Marriage - What's in it for the guys?

Ok... seriously now. What's in it for the men when it comes to marriage?

Is it because it gets us laid? If so, then why is there a stereotype out there that sex ends after marriage?

Is it because of love? of money? so that you have someone besides your mother to do your laundry? or just because it's the thing to do?

Guys - why have you gotten married, and why do you want to get married?

Girls - what do you think marriage can offer a guy that he can't get while being single?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • To answer; what is the benefits of marriage? ...in a healthy marriage (imo), the benefits arn't much more, other than legal ones (which is obviously also the drawbacks). A husband and wife have more rights than roommates. For example, if your girlfriend had a life altering accident you would be denied the right to see her when the family see's her, but a husband would be given that right. I heard awhile back it also makes the cost of living cheaper (and has various other benefits like this). When your growing old with someone...you'll regret not being married and because of a lot of legal rights your otherwise not entitled too. Then of course, there's the issue of if you ever want children. This will be easier on you and your children if your married. Lastly, (though I'm not a guy), I think guys choose to get married (out of free will) because they truly love their spouse, they believe in marriage, or they want to make their SO's dreams come true (and are happy to do so. If you don't feel that way about the woman your with, you shouldn't get married.

    A lot of people also go into it with the idea that it will create big changes. If your relationship is healthy and ready for marriage it shouldn't change a thing (other than what I wrote about above).

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What Girls Said 18

  • Marriage or the living together with kids variant: Allows the guy to form a family and live with the woman he loves. There really isn't much more you guys get out of it. Therefore, never marry cause everybody else is doing it and be very very picky with the woman you do choose to marry. Otherwise, don't do it, it's stupid and you can have way more fun not getting married.

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  • My best guy friend recently told me he's gonna propose to his girlfriend of 3 years. He told me that part of it is he wants to call her something more than his girlfriend. Then he added, "It just seems like the thing to do." So I guess that means he's finally ready for it.

    What do I think marriage can offer a guy? A partner for life. Someone to raise a family and grow old with. Maybe it's not every guy's thing, but I'll tell you this. At my job caring for seniors, there's nothing better than seeing a 90 year old couple still love each other.

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    • You don't need marriage to have a lifelong partner, or family.

    • I'm religious, so yeah, I actually do.

      And honestly, that'd just be silly to start a family and have a life partner and just be boyfriend and girlfriend. Why would anyone do that? Because they want their eventual breakup to be less complicated? That's ridiculous.

    • You made a good point. I definitely wouldn't want to start a family and share my life with a guy who wouldn't want me to share his last name and marry me. I wouldn't feel like he wanted a relationship with me for the long haul.

  • Love, loyalty, a lifelong comittment including in the eyes of the law. Marriage is a biblical promise. It's a communication between you both that there is no one else. And that you want to make a promise to one another, because you love one another so much that you are not even considering waiting around to see if something better comes along. It also provides more stability for your kids. It's not as easy for one to just get up and walk out as it is if they're just "partners" living together.

    I'm a Christian, so for myself and my future husband, sex begins at marriage.

    I guess you'll understand it and recognise that kind of love when you meet someone you want to promise your life to, rather than just someone to do your laundry, have sex with you, or for money, or a second mother.

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    • Plus, in a good marriage, I think that a lot of it is the "I got your back" kind of thing. Plus, it's helpful to have someone (either one) to help out or do considerate things for each other.

      I have an older friend; in his 70's - he refers to his wife as a total babe. I just think that this is awesome and really sweet. Like, he still appreciates her, and won't talk bad about her. He thinks the world of her. I would love to have that; in my 80's I still think of my future wife as a babe.

    • Yes that's very true.

      And that's so sweet, me too :)

  • Many men (not all men) find the need to marry a woman because they love of of course, but they also have her to clean the house, cook them meals, etc. while he does the stereotypical job of working. This comes in many combinations.

