How do you make a marriage last?

Everyone knows marriage isn't easy. It takes a lot of effort. The man should be the head of the household and the wife should be submissive to her husband. As the head of the household, the husband should discipline his wife. Divorce is not an option. Anyone agree?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • By finding the right partner.

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    • That greatly depends on the person and their preferences

What Girls Said 39

  • My mom gave me some guidelines on how to make a lasting marriage.

    1. Don't see divorce as an option. Marriage is supposed to be forever.

    2. Marry someone with your same core values. Morals, religion, etc.

    3. Marry someone you can respect. My mom said that my dad has traits that she wants in herself, and that makes it easy to keep her interest in him. She said, "If you respect someone, then you're going to love them."

    4. Marry someone who isn't boring. My dad is social, funny, opinionated, and the life of any party. He may be irritating at times, but he's definitely not boring. And forever is a long time to spend with a boring person. ;)

    My parents did have that "man is the head of the house" setup (although my dad never disciplined my mom. Who does that?). But that's why I couldn't have a marriage like that. If my husband ever talks to our kids the way my dad talked to me, I won't stand by quietly like my mom did.

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    • I agree with this 100%.

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    • As long as he warms up to me and shows me his goofy side. Being shy and quiet around me would make it difficult for me to get to know the real him. And I wouldn't marry a guy I didn't know very well.

  • What the hell are you talking about? Discipline his wife?

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  • I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that if you tell any modern woman that she is to be submissive to her husband and he has the right to discipline her, she's going to laugh in your face.

    A marriage should be a partnership where each spouse has an equal say.

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  • WRONG. Marriage is about compromise. Men and women both have separate roles in a marriage. But women aren't always stay at home wives. And men aren't always bread winners. Yes, the man is the head of the household, but wife is NOT the man's "bitch". You don't discipline your wife. You discipline your children for doing something wrong. This isn't the 19th century. Women have rights. We have jobs and still manage to have children and take care of a home. You sound like a sexist bastard.

    As for divorce, if two people really cannot get along and it's affecting others, like their children, then yes, divorce is an option. But counseling and other measures should be persued before divorce is even considered.

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  • I do agree that men should be the head of the household and that the wife should be submissive to the husband.

    But submissive DOES NOT mean she's deaf, dumb and stupid or acts as though she has no mind of her own. It simply means staying knowing her role within the marriage, accepting it; knowing his role within the relationship, accepting it. And both must know when changes need to be made if it's no longer working.

    For me personally, I would want the man to be the head of the household. It doesn't work for a majority of "modern women," but that is kind of how I was raised.

    Also, for myself, being submissive would be me being a stay at home wife/mother while my husband is the bread winner. Me understanding that being a stay at home wife/mother doesn't entail laying around all day, gossipping and shopping. If he's busting his ass working and treats me with respect, then he DESERVES to come home to a clean house and nice, hot meal. He also deserves to know that his kids are safe and sound and being well taken care of. That's the trade off.

    I don't give 2 sh*ts how other people run their households though. I'm pretty sure the ridiculously high divorce rate is a giveaway that a certain attitude women and men have nowadays isn't working.

    I think divorce should be the absolute last option after counseling/therapy, but sometimes things just can't be fixed. Like falling out of love or allowing your relationship to get to the point of simply being a friendship.

    *Disciplining is barbaric and ridiculously overdramatic

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    • I think you're entitled to your views. My view is that both the man and the woman can make money, instead of just one person. I would look for a traditional woman, that was modest. We would both be respectful to each other. In my house, through some strange twist, my father cooks and cleans, and my mom works. Although I do believe that a woman can shop if she wants to.

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    • He might be from a culture where this is *normal* yet living in America. I don't understand the treating your spouse like an animal, but that's just me

  • A strong yes and a strong no. Personally I want the dynamic you're talking about, but I don't think it is for everyone. ESPECIALLY not the discipline part. (Really?)

    I'd say this topic is an EXTREMELY difficult subject to talk about, because "submissive" and "head of household" are subjective terms, and when people discuss it, they tend to talk about different things.

    I want a relationship where I can consider myself submissive, but by that I don't mean subservient, or that that I'd have a lesser value, or lesser autonomy than him, or that we'd be in any way unequal. I would give him my trust to make decisions for us, to take the lead, but if he started making those decisions for himself I'd just take that trust back.

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  • Head of Household? I don't think so.. not in this lifetime we can "Share" and everything shall be equal, you can forget it if you think you may be in charge of anything.

    The Wife Should Be Submissive? Yeah right, keep dreaming are you really living in the 21st century? No woman in this century is "submissive" unless it is in a sexual way, so get that out of your head! Woman can be independent just so you know.

    Discipline his wife? You have really lost your mind haven't you? The wife is not a damn animal or young child who has "done wrong". You need to really get over yourself

    Truthfully, I see you being in jail in the near future and having one if not many protective orders against you. Good luck with your marriage... I mean divorce.

    By the way, communication is key in a relationship but it probably won't help you.

