I'm separated. My husband hangs out with me behind his girlfriends back

My husband of 9 years told me 3 months ago that he was not happy and he moved in with a neighbor. He works out of town m-f and has started seeing a girl he met through work. We actually talk more now that before we even talk about her. We have a 9 month old baby and just bought our first house 5 months ago. I do t believe he really wants a divorce. His brother died 4 months ago and I believe he is maybe having an early mlc. I love him more than anything and I want to stand by him through anything he is going through. He tells me he has feelings for this girl and she is good to him but he also says there are things about her that are not good. He doesn't know he comes to my house and spends time with me and our son. He has been flirting with me and talking to me everyday lately when she is not with him. Is he starting to feel like he made a mistake but struggling with hurting her feelings? I really want to be a family again but I mostly want him and my son to be happy.

Updates:
At first our only contact was about our son for the first month. I still get what I need from his check and give him the rest which isn't much. We communicate way better now than before. We never faught before we just didn't talk about our feelings and now we actually do its nice that we can open up to each other no matter where this leads because it's good for our baby that we get along. I know my options that will make sure my son will be taken care of and I have whiteness to what he's doing.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're way too nice. I would not have any communication with by separated spouse while knowing they had someone else on the side. As if things were not complicated enough with just you two having problems! You will know when his feelings have changed, and he realizes how big of an idiot he is...when he tells you he's an idiot, and asks to come back home, while attending marriage counseling with you. If he doesn't do ALL 3 things...then he's just playing.

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What Guys Said 1

  • [sarcasm modus:ON]

    If life ain't complicated is can't be good.

    [sarcasm modus:OFF]

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What Girls Said 3

  • You think he's struggling w hurting his girlfriends feelings, but he's just fine to leave you, your newborn baby, and the mortgage on the new house the 2 of you just bought? An early midlife crisis? Plzzzzzz he's having an I'm an a**hole who doesn't feel like taking care of my responsiblities life crisis. File for divorce and take that loser to court for child support:)

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  • Sorry to say but your husband sounds like a right d***. You've just bought a house, had a baby nine months ago and he decides he's "unhappy", moves out and dates another girl? Then when he realizes that the grass isn't all that greener on the other side he flirts with you again?

    And you are not mad at him?

    I understand that you want a happy family. But my god, this guy is seriously bad news. He probably doesn't even know how to spell the word responsibility, or loyalty.

    You're probably hoping he'll break up with that girl and come back to you, but what makes you think he won't leave again as soon as he finds another girl?

    I understand that his brother died, but don't use that as an excuse for this unacceptable behavior . My father died when I was 16. I was heartbroken for years. But I somehow managed not to be an a**hole and let down people who needed and loved me.

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  • Wow, so he waits until right as you bought a house and have a baby before he bails and gets a new girlfriend? Sounds like a real reliable guy. And faithful too, considering he jumps to another girl so quick, and now appears to be cheating on her with you? What a mess. I don't know how you could forgive him. I'd push those divorce papers through so fast, his head would be spinning. Let him keep this work girl who's apparently so amazing that it's worth staying away from you and his newborn. And then has the audacity to come hang out and tell you about her!? Pardon my language, but he would sh*t his pants if you were doing this to him.

    You will be just find my dear. You will move on , get your life together, and meet a wonderful guy who hangs strong when the going gets tough. And he will regret this forever. I know, because that's what happened for my mom and dad.

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