Without marriage, wouldn't each partner have to continuously work to be worthy of their SO?

Isn't marriage just an excuse to relax and slack off, thinking "Well, I got someone now, for the rest of my life. I don't have to try so hard to be nice, stay thin, look pretty, be sexy, etc..."

And if not, why not?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Mmmm perhaps for some. That does make sense...but there are those of us who don't seek that kind of 'settling'.

    My goal isn't to eventually settle with someone 'forever' but to find someone whom I fall in love with continually, and continue to do for them.

    I did, for a long time, worry about that. I stayed away from relationships for it. I was afraid of being 'tricked' into marriage, as I considered it.

    But that's a horrible way to live and think, I've discovered. You're basing your assumptions, in that thought train, on only negative observation and completely dismissing the other end of the spectrum. Happy marriages do exist, and anyone can be part of one, by simply doing their part and tuning in to their partner. By not giving up when times get rough. By not resolving to thinking of only their partners flaws, but instead remembering the things that you fell in love with.

    I don't think everyone goes into marriage with the intent to leave it, some just marry too soon, some marry for the wrong reasons, some are pressured into it, some 'settle', some marry with the odd misconception that marriage will...fix something, some marry simply because they presume you're supposed to if you're pregnant/have kids together. etc...but when marriage is entered with an understanding and a vow...by people who already have something sturdy built...marriage can be a beautiful thing. Like life, marriage is what the two involved...make of it. It's a matter of teamwork, and compromise. Working together to keep the romance alive and achieve a happy life...together.

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What Girls Said 9

  • 1) People in long relationships do that. I have a friend who gets heavy easily, and ever since she's been going out with her boyfriend for 3 months, she's completely let go and must have gained 15-20 pounds. He's a saint, and he won't say anything.

    2) People who are married may not "let themselves go" or "stop trying". They're just old so they don't have energy to do THAT much couple stuff as much as they used to. Also, when you're old, whether you like it or not you do get fat, wrinkly, and more unattractive. It's almost like having a roommate after being married for a few years.

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  • Don't agree at all. Maybe this is the reason so many marriages are failing because people stop caring. If you think that oh I'm married now/in a long term relationship so it no longer matters how I treat people or how I look then how does that reflect on your partner. Is it insinuating that they don't deserve someone who makes an effort. Yes there will be times things will get tough and those things fade into the background but knowing that the other person still wants to turn you on/look sexy/have you lust after them even after years together does enforce your relationship

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  • no there is always a risk your so will divorce or meet someone else! Marriage is a symbolic proof that you're committed to this person, and yeah in theory for better for worse, but in real life it doesn't really happen. A relationship between two people is always hard work and 'give and take' a requires a minimum of effort to be put into it, no matter being married or not.

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    • But only marriage carries the risk of crippling financial penalties if the guy ends the relationship.

      So... yeah, while there is always a risk your SO will meet someone else, why take on board the risk of financial suicide on top of it?

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    • Not a very convincing argument.

    • it's not meant to be an argument pro-marriage. I'm just saying that when you choose to be with someone for a bit then married or not financial risks are taken regardless.

  • Marriage is hard work {25 years }. It upsets me to see couples who think after marriage they can let things slide .I put a lot of effort into staying in shape & keeping our relationship interesting & I want him to put as much into it as I do. That's why so many marriages fail people slack off & don't work at it.

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    • I agree here too. People don't work at marriage. They work at dating.

      So would it not make sense to eliminate marriage?

  • This is so much crap. Ever heard of the little thing called 'Divorce'? Most marriages break down because people stop caring, whether that be physically or by not treating their partner as good as they did when they were dating

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    • You have obviously not read, or not understood the question.

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    • Great answer emzy.

    • I don't even know what you're trying to argue anymore, now you're just attempting to take incredibly weak jabs which is so very pathetic. I still stand by what I said. Marriage is not an excuse to let yourself go because marriages, like other relationships can break down; whether that be divorce, cheating etc.etc. Marriages require a lot of work in order to be successful, anyone who thinks any different is an idiot.