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  • Totally agree with peace.love.coture. The way I was taught, your husband is to be the head of household and you are to respect him--BUT the girl chooses whose proposal she accepts, and if she thinks he's going to treat her the way you described, she should NOT accept your proposal. The original idea for this kind of relationship comes from the Bible. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul explains that a woman should follow her husband as the Church follows Christ, and a husband should lead his wife as Christ led the church. Not sure what kind of "discipline" you are talking about, but Christ was very careful in the way He led His faithful. As for divorce, the Bible says it is acceptable in cases of adultery. I think that's the one thing I couldn't forgive; I just hope I'm never in the situation to make that choice.

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  • If you're going by the Bible context, the wife and/or husband has the right to divorce ONLY if he or she cheats. Besides that, technically marriage is supposed to last forever. A marriage partnership is equal so long as you love her and obey Christ's commands, therefore she is supposed to respect you and obey you, so this part is important that the two of you come to a mutual agreement BEFORE marriage. However, it takes trusted partners for the husband to not abuse his authority over her when she is willingly submissive. If she doesn't feel like she's being taken care of by you emotionally, mentally and physically, that's where you need to have enough courage to make changes for the both of you when necessary. When you say the husband should discipline his wife, I assume you mean taking her in hand? If so, then that could be anything (in which you two need to agree upon) BEFORE marriage.

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  • "The man should be the head of the household and the wife should be submissive to her husband. As the head of the household, the husband should discipline his wife" well...considering that your question is "how to make marriage last" I'm not going to input much as you seem like a lost cause however, I can definitely tell you that what I quoted of you is definitely a good way NOT to make a marriage last? lol..does that answer your question?

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  • If I disagreed with you any harder, I might rupture something. (I emphatically do not agree.)

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  • Nope. No head of the house hold. I believe in shared tasks, authority, and responsibility. And f*** no to discipline.

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  • You make a concious decision to remain committed, make the other person happy and treat them with respect.

    As for your approach to marriage I'd say you'll do welll in, say, Pakistan.

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  • LOL. That lifestyle is archaic, trite, and abusive, stemming from the copious insecurity of the "head of the household."

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    • Even in my traditional take on marriage, it doesn't work like that. In a traditional marriage, the wife is not submissive. More like both people respect each other and both people are humble. Something like that.

    • If only it was like that in every marriage.

    • I don't think it is about being submissive. I would want to be with a woman that was modest. in appearance and dressing. However, that does not mean she is a servant or something, and she shouldn't be punished. She is human, after all.

  • Wtf do you mean my discipline his wife? You from the Middle East braw? But yes I agree that divorce is not an option. The difference between successful marriages an unsuccessful marriages is that one fights while the other argues. Instead of putting your spouse down and trying to "win" try to find a solution to the problem and instead of trying to win try to agree on something.

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  • First of all that's your wife not your kid, discipline YTF right not today. Secondly divorce is an option if you don't believe in divorce, separate. Male shovanism gets me all the time lol, I wish a man would think he dictates my household. I'm proud to have a strong matriarchal family, were men have opions but they make no decisions. Making marriage last, you should have open lines pf communication and busy yourselves with fun activities together and take personal times to so you're not always getting on each others nerves.

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  • you have to find the right person for you, cherished her and treat her with due respect, vice versa.

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  • Ummmm... I know I'm just a teenager, but I hate the way you said the wife should be submissive and that the husband should discipline his wife. It sounds like she'd be your freaking property. Even though I believe the husband is suppose to be "the man of the house" I also believe both husband and wife should be equal, and you shouldn't "discipline" her, whatever the heck that means. If you want to make a marriage work, the key is compromise and EQUALITY.

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  • Well I will be the first lady to agree with you. (On one part) The man is the head and the wife should be submissive. I say this because I follow the bible. But many men give say this without knowing the true meaning. For a man to be head of my household means he follows Christ as head of him. And for him to love me like Christ loved the church. That does not mean following him around like a little child and discipline like a school girl in trouble. Think of Christ who gave his life for us, that is how the man should be. If a man follows the bible and makes good choices with his life, and treats me with respect and love then he can be the head over me.

    If you don't belive in the bible then think of it as a partnership where two people have to have respect for each other. If agreed upon when the two get married the man can have the final say on things. BUT have respect and love and know when to listen and take his wife thoughts into consideration.

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  • I think divorce was invented for marriages like the one you describe.

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  • trust, respect and most importantly she is your best friend whom you get to have hot sex with!

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  • its a partnership,no discipline necessary..both should submit to each other

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  • To make the marriage last is to keep the spark between you and your wife. Communicate. Forgive and Forget. Don't hold any grudges to each other. Always do the things that both of you does when you were a couple like doing small appreciation to each other or enjoying same interest of hobbies. Compromise. Listen to one another. Solve the problem together and don't sleep on it where both of you angry. Pray together because I do believe that the family prays together stays together.