    For instance, my mother left my father. She had a job and brought home the money. He stayed home all day and played around on his computer. When myself and my sister came home, he made us do the washing up and clean the tables that had gathered HIS junk on them and we had to be finished before our mum came home. She ended up doing the rest of the housework and did all the cooking, even though their original arrangement was he would share these jobs. For these reasons and so many more reasons (including him blaming her if we went out somewhere she chose and we had a bad day, him spending as much money as he wants of HERS but she had to ask for permission to spend HER money which she earned. She never bought expensive clothes or anything like the stereotypical woman. When she bought her first pair of expensive shoes, he didn't say anything but gave her a deadly stare.), of course she left him and took my sister and myself with her.

    He was a lazy, selfish individual and expected us to do all the housework while he did whatever he want all day (computer games).

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  • Here's what I think. I think if getting married is a faith-based decision, go for it. Make your vows before God and do the thing and make it all pretty. If religion isn't a factor, then I don't see why anyone would want to get married. A commitment is a commitment and *I* don't feel like it has extra weight because it's legally binding, especially when it's NOT even all that binding. Marriage used to be a business arrangement and it's only a fairly modern construct that it has anything to do with love. I'm just saying.

    I have been married- and divorced. I would have been better off if I had never made it legal. It used to be that marriage was like a form of legal protection for women and children- being born out of wedlock used to be awful and now it's not. Women are capable of being self-sufficient and most homes are two-income anyway. Now you can designate whomever you want as your successor as far as your estate goes, and you can name your medical POA. It IS possible that your blood-relatives can challenge your wishes, but that can happen anyway- marriage or no marriage. Children you have are protected under the law- otherwise BabyDaddies wouldn't be hauled into court for child support payments like they are. There are even health insurance policies that you can add your non-legal SO onto. I think the military is the only institution left that makes marriage sort of attractive because I think you do still need to be married in order to add your spouse onto your Tricare, and also I think you get more money if you are married. (It used to be that way, anyway. I'm not 100% sure that it still is that way now.)

    If I were to marry again, I'd have a party and get a cool outfit and say some vows, but I wouldn't make it "legal". I just don't see a reason for it- especially because my state is a community property state and domestic partnership is recognized under the law. So if I come with stuff, and he comes with stuff, and then we get stuff together, guess what? I get to keep my stuff that was mine before, and he gets to keep his stuff that was his before, and the stuff we got together gets sold and divided down the middle. Even child custody goes that way- if parents can't decide who gets the kid, the default it joint custody- 50- 50.

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  • I really don't know. Marriage doesn't make you more in love or anything... It's just a legal contract that is hugely expensive and devastating to break in the highly likely event things go wrong.

    When it originally started the men married the woman as an exchange: she gets financial security and property in return for caring for it and having his children. Also, people didn't live so long so they were never promising to love each other for 60+ years.

    These days I see it as completely redundant. It doesn't improve things, just makes it harder if you later realize that you've both changed to the point of not being compatible.

    I won't be getting married because I can't speak for myself in 10, 20, 50+ years and say I will feel the same way about that person then - no one can. I also intend on making my own money and don't need a contract to have someone share theirs with me and am not under false beliefs that a marriage contract will make us last - it will not!

    I think the most impressive thing would be to spend a lifetime when someone whom you're not contractually obligated to. I also think that when things get bad the thought of being trapped and not able to leave without lawyers and a judge would be a terrifying feeling and make your problem seem a million times worse!

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  • Girls - what do you think marriage can offer a guy that he can't get while being single?

    In my opinion the same thing that's in it for gals- nothing. Though at least gals likely have the benefit for if the marriage ends probably why divorced gals are happier than married gals.

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  • I'm sad that many of these men have such a negative outlook on women. But men are visual beings. And I believe that if men chose girlfriends and wives based off inner beauty many of these problems would be near non-existent.

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    • haha women are just as swallow and men trust me I should know. Also I disagree women choose the boyfriends and husbands not the other way around so yeah

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    • I don't go out with a guy because of his looks...it's his confidence, personality, our compatibility and similar and shared interests...if he is ugly and has the rest of these and is of an alright age, I wouldn't care what he looked like. Just putting it out there :)

    • Exactly! There are too many hot pricks out there. Yes they are attractive... But they have nothing attractive personality wise.

