I don't know if you can help with this. I'm married, almost 20 years. Seemed happy, but it starting to fade. My wife has gotten really into religion and church issues the past few years. (When we were dating, and in our first few years she never got involved in anything religious)I'm not knocking her beliefs, but it doesn't interest me. We used to go out and have fun, now she is always doing stuff with the church/group/etc...
Anyway, she knows that I'm not the church going type, and for a while she never pushed the issue, lately, she keeps trying to pull me in. If I say no, I get the cold shoulder and the silent treatment, If I say yes, I am put in an extremely uncomfortable position. Any advice you have will be appreciated
Most Helpful Guy
Differences of belief and commitment can be very problematic in a relationship. Religion is intricately involved in our behavior and our decisions about what is acceptable and not acceptable. The difficulty you face is that where you were once more similar to each other now you have a dissimilarity that is not insignificant.
Religion is not the kind of thing that can be forced on another person, and asking somebody to violate their religious principles is equally problematic. My parents have struggle with this for years. They have reached an equilibrium where my mom doesn't invite my dad to religious events, and he just lets her do her thing. Of course there are still tensions over religion, because I think my mother would like to be more involved, but she has some limitations to her involvement because of lack of support, and it is not fun to do everything alone. She is also a little loose with some of her commitment though and is willing to participate with him in activities that don't concord with her religious teachings. They are both committed to staying together though and try to minimize the tensions as best as possible.
Religion is obviously not something that everybody wants--in fact, I would say most people would prefer to have few religious commitments, even among those claiming a religion. Behavioral expectations and time commitments don't jive with a lot of people.
You don't have to become the church-going type if you don't want to, but you may consider attending the social events. People will get the idea that you only are there for your wife after a while although at first they will probably try to "proselytize" you. You may just provide a listening ear for her to speak about the things she now finds important. We all want to talk about the things we think are important. Just set up the ground rules that you just aren't ready or willing for anything more than a sympathetic ear and the occasional social event.
Best of luck, and I hope your marriage stays together happy.
P.S. Why are you man writing under a female account of a 25-29 year old when you have been married for almost 20 years? So in reality you are a 40 something married man.0