Men: Who do you get married?

During a seminar lecture on cultural anthropology, one speaker asked, "why wouldn't two people get married?" The entire panel responded, "that's not the question; the question is not 'why wouldn't' someone do something, but 'why would' someone do something; the correct question we should be asking is 'why are people getting married?'"

Studies found, that at least among men, the four most common reasons were because of pressure from: (1) family, (2) society, (3) their partner, or (4) some other indirect source. Many men initially felt ashamed to admit they only though about marriage because of external pressures, and instead tried to use masking justifications to persuade the interviewer that marriage was not the result of any external pressures. However, those justifications again stemmed from the main four external pressures: "you can't just start a family without getting married, I don't want my children to be bastards" (family); "that's just what people do" (society); "because I don't want my partner to feel like I don't love her; people who really love each other get married" (partner); "because I'm mature enough as a man to want to settle down at this point in my life" (identity; external pressure).

Also interesting, except for legal professionals, no other man that was interviewed described marriage as a "contract, legal relationship," or "financial relationship." Men who were already married eluded to these concepts by describing the "potential legal" or "potential financial liability" in the event of a divorce. However, most unmarried men did not use language even suggesting potential legal or financial liability, nor language suggesting that marriage was in any way a financial or legal union.

I'm curious to hear how men on GaG feel. Without getting cynical or negative and turning this into a emotional rant, and also without stoking your emotional ego-penis on how "good" and altruistic of a person you are ... how do you feel towards marriage ... and most importantly ... why?

  • My family expects me to
    19% (3)8% (1)14% (4)Vote
  • Society expects me to
    0% (0)23% (3)10% (3)Vote
  • My girlfriend expects me to
    25% (4)8% (1)17% (5)Vote
  • I feel pressured to
    12% (2)15% (2)14% (4)Vote
  • I genuinely want to get married because ...
    44% (7)46% (6)45% (13)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

1|0
13|7

Most Helpful Guy

  • I got married because I was in love, happy and wanted it to last forever.

    I.e.I had no understanding of what legally getting married really means.

    1|3
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • I was reading a book of an actress from the 1950s. She had men proposing to her right and left. She said she'd never move in with a man because then, why would he want to marry her? I think its important to learn someone's habits and make sure you're compatible, but when you move in together, something happens. To a guy, there is no difference with that and marriage (obviously not always). To a girl its a world of difference. Marriage used to be the way to have the chance to be as close to someone as possible. The days of, "baby its cold outside" are over. Now people have sex early and live together early. When we ache to be with each other, we move in. Before when people ached to be with each other, they'd marry. Obviously a bit simplified but you get the point. There are benefits to living together and having sex before marriage. There are also drawbacks. Nothing is black and white :)

    2|0
    0|0
  • i don't see wy anyone would get married. no one would willingly take a job saying 'slaves wanted'; (because 'its OK 'slave' means something _different_ today then it did in the past'.)

    as far as legal terminology. that's what marriage was conceived for., legal ownership. not 'love'.

    ethics and hypocrisy aside.. I don't see any reason to do anything other than be with whoever you want to be with. regardless of what family says. isn't an adult a person who makes adult decisions. aka, not acting based on mommy and daddies wishes, but what is right for her/ him.

    1|0
    0|0
    • For alimony and a claim on whatever assets are accumulated.

      It doesn't mean anything else.

  • My main reason is family. I don't want to raise my children in a home where their parents are just boyfriend and girlfriend instead of husband and wife. They shouldn't have to explain that to their peers. Also I want to ensure that I won't be the sole caretaker of my kids in case we divorce. I feel like marriage will at least reinforce our relationship enough to keep it going for my future offspring.

    Additionally, I want a nice wedding and honeymoon.

    1|0
    0|0
  • People should get married because they GENUINELY want to. The pros and cons of marriage are all understandable, because they can all be deal breakers for whoever wishes them to be.

    I didn't vote, but I think it's extremely naive to go into marriage without thinking about the financial aspect of it.

    1|1
    0|0
  • ew marriage..

    2|1
    0|0
  • Marriage doesn't mean anything to me. Its just a piece of paper that society claims is "better and moral".

    1|0
    0|0
  • Marriage doesn't mean anything to me.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i think it can be a good thing, if you can stay committed & finally settle down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Been there done that. Will not repeat. But I will say this, marriage is an institution. A nuclear family is the best model to raise a family. That's about it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • most girls I know dream of a wedding. Yeah, maybe its because they expect and also the society. it's just that in a relationship you expect commitment. but I think its still depend, because marriage is a big deal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The funny thing about this is the fact that my boyfriend is the one who really, really wants to get married someday. Like he's been thinking of songs that would make a good first dance since high school and things like that. I'm the one who, while liking the idea of marriage though not necessarily the wedding part of it, is more ambivalent towards the concept.

    As for the 4 reasons you give, I think those reasons can be true for everyone, not just men. Marriage is at its most basic form, a social construct. That is why the desire for marriage is pushed back to either family, society, or their partner. Family is a subset of society, and the partner aspect is just further societal pressure. Society teaches, you (well specifically girls, but also men) can't be happy without marriage and family. Some cultures don't consider men fully matured until they become a husband or father. There's the negative historical stereotype of the old maid or hag. People who didn't conform to the cultural pressures to get married were persecuted as witches or, in some instances, wizards (yes even men were victims of the witch hunts). A lot of those pressures remain to this day, even if they aren't as drastic. Families want their offspring to be happy and successful. Since success and happiness are defined in culture as having a marriage and career, then of course families will push for marriage. Individuals even have the belief they can only be successful if they have marriage and career. That's why you see so many people on here worried they will never get a girlfriend/boyfriend and will die alone.

    My point being, I don't think that study discovered anything particularly mindblowing.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I feel pressure as a girl too to get married and to be honest I don't want to

    if I really love the person then I will if I feel like it.

    Men aren't the only ones that feel that way .

    2|0
    0|0
  • Society expects me to

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • I'm mixed towards marriage. I feel as though I am very happy being single and able to just do what I want when I want. The problem is I'm not big on casual sex or hooking up with random girls and when I did it wasn't very satisfying

    I myself am for marriage because while I am happy being alone and love the freedom of doing what I want when I want, I also feel much happier overall in a relationship with someone who loves me.

    I don't really feel the societal, family pressures and mostly just have a personal desire/need to have a partner

    0|0
    0|0
  • Simply put, I want to be a husband and a father, and to have all the trials and triumphs associated with that. I want to love one woman through sickness and health, for richer or poorer as long as we both live. I want to cherish her and grow with her and enjoy life with her. I want to raise a family. I want the children I help bring into this world to have a mother and a father who love each other and love them. I guess I want to be married to a woman because I want a family. I don't think for me it's a pressure from family, society, my girlfriend or whatever. It is what I truly want because it will make me a better man.

    3|0
    0|0
    • Can you clone yourself and distribute accordingly for the females of the world please and thank you.

    • Show All
    • We? Who else is with you?

    • It takes two to dialogue.

  • When you realize you want to share your life with someone forever.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Probably society expects you to and pressure.

    Hope I meet someone who DOESN'T want to get married.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't think I'll ever get married, I see no reason to unless you want kids

    1|0
    0|0
  • I've always maintained that any sane rational man who properly understands what he is getting into, would never want to get married. It's something he will compromise into, to keep the woman he wants in his life.

    1|1
    1|0
Loading...