  • Love. That's what it comes down to. You want to live together, and spend your lives together. you join finances, houses, lives, etc. You're ready to start a family together.

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  • I think every stereotype is wrong. if you want sex to be constant then you have to work at other things in the marriage. you mmarry someone because you want the commitment, each other gets to be with the one they love.

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    • Stereotypes are based on what is true for the majority of a specific group. Where do you think it came from? And can't you be with the person you love without signing legal documents that mean you can get cleaned out in divorce court--which happens every day, and hurts men a lot more than women?

    • I never said it was for everyone and that it should be done. my cousin isn't married with her guy and they are perfectly happy. My answer was based on married couples.

  • 1. spending every day with the person you love and having a family with them

    2. It is financially a good thing to get married because your money is tied together and you have double the salary for buying a house and raising a family.

    3. And yea, if you are very religious you can have sex without it being a sin. Even if you are not very religious when you are married you can typically have sex when you want.

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    • First option has nothing to do with marriage. lol

    • When you get married you typically get to have a family and see the SO everyday taking certain situations into account. I know some can not have kids and some work a lot. When two get married in a good situation most want to have a family and they would get to see each other every day. How does that have nothing to do with marriage?

  • a special "together" feeling

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  • Being with the person they love forever.

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    • But you can do that without signing a legal document. And if you're not married, there's no possibility of divorce court and losing half of everything you own, down to the half the 401K your company helped you set up, despite that only one person earns and deposits into that 401K--never two people..

    • never two people? do you live under a rock? This is the 21st century, tons of women have jobs and help support their family. My aunt works three jobs while her husband sits home and drinks all day. Men can be the problem as well. Women aren't all bad.

    • Your 401K is, at least as far as I've seen, a private retirement fund that your employer sets up for you. It's linked to only one person, and can come out of that person's check.

  • Whats in it for the guys? Wow really? Marriage allows you to be with the one woman you can't bear to live without. Marriage connects yal both together so yal can be with each other forever without having anyone try to steal her away from you.

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    • I gracefully disagree with you - marriage doesn't guarantee any of those things you named

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    • = marriage is for the insecure!

    • So if I don't spend $28,400(the average cost of a wedding in 2012) I can't guarantee that my girlfriend will not be stolen from me?

  • Marriage offers men and women the exact same things.

    A partner in life, with legal rights to each other. It makes emergencies easier to handle when you're married, if rights are needed.

    Why would marriage offer something to women and not to men? That makes no sense, haha!

    The pros and cons of marriage are exactly the same for both men and women.

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    • No, financially it's way more convenient to women - in a case of divorce a man pays and a woman receives - it's not "exactly the same" at all, you've never heard about it before?

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    • link

      Can you blame them?

    • I just know I'm not worthy of some of the hatred I receive, but I guess that's life.

  • What's in it for anyone? It's hard to find the right person. I'd only get married if it's to a great guy I love, can grow with, and am really sure about. It's good to have someone like that to raise kids with and have by your side through thick and thin. Definitely wouldn't do it just to do it - it's not worth the headache.

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  • If you don't like the idea of marriage, don't get married. Simple.

    Nobody's forcing you to get married considering the outdated fact that men are the gatekeepers to marriage.

    It's funny how dudes were complaining EVEN back then when everything favored them in the divorce courts.

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    • And by the way, that coward that typed up those long ass paragraphs at the bottom is AndyWes.

  • Questions like this make me feel like love doesn't exist anymore.

    "Why should I spend the rest of my life with someone? Well I guess sex is pretty good. And there's a chance they'll cook and clean for me which is also nice. I guess I won't be lonely, maybe, but that's a bit of a risk. And I'll probably have to do things like remember their birthday and raise a child, ugh."

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    • Agreed. Pretty disheartening.

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    • I never said that marriage equals love.

      I don't know why anyone would get married if they weren't in love to begin with.

      Oh, wait. Apparently everyone is paranoid about their money.

      If that's the case then you love money more than you love your future spouse.

