When would you start talking about marriage?

I have a friend who has only been seeing her boyfriend for about a month or two and already, he's telling her he's going to marry her. Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't propose until at least a year of being together. What about you?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not until after a year, at least. By then you should know where things are headed and you should also be comfortable enough with each other to have the important pre-marriage talk about kids, religion, money, personal and professional goals, etc.

    Should be engaged for at least a year as well. Two reasons - It allows time for wedding planning (if you are having even a small wedding), and more importantly you will have time to get used to feeling and thinking about what it's like to be totally committed to this person (after all, engagement is a trial period for marriage).

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What Girls Said 14

  • Well, talking about marriage and proposing are two different things. I think right about the three month mark, you should know whether the relationship is going to be one you can see yourself in long-term depending on how close you are and talk.

    I agree. I wouldn't have accepted a proposal sooner than a year from my husband, but then again, I was only 19 at the time. Still had a lot of growing up to do. If I was say, my current age now, 32, I'd probably be a little antsy about him putting a ring on it by 6 months.

    I think there are some people who will never be ready for marriage, not in 6 months, a year or this lifetime. And there are those who will get hitched one month after meeting and stay happily together till death do them part. We all have our own circumstances and realities. Time is relative. We just have to go with our gut and a little bit of common sense.

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  • Within a couple of months my boyfriend was talking about how he wanted to marry me someday and how he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It kinda freaked me out a little but I really liked him so I stuck it out. I think I've probably caught up to him in levels of feeling at this point but neither of us is ready to get engaged anytime soon. Talking about the future and actually getting engaged are two very different things. I don't want to get engaged for at least 3 more years...

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  • I was with my boyfriend for a month when he told me we were going to get married. I was majorly taken aback. He barely knew me! I think he was just desperate, honestly. Nobody talks about marriage that early on.

    I wouldn't expect the guy to start talking about marriage until about a year into the relationship. Then, the proposal, I guess 2 years or more. Some people say there *shouldn't* be a timeline for love, but let's be realistic here. You need to know the person before shacking up with them. And, what's the problem with waiting an extra year if you plan to spend eternity together?

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  • It takes me at least 3 months to decide if I want to date someone let alone marry them! Marriage proposal time should be between one and four year... eeek gad... how do you even know someone that well in that short of a time period?

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    • I guess it works for some people, but I can't tell you very many people for whom it does :-/

  • Never! I don't want to marry any more! lol jk, sorta =P

    No, but seriously, I do agree with you. 1-2 months is way too soon! You don't even know if you can compromise with the person if something goes wrong at that stage. I'd wait for at least one year - that would be my preference.

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  • It really freaks me out when a guy talks about marriage only a few months into the relationship. I wouldn't want to talk about it until at least a year, but I don't want to be officially engaged until two years.

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  • 3 years atleast, can't tell you how many couples I know break up after 4 or even 5 years. Gotta be sure.

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    • Wow. Three years seems a bit long to me.

    • Who knows, maybe after sometime we might start talking about it earlier, but yeah 3 years is what I'm thinking atm.

  • Three years. Then two year engagement. If I ever get married that is. I'm not religious so I don't really see the point.

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    • Same here. I don't really see the point in marriage either. I already live with my boyfriend and we like the way things are.

    • Well, marriage isn't only for religious people. Just saying :-)

    • Yeah but it's supposed to be. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman with the goal to raise a family. We've adopted and changed it. But it's supposed to be a religious sacrament.

  • It shouldn't take longer then at least two years to propose because if your not sure by 2 years your wasting each others time. yes I agree a year is good.

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  • At least a year definitely! At that point I think it's fair to discuss marriage as something both people are seriously interested in.

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  • I talked about it a year into my relationship. But nope he doesn't want to get married.

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    • What I meant was at least for now till the world gets better if ever. He doesn't want me depending on him for everything.

  • a guy proposed me in a week to marry him and we talked for 3 months then when I told him to meet my parents and talk about marriage he backed off lol...

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  • I'm in the same boat as you. I have a friend who does this. Last couple years he was dating this girl. Now they were only together a month before they lived together. And then a couple years go by, they move around and then they got engaged. Well the girl has barely graduated high school, and they were fighting a lot and she was thinking about leaving, so he proposed (great idea right?) Well she stayed, for about a month. He came home one day and there was the ring and a note. She had also told their landlord that they were no longer interested in renting the apartment so now he had to leave as well as deal with being dumped.

    He was devastated, but I was kind of glad because really they were going too fast. They could barely afford their apartment and now they were going to be planning a wedding? Plus their relationship was terrible. They were both obsessive, and I could tell it wasn't the best for either.

    He got over her really quickly by moving on to someone else too soon. Within 6 months of the breakup he is living with this other girl. And now they are having a baby...and most likely knowing him they will be engaged as well :S

    I want him to be happy, but I just wish he would slow things down and actually take time to prepare for these things. He has a lot of debt from his previous relationships (they bought a brand new vehicle even though they could not afford it, and were buying wedding stuff and tv's and other expensive items for their apartment). Now he is having a baby, which he is not prepared for.

    Some people just like to go fast. The problem is that sometimes it's better to just stand back and assess things for a bit, and plan ahead instead of just rushing into things.

    The important thing though is that your friend is happy. If your friend is older it might be okay. He probably is more established and can afford to do this. The problem with my friends were that they were so young (early twenties and late teens) and hadn't really been prepared for all of that (they didn't make a lot and were struggling) and also were going way too fast.

    I also waited about a couple years with my boyfriend before talking about stuff like that. It's just too soon, I was in school and he doesn't know what he wants to do yet with his life. I have graduated and have a good job now. So things are starting to come together for me.

    It really depends on the people and their stage in life. Some people are just ready earlier than others.

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    • SHE is 21 and he is 27 (he'd been married once before, got his first wife pregnant before that). Needless to say, I'm quite worried for my friend.

    • ugh I know the feeling, as you probably saw from what I said above. I've been through this type of thing before. You can try talking to her, and hopefully she will see your point of view. But if not you just have to let it go, it's her life and maybe she needs to do things the hard way before she can realize that this isn't a good idea. Unfortunately she might get pregnant or too deep into things before that happens. But sometimes there isn't much you can do unfortunately :(

  • there is no timeline you go with what feels right. going too fast is a concern but it depend on where the two people are in life. you can't set a time on these things.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I would talk about it after she brings it up. It depends on what their level of communication is...in other words are they on the same page about most of lifes issues,and if not can they calmly communicate to resolve disagreements? I have a friend that married his wife after 6 weeks of dating. They've been married 25 years now. Everyone is different. I agree, a year minimum. Anything over a year is even better.

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  • Whenever I feel the time is right. I'd prefer it if we had at least one big fight before I propose, that way I know she and I are meant to be together if we overcome the obstacles.

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