plainly insulting

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  • Totally agree with you. As a female I feel that I may be one of only a few that feel this way though.

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    • To your update. I would never leave a healthy happy relationship. I see so many unhealthy and unhappy marriages and they stay because they think the sanctity of marriage is more important than a healthy home.

  • LOL sure that could be a good thing depending on whether or not the couple (both people involved) wanted to get married.

    When it comes to relationships in general people don't stay together for long and there's issues with loyalty and communication and commitment and all of that kind of stuff. It isn't marriage itself.

    But for me absolutely not. HUGE deal breaker if he doesn't want to get married.

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  • I agree to an extent. I've considered maybe not getting married. Part of what I like about marriage though, if we're throwing houses and children into the mix, is that is IS hard to get out of. I'm not trying to force anyone to stay, but I think both parties work harder and really think before they leave when they're married. Which is ultimately good for the children, good for shared bank accounts, and good for really trusting that this person will always be there for you.

    Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships break up much more often than marriages. While it would be a compliment that he stays, it also might mean that he'd leave a lot easier at the drop of a hat and not fight like hell to work things out. That idea makes it very very hard for women to develop trust and comfort in a relationship. Particularly when kids get involved.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You really think boyfriend/girlfriend relationships neither have conflict nor never break up? How old are you lol? Some of the most vitriolic bitter breakups I had the misfortune to observe were between lovers, a couple who only a short time before just like you boasted that only with married people is there any relationship drama and do relationships end. These guys went after each others' throats so badly, we had to restrain them, especially the woman, they were about to get violent with each other - in public!

    Sorry to burst your bubble but you need to get out more. Cohabiting relationships also exist in unhappy states where people are together just because they are comfortable. Division of assets post breakup after years of being together are WORSE than for married people and can escalate to violence. In a divorce, a judge arbitrates who gets what, and it's final. No such thing exists for boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, they have to FIGHT, sometimes literally, over who gets what. About the only advantage is in BF/GF breakups, the man won't have to pay alimony. Otherwise, all the bad things you accused married people of having, are found in other types of relationships, it's all part of being human.

    And sorry you don't think there's even one happy married couple in all the entire world lol.

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    • It would not make sense to stay in an arrangement where one person wanted marriage and the other didn't. That is a pretty big issue to be in disagreement over. A rather sort of major incompatibility.

  • The same could be said of a relationship that stays together for a long period of time. Just because two people are in a relationship doesn't mean they're happy either. I have a friend who knew a guy in high school who HATED his girlfriend and she hated him too, but they only stayed together because they were afraid they would never find new relationships. Being married doesn't mean that they won't fight and disagree. Likewise with a non-married couple.

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  • Like I said in my post... marriage is only worth it once you have a family and are sure you're gonna spend the rest of your life with somone. Marrying someone cause you're in love is retarded... We have 40% divorce rates which is insane. People just get married cause girls like to be called fiance as opposed to girlfriend since it has a better ring to it. Hehe see what I did there? GOD IM SOO F***ING SMART

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  • Lol why do you wanna get married? Girls and guys already have idiotic reasons to stay together and why they don't leave each other.. Marriage is just another dumb reason. Your guy probably feels really good about the way your relationship is now and doesn't wanna change it by marrying you. IMO marriage should be for when you have kids and theyre somewhat grown up

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