    • Here we go... link

What Guys Said 20

  • I'll probably get flamed for this (quite frankly, I'm surprised I haven't been for more around here, but anyway...)

    It's true that in most cases, women file for divorce. However, does anyone ever stop to consider WHY that is?

    Fact: Men and women are different. If that surprises anyone, I'm sorry.

    Not only are we physically and biologically different, but we are emotionally and psychologically different as well. Married men feel like their wives nag them all the time, but in how many cases is it because the guy thinks he's doing more than his fair share when in reality, he's just bringing home the bacon? Women don't just want to be loved, they want to FEEL loved. That's why they get married and that's why they walk.

    Women are more emotional than men are. That's why love songs and movies like "Titanic" and "The Notebook" are so important to them, why their underwear is different colors and has flowers and polka-dots and stuff on it, why they wear make-up, why they want to talk so much, why they like flowers "just because it's Thursday", and why they want you to just call them in the middle of the day to say "I love you". They don't just want to be sexy, beautiful, and loved. They want to FEEL sexy, beautiful, and loved.

    When a guy and a girl get married, it's not "me, myself, and I" anymore. It's "we, ourselves, and us". You become a part of something that's not just you and your "need" for sex, someone to clean up after you, and whatever else you think you might be entitled to. It's not just about what you get out of it.

    Lastly, there isn't as much of a social stigma on divorce anymore because it's more common now than it has been in generations past. That said, women don't feel as much social pressure to stay in a marriage that is not fulfilling to them. What's another reason? Finances. More women are working and have careers, so they don't feel the financial pressure of staying in a marriage either.

    Put all this together and you have lots of wives saying "bye-bye" and lots of bitter guys asking questions like this. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir when I say stuff like this, but questions like this just prove me right.

    So go ahead and tell me I'm whipped. Go ahead and think it too. I won't stop you. Just know that it's kind of tough for a guy who's been single for eight years to qualify as "whipped".

    Wow. This is probably one of my longest (and most uncharacteristic) answers since I've been on GAG.

    And now I'll just sit back with a cigar and beer to resignedly await the flamings that are sure to come my way.

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  • I made a question about this a long time ago and the women really couldn't come up with anything. There was also a question about girls flipping out about prenups and it was very clear that women in that case wanted the income.

    The thing is for the most part is that women from the start will avoid dating men who have lower incomes than them. So when relationships hit marriage, the man is constantly making more. Now with women getting higher career positions in a lot of areas, if you're a guy who even is successful enough to live on your own, it still won't be enough for a woman.

    I honestly doubt I could get married. Even getting a date in NY is tough. When I put in my online dating profile that I am looking for a relationship, I barely get any messages yet if I state I am only looking for a casual date, they pop up and message me. Obtaining a real relationship with a girl who doesn't have ill intentions in general is tough.

    There was also a question about girls flipping out about prenups and how they won't marry a guy if they have to sign a prenup. So it's very simple for women to win in this situation. Refuse to date men who make less, then get married to the guy who makes more. Then when the marriage falls apart and the woman makes out with the money.

    Oh and if the woman finds a guy who is willing to "hold out" on sex forget it. The woman has total control in that relationship and found herself an easy marriage. Plus when they do get married, the guy gets so disappointed once the sex ends and there goes the marriage. Woman gets money.

    While I want to say marriage should be a loving bond, it doesn't tend to be for most people. Honestly though, if a woman needs a ceremony to feel loved and can't feel loved otherwise in the relationship then the relationship just sucks.

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  • Are you asking what's in a good, serious relationship or are you asking what the benefits of a legal marriage are?

    I got married because I was in love, and I wanted things to keep being like that always.

    That's not how things worked out.

    I could absolutely be getting laid more if single. And I'd be financially better off.

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  • Marriage is and should be for raising children only. A single Men can easily afford the lifestyle He wants.

    Getting married because it's a way to secure access to sex is nonsense. Single Men can get sex nowadays, and very easily.

    Sex in a marriage ends because having sex with the same woman becomes boring. Unless the woman's hot, in that case the boredom will take a bit longer to come. Single Men don't have this problem.