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  • The Husband as well as tge wife are to be SUBMISSIVE TO EACH OTHER; NO ONE SAID THE husband is to discipline the wife. This is a two person effort, God Bless yopu Dear!~

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  • In my opinion the woman shouldn't be submissive and the man shouldn't be the head of the household. You should both work together and appreciate each other if you want a long lasting marriage

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  • How cant make it last. You shouldn't have to try. You are meant for that one speical person and its your choice to let them go. If you have to try then its not right.

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  • Communications, complimenting each other, making time for each other, respect, trying new things, new sex positions and scenarios, and COMPROMISE.

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  • Trolllllll oh hahahahah a so funny man

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  • Mutual respect. Patience. Honesty. Love.

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  • oh hell no. The husband and wife are EQUALS. One is not submissive and neither are 'disciplined' by the other.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 13

  • Yes, everyone knows that marriage isn't easy. Yes, it takes a lot of effort, on the part of BOTH the husband and the wife. The man should not be the head of the household and the wife should not be at the beck and call of the husband. She is not in servitude. Both people should respect each other. The husband should not discipline his wife, because she is not property. She is a HUMAN BEING.

    Divorce is not great. Couples should work together and communicate, and all options should be considered before divorce. Also, divorce is better than cheating if there is no love anymore.

    Any problems should be worked out through communication, and communication can happen if there is patience and respect, with both people. With that kind of thinking, no wonder some people can't last in a marriage. After all, a woman can divorce too.

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    • Divorce should be a last option. As for the man not being the head of the household, I think that both the man and the woman can share responsibilities jointly, like a king and a queen or something.

  • After the first two years, the euphoria of being in love fades, where most relationships fall apart... leading up to that time you really have to find how to "Love" that other person: Their quirky laugh, their subtle smile, the thoughtful actions they do to cheer you up when you're down, the fact that they know their limits, etc...

    Everything plays a role and then you can say whether you accept them as they are or not. If you don't it makes for a really tough situation. They want to know why it "all of a sudden" came to an end... And it's really hard to explain for me. I honestly don't know a path through it but the advice above sticks. You are replacing that young and dumb desire for one another with something concrete - a LOVE for one another.. I guess that's why parents always tried to emphasize that we never really knew what love is...?

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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  • You listen to each others full names first, then try to write it blindfolded. If you can write each others names correctly at the first time, then you are made for each other.

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    • I will never be married then hahaha. Got a commonly misspelled first and last name and TWO middle names, one that's long and Greek, and one that's ordinary sounding but oddly spelled. :P

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    • Chesus (jesus), yes I'm only kiddin' . I know what you meant I'm just pulling your leg, don't take everything so serious. Maybe you aren't and the joke's on me, lol.

    • Oh. I don't take jokes well. I have a hard time figuring them out. So it isn't on you, it's on me.

  • First you have to start with two adults who are mature enough to know what it takes to last a lifetime. Together, as a team, as partners with common interest and shared goals.

    But that did not work for me in my first two marriages. So I hedged my bets and waited for a woman who would agree to an open marriage. So ten years later, we are both happy and have a strong bond, common goals, and a true love for each other.. unconditionally.

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • Yeah, welcome to the 21st century where we don't do marriages like that anymore

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  • I am ready for the fire works. Get peace.love.Couture in here.

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    • No wonder this kind of person is asking why marriages don't last.

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    • I wonder what this answer has to do with the question?

    • No it wasn't me evangelina.

  • "How do you make marriage last?" It certainly won't with this mindset...

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  • People are still into these kind of stuff these days?

    How does one go about disciplining a wife? :)

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    • I guess a husband could withhold sex from his wife to punish her. LOL I know I would hate that.

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    • @blackwaterhattie: I don't think @GoldenDragon is advocating discipline. I think he is just using rhetoric.

      Punishments don't work. If there are any problems, there should be communication. Punishments are not traditional at all. Although nowadays punishments are seen as traditional because so many "traditional" people do that. A real traditional relationship has respect and no punishment.

    • Yeah I think he's being facetious.

  • By making sure it isn't a traditional marriage at all.

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  • Ask Gabby Reese what it takes to have a happy marriage. Check out her book "My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper".

    QA: you got it half right, but you lost me when you said the husband should discipline his wife and divorce is not an option. While I agree that in most cases the man should be the head of the household and should be given more respect tham many women today are willing to give, that doesn't mean he has has any right to discipline his wife, ever. That's just BS.

    And there are plenty of instances when divorce is and should be an option. I would say that being married to someone who thinks like you is one of them.

    Gabby Reese is a very smart woman who found the right balance in her relationship. She cared enough to try to understand men and to value family as the highest priority. That's what smart, strong women in happy marriages do. There would be a lot more happy marriages if more women saw the facts like Gabby does. The world would be a a happier place in general.

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  • The best way to make it last is to never get married in the first place. It will solve any marriage problems one might have.

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  • That's true.

    I agree with you.

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  • disagree, a marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman. Why should a girl give up her freedom and follow her husbands command?

    the whole point of a marriage is to build a family which requires you to trust each other, communicate and think of each other as equals in major decision making not one where one side dictates everything the family does.

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