  • depends on the person. I don't intend to let myself go or slack of. if anything its the opposite for me

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  • no, if you want any relationship to last it takes hard work

    i notice you mentioned mainly superficial things here, "look pretty, stay thin, be sexy" I mean people have to be a little realistic, people do age and grow less pretty with time that's an undeniable certainty for everyone,

    if you can't wrap your head around that idea, if it never occurred to you that your partner might not always be as thin and as wrinkle free in thirty years time then maybe marriage is not for you.

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  • Maybe some dummies think this way but for example for me it's really important to look as perfect as possible at all times married or not because I don't only dress uo "to get someone"

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  • I defiantly agree with this, but I also believe it opens you to a new chapter in life where looks are not as important, it is more about love, than lust, you two are possibly building a family together, there will be tough times, your partner may be stressed out from work and looking hagarded but you stick through it because the same could happen to you, it is about believing in the other person, having faith relationship, yadda yadda

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What Guys Said 9

  • Yeah, you relax too much when you're married and you get the boot. Marriage is hard work man, sometimes. You have to make sure your wife knows you still love her, still find her sexy smart and challenging. Make sure she sees that you've got your act together and can provide. I treat her like my partner in life, but as a man I don't burden her with my problems. But I think marriage is definitely worth the effort, absolutely. It gives you a solid foundation in your life, and one person to share your life with. You're still your own person, but you have someone you can really trust to have your back.. and to be trustworthy for. Then you talk about having kids.. LOL

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  • Thats why its reffered to as 'settling down'.

    I know id be tired after a lifetime of exercising, grooming and getting myself out there like I would as a teenager.

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  • Without marriage, we'd all have to work so hard to get attention all the time, that we'd stay thing without even thinking about it.

    But we'd be too tiredfrom all the flirting fo look pretty or handsome, I think.

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  • It depends what they want in marriage.

    If you want to be loved and desired, you have to keep putting in the effort.

    If all you care about is that they are generally around and you have a claim on their money, then yes, things would be different.

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  • Nope. Marriage is hard work. You have to work hard at a marriage. If you don't, you'll either end up divorced or living in an unhappy marriage - neither is good.

    We are all guilty of taking the other person for granted sometimes and none of us are perfect. You need to be honest and about your mistakes and shortcomings and work to fix them.

    It's not complicated. Been preoccupied this week and not noticed your spouse as much as you should or shown them enough affection? On Saturday make them breakfast in bed and take them out for a nice day. I think most of us will forgive a lot - as long as we feel loved and appreciated.

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  • You have a good point. However, that's stressful. I wouldn't want to worry about my partner when I'm older.

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  • Wow you seem pretty angry so I will not answer this the honest way.

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  • Marriage as are most relationships are hard work and worth it if you find a loyal partner to share laughs and love with.

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  • No. Marriage should NOT cause a person to relax when it comes to showing love to a SO. Each spouse should continue to strive each day to be the best SO. Just because you have a license doesn't mean you're done with proving yourself. Marriage is a lot of hard work. As long as each person enters marriage with realistic expectation and both try to please the other without expecting anything in return...you will likely have a healthy marriage for a long time.

    With divorce as common as it is these days...it seems people disregard the marriage vows they made anyway...making a ring and marriage a license as binding as a weather forceast

    If people would treat each other in marriage as they did while dating, there wouldn't be a need for divorce lawyers. Actually, you need to work harder once married.

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    • I agree with what you're saying, but -

      "If people would treat each other in marriage as they did while dating, "

      To me that's the same as saying... if there was no marriage, and people stayed the same as when they were dating...

      You see what I mean?

    • I mean behavior wise. Seems like when people marry, the excitement fades...guys don't take their wives on dates as much. They don't speak or do sweet things for them just because. Likewise the girl changes her behavior. She doesn't dress as nicely, or take care of herself as well, or give him random back rubs like she did while dating. When I counsel married folks, my first question is when's the last date you've been on? They look at me with blank stares.

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