    Women will never fully appreciate the HUGE sacrifice Men do when they commit in marriage. It's not a women's flaw.

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    • Yea and I hear women stop having sex once they get married anyway.

    • Exactly, because sex is not what women are after in a marriage. They're not after sex, they can get that extremely easily; they're after your resources and emotional investment, trading their bodies and access to their intimacy for ALL of your stuff -not a part, or half, they want it all. If it sounds like prostitution it's because...

  • In a good marriage you tend to have more sex than otherwise. Humans are pair-bonders which means that we tend to stick around a single person. Collectively you tend to make more money than if you were single. And then there's kids! Who doesn't want to be a dad!

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  • it's for the sex. The "stereotype" is one of two things: it is either 1) false or 2) history. We are not a species that learns from history so easily. We hear one guy say "yeah man, after two years of marriage, my wife won't have sex with me but once a week." But we think "that's so weird. My girlfriend and I have sex four times per day. That makes her a keeper, so I should marry her."

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  • In my opinion there will always someone waiting for me with whom I can easily share my good and bad times,who will always be my side when everything goes wrong and cheer me up and will remain true to me,love me and have kids with me.

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  • Marriage is rooted in religion and socio-economics.

    There are some financial advantages to marriage (taxation breaks, discounts in services like health insurance for couples).

    The reason men don't seem to be into marriage now , is because most western nations are way more secular (aka less religious )

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  • Frankly... for guys... I don't think there's a damn thing. Only the fact that (like with virginity loss for males), if you've never been married, you're perceived as less than desirable.

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  • Nothing at all this day and age. I have never been married but failed relationships due to a woman cheating... Your experience may be different from mine lol. A man would have to luck up to find the right woman. There is tons of luck involved. You have to avoid the ones who wants to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one so they can show you off etc... Then there is that money issue and tax stuff blah blah blah

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  • What's in it for the guys? Nothing, really.

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  • The chance to pay alimony and child support to a fat, nagging wife who cheats and eats and eats while not staying in shape or keeping her looks but doing plenty of shopping and no cooking or cleaning.

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  • Marriage is a good way if I want to settle with a single girl forever

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  • I don't have a problem getting laid, and I am as independent as a guy can get (I can cook, do laundry, basically any task a stereotypical 50's wife would be assigned).

    I want to get married because it's the ultimate gesture of commitment. A lifelong bond and all of that. I will be damn careful who I choose...I'm confident I won't screw up who I propose to.

    I did get concerned over things like divorce and the alimony, division of assets etc. But I am not the type of person who lets a fear (that may not even happen) keep me from doing what I want to do. I know plenty of people who have chosen the right spouse and don't let the horror stories deter me.

    There are a lot of foolish people out there and they make foolish decisions. If you're careful you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

    Guys can get as much out of marriage as the women. It all comes down to finding the love of your love and knowing you will share a life together. So I would say "love" is what's in it for the guys.

    The fear of a gold-digging bitch makes a lot of guys crumble at the thought of signing a legal contract, but it is his responsibility to make sure she is a good person before proposing. All the guys who got screwed over in divorce, they were the ones who proposed to the woman so it's not like they're some innocent victim. They didn't study the woman thoroughly enough to know what's going on, or they overestimated the love between the two.

    Like I said, if you take it slow and take it seriously (it is one of life's biggest decisions), it can be one of life's biggest pleasures.

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  • A chance to lose half your money for the rest of your life. Oh, and a chance to have kids, grow to love them, then have them taken away from you.

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    • hey man, that's not always how it turns out

    • Not always, but often enough that any guy would be a fool to think that it would never happen to him.

  • Unless you're religious, in which case at some level you think your relationship is invalid until it becomes a marriage, marriage doesn't have anything for a guy. Marriage has all kinds of risks for a guy that a non-marital serious relationship does not, and marriage doesn't have any benefits that a non-marital serious relationship does not.

    Now that we live in an age of no-fault divorce, there's little security for the woman but there's even less for the man. In the US, 92% of alimony payers are still men, even though 40% of women now outearn their husbands.

