I'm struggling with a frustrating dilemma. My fiance and I will be getting married in two months. I'm the first in my family to be getting married and I am so very excited. My parents have decided that the stress is too much for them and they do not want to come. They live only 50 mi from our wedding location. They want me to tell my future wife that their attendance is not necessary.
My parents say they hate meeting new people and color coordinating clothes. Complicating the situation, I am religious and my parents are not. We are having the wedding at my church which also makes them uncomfortable and angry. They criticize me and my wife's beliefs and claim that my wife and I are "not normal" people.
I am frustrated and upset that my "normal people" parents would not go to their own son's wedding. Years ago they also refused to come to my college graduation. As a result I walked on my graduation day with none of my family in attendance.
Has anyone had this problem? My fiance and her family are working hard to accommodate my parents and their wishes and they still want to bail. It makes me feel like I come from a rude and inconsiderate family. I don't know what to do.
Most Helpful Girl
Your options (aside from not getting married or holding the wedding on their doorstep) seem to be to a) try to get them to change their mind, or b) accept that they feel how they do and this can't be changed.
If you go for a), you could try appealing to their emotions ("I feel upset because you..." etc) but I think if they were sensitive others' feelings they wouldn't be behaving this way.
I would try to logically address their fears - say you've arranged for them to sit at a table with only people they know. They don't need to match clothing. They don't need to participate in the ceremony by saying or doing anything - just be present.
You may not have any luck in which case please try to accept your parents' limitations and imperfections. They aren't trying to hurt you, they're imprisoned by their own thinking and cannot see it. There may be an undiagnosed condition going on...
My brother-in-law's parents are very similar and he has cut off all contact with them sadly, they are missing out on their first grandchild growing up.2