Foudn out he bought engagement ring and now relationship is falling apart

I have been dating by boyfriend for 2.5 years. I am 28 and he is 26.

Lately I have been wanting to move in together and I was hoping that he would propose soon. He agreed to move in together and we started looking at places. Then I found out that he does not have as much money left over after monthly for living expenses (he currently lives with his parents) as I do so it would make moving in together very difficult to afford. I have been living in a small one bedroom that's not big enough for the two of us.

This lead to fights and me stating that I feel like the relationship isn't going anywhere and at 28 I really want to be further along in the relationship than we are. Then his younger sister got engaged and I got extremely upset and we started fighting even more. During one of our fights he told me that he DID buy me an engagement ring already. He told me because I was telling him I didn't feel that he was really committed to this relationship and he isn't ready to grow up and take the next step. So he told me he got the wrong to prove that he is ready to take the next step.

So I know that he bought me a ring months ago, but he has not proposed yet, he hasn't asked my parent's permission yet. I don't even think he had an actual proposal plan. And now everything is ruined. He can't propose anytime soon because it's all out there in the open and nothing is a surprise anymore. And every time I hear about his sister's wedding plans I FREAK out! I feel like he is older and he should have stepped up and proposed first. He knew his sister was getting engaged and he already had the ring, so I don't know why he didn't propose. During one of our fights I told him that since we can't afford to live together I feel like an engagement wouldn't go anywhere anyway.

I just don't know what to do. Everything is such a mess. How can I make this situation better so that he can still propose in a nice way when the time comes?

Right now we are barely talking. I feel like we are closer to breaking up than taking the next step forward. And neither one of us wants to break up, but things got so messed up neither one of us know how to fix it.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Perhaps when both of you will settle first your financial condition then can you make things better again.

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    • My finances are fine. He makes more money than I do but he had a lot of debt/monthly bills. And all of them are normal things like school loan, car payment. He doesn't waste money or spend a lot. But he won't look for another job or take on a part time job right now because he is coaching high school sports right now. So it's waiting until the summer for him to attempt to make the change. I have applied for higher paying positions and am trying to increase my income to cover him.

What Girls Said 1

  • You sound... kind of spoiled.

    I mean really? You're upset that his sister is getting married before you are? Like I cringe just reading that... it's not some kind of contest. And you freaking out about his sister's wedding probably just puts a ton of stress on him.

    I realize you two are having financial and personal issues but my goodness, there is no reason you guys should have come to this point. Like you said, rather than your relationship progressing you're now falling apart at the seams... you need to sit down and rethink what this relationship means to you. Because if you're done with it, then you need to nip it in the bud. But if you really love each other then you need to work together to set things straight.

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    • Thank you for your honest answer. I could see where it sounds like a contest between me and his sister to get to the alter first. But that's not really the issue. The issue is I am ready to the next step in the relationship. I am ready to get married and have a family. And I fear that he isn't ready to grow up since he still lives at home and isn't actively working to be able to support himself. Plus even though he bought a ring he didn't do any of the other steps to actually propose.

    • Ah, sorry to have been so blunt.

      You're right, it does sound like he has some growing up to do.

      As for the ring, perhaps he was just waiting for the right moment or was still thinking of how to propose. Or maybe he really did have no idea what to do with it.

      Well, you know what you want out of the relationship. But do you know what he wants, in this relationship or in life in general? Something has to be holding him back from asserting himself, whether it's just laziness or something more.

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