What do you think of arranged marriages?

I'm an Indian and it's in my tradition to have an arrange marriage. My parents want to find a guy for me, now that I'm in my mid-twenties. They are tired of my excuses and don't want to wait much longer. I don't have a boyfriend and I have never had one. I have dated before but it never lasted. I really want to marry someone who loves me but that might not be possible with an arrange marriage. From what I have seen, couples learn to live with each other. Love might or might not be there. I'm starting to feel hopeless that I will find someone by myself. At the same time, I am so afraid I will never be loved in an arrange marriage. I don't know if I can live with someone who has to live with me not because he wants to. Feeling stuck between rock and a hard place. I don't know what to do. Any help will be will be useful.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally wouldn't want an arranged marriage, though I was raised in a culture where arranged marriage is far from the norm.

    From my rather limited knowledge of arranged marriage, I know some parents will make a love marriage into an arranged marriage (where you find the person you want to marry through love and then your parents take the steps to make it more traditional). But that doesn't really work if you don't have someone you love and want to marry.

    The way I see it, you have two pretty distinct options. You can cave to your parents wishes and have them set up an arranged marriage. Also, from my limited knowledge, it seems as if you would be involved in the process of choosing a guy so you probably wouldn't end up with a guy you really dislike. Plus, your parents want to find the guy who is best for you so I'm sure they will do their best to find guys who will be a good match for you.

    Your other option is to not allow your parents to set-up an arranged marriage for you. That's somewhat risky because there is always a chance you won't find someone, but if you'd rather be alone than be with someone you don't love then this might be a good option for you. Of course, I have no idea how your family would react to this decision.

    You could try to compromise and tell your parents that they can start looking for a guy but that you might decide to back out of any arrangement they make. Still date and try to keep your options open. Who knows how you might meet a guy you'll want to marry. It might be through dating or it might be through the process of arranging a marriage. I think it might be a good idea to give this a try especially if your parents don't have a particular person in mind at the moment.

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What Guys Said 5

  • who gives a damn what your parents want?

    you need to start acting like a grown up woman and say no to this arranged nonsense.

    it's really simple, you step up to your mom and dad and you say "i don't care what you two want. I'm gonna find myself a man on my own when I want, how I want, and the one I want. you two are just wasting your time with this. period. end of discussion."

    and you're done. if they bring it up again, you just ignore them. that's it.

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  • I think you should get to know the guy first and see if he is your type, give it few months in the presence of your parents, then decide. That's what I think.

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  • sounds weird

    i'd go out and mingle

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  • to be honest, if the marriage partner is attractive and a good person I could care less.

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What Girls Said 4

  • It sounds to me that time has come for you to come to your own. Meaning break the mold and create your own. Take some risks and step into the unknown.

    I and no one here knows what those are and you don't know where they will lead. But that's how you gain confidence and mature. By knowing what you are made of.

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  • I'm sorry dear, I am against arrange marriages and I despise them with a firey passion with every bit of my soul.

    I can't even begin to explain how much I hate those.

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  • it is scary not picking your partner. but interestingly, I hear that arranged marriages have a higher success rate than love marriages. a lot of times both people learn to work with it and grow close to each other. sometimes I wonder if I would be better off with one :P

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  • If it helps, couples who have romantic love also have to learn to live with each other. Most couples don't have crazy, head over heels, knock down the walls feelings for each other like they do in the movies. That kind of love is typically only one-sided infatuation, and even when both people feel it, it tends to burn out fast or blow up because of incompatibilities.

    Most of them find each other at least moderately attractive and have a mutual agreement to look out for each other and help each other through life.

    Maybe your parents would compromise, by helping set you up with young men with traits that you find important, but not forcing you to marry one that you didn't want.

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