    Marriage, as it now is, is not a rational choice for a man, unless the woman is significantly richer than he is. More and more of us have divorced parents, divorced relatives, divorced friends. More and more of us are aware of the insane risks of marriage. Add to that the delcine in religion, and it's obvious why fewer anf fewer men want it.

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    • Even in the days before no-fault divorce, you couldn't force your spouse to stay with you.

    • Logical answer except this:

      In the US, 92% of alimony payers are still men, even though 40% of women now outearn their husbands."

      The above is a bit misleading as likely the 40% of gals outearning their husbands aren't prone to divorce and are where the 7% of gals paying alimony comes from.

  • What's in it for the guys? Good question - the promise that your girl won't f*** anyone else. The chance to reduce your tax burden. Many girls will only have kids with you if they are married. In which case, you also get the joy of kids, and the security of knowing they will be taken care of if anything happens to you.

    You get to extend your family and social circle (assuming you like her family and friends).

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    • You're right, women never cheat when married, do they? lol

    • You get the promise. You don't get the certainty that she won't. Just her promise that she won't.

  • If a guy can marry a GOOD woman, and these days that is a HUGE if, there can be a lot in it for him. I'm one of those lucky guys and I'm very happily married to my best friend. We take care of each other in ways I don't think most single guys can understand. And having kids together is a pretty amazing experience.

    The key, as I said, is finding a good woman with a good heart and her head in the right place. These days that's just getting really hard to find.

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  • You're not going to get a single answer from a woman describing something marriage holds specifically for men that cannot be obtained with less risk outside of marriage.

    Sad thing is--the women won't realize that says something fierce about how marriage in the USA is slanted against men.

    Heck, even having kids--American law recognizes that the kids belong to the woman unless she's a serial killer, etc, in marriage or outside of marriage, and she by default gets custody in divorce. So why is it riskier to have kids outside of marriage than in marriage? They don't belong to the man at all in either case.

    The fact is though--women want and need marriage more than men. But what they fail to realize is that what men want in marriage and in a partner are just as vital as what a woman wants--we men are half the picture.

    Actually, bigger, when it comes to marriage.

    Women are the gatekeepers of sex.

    Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. We have the say so as far as whether marriage happens or not, far more than women, despite the wailing of "man up and marry that single mom in her 30's, she's far more 'mature' than a hot girl in her 20's, and don't be a p****, divorce only happens to evil men who deserve it!"

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  • If women weren't so fond of getting bored and getting a divorce and cash/prizes these days, there would be plenty in marriage for men.

    If the husband/father didn't automatically lose custody of the kids on the whim of the woman (multiple studies have found that abuse/adultery are minor factors in why women file divorce) there would be plenty in it for men.

    If women respected their husbands, stayed in shape and didn't decide they suddenly had no need to put out anymore, there'd be plenty in it for men, lol.

    Today? Marriage is Russian roulette. 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and women initiate 75-90% of the time based on education/age. And once a man is divorced, stripped of the home and half of all his belongings and his kids, his life expectancy goes lower than single/never married men.

    Curiously, you ladies--go and look up divorces based on age. You'll find that older women get divorced less. Meaning, the "trade in a 40 year old wife for two 20 year old girlfriends" isn't happening enough to make an impact. What is happening is, "He's boring, I can get custody of the kids plus the house, and I think I still have enough looks to go get a better guy." So women get bored and divorce.

    Marriage is a fool's gambit for men, in the United States.

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    • Hence why men should be very very careful if they want to get married.

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    • Okay, let me restate that. Women are terrible are simply terrible at keeping wedding vows, because the majority of divorces are not filed over abuse, or unfaithfulness. And women blow up because they have kids and decide they can get fat, or maybe they just hate their husbands who are trying to keep them happy. Given that half of marriages crash, and 75-90% of those are filed by the woman--maybe women just aren't fit to be married, and men are too naive to realize it.

    • If women aren`t fit to be married then marry a guy lol. It sounds like a bunch a lady haters on here.

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