At what point do you think in a relationship is the make or break to get engaged?

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and he hasn't popped the question, the relationship before him was about 4 -4 1/2 years and all I got was a wedding date pushed off a few times and the engagement off then a promise to marry me... Needless to say when should you cut your losses and just move on? I want a long engagement, small wedding ect.

  • Within 1-2 years
    19% (3)0% (0)15% (3)Vote
  • Around the 3-4 year mark
    44% (7)75% (3)50% (10)Vote
  • Around 5- 6 years
    19% (3)25% (1)20% (4)Vote
  • 7 years plus
    18% (3)0% (0)15% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1-2 years. If a guy is mentally ready for a serious relationship and has already met someone then by then emd of 1-2 years he'll know if she's the one. My fiance knew at 3 months we were something special and by 6 months he knew I was the one but he didn't reveal any of this to me til afw months later when he started dropping hints about the future asking me about plans, babies etc.

    If he keeps pushing dates and postponing then I'm sorry he's not sure he wants to marry you and if one day he does, you're going to feel like you pushed him into it and so will he. I think its better to find someone who really wants to be with us. Me and my girlfriends had the one year rule where if the guy never mentions the future vy end of year one its time to cut losses. I don't mean mention as propose, but mention as in you can tell he plans to propose.

    A colleague of mine tells me that not all guys do that...but from what she told me her husband settled for ger. Guys settle too it's not just a female preoccupation. If you are seeking marriage then I suggest ypu leave this one for someone who is also ready and looking for that someone.

    A lot of people say men don't like the idea of commitment. Not true at all. All bar one of my nale friends are looking to marry their gfs and they are excited and nervous about it.

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    • I left the guy who kept postponing our wedding I knew that was a lost cause when he made up a new excuse that wasn't even good, ( first excuse was a pregnancy, second excuse was I was sick, 3rd excuse was he wanted our puppy trained to be in the wedding party...). I'm now with a different guy and we have been togethere for just over 2 1/2 years and we have a 6 1/2 month old baby

    • As a womam, I'm so happy to hear that you left him. Some guys will string a woman along for years and one day they just get up and go cos they meet someone else. The only people who don't want to genuinely marry are those who are non religious and conpletely against the marriage thing.

What Guys Said 9

  • Depends, I mean reading some of the answers and seeing girls would walk away after 2 years... Really? That's a bit short to me, I mean I'd consider it but it took me two years to realize what I thought of my job, am I supposed to know a girl is right for me that fast? Maybe if I'm in my late 20's I'd do it, at the moment it'd be a bit soon.

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  • entirely dependent. I had friends that dated in college who didn't get married til last year (so about 8 years). I have a friend who met her boyfriend last year, got engaged last month and will be married next year. I think it depends on the relationship so there really is no make or break time

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  • Well that all depends. are you looking for a relationship, Or a wedding? I understand you will take a while to let go of what the other guy did to you for 4 1/2 years. But don't lay it at the feet of another.

    Have you guys talked about it? And I'm not talking about you dropping hints. I mean an actual conversation where you ask how he feels about it. Without placing demands on him.

    To have a good relationship you have to master communication. And communication is a 2 way street. bNot just you sending a list of your wants in his direction.

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  • I don't think there's any set formula. But just because it seems like its been a long time doesn't necessarily mean it isn't going to happen. Of you le the person, you stay with them. You might think your ready but maybe he isn't. D you really want to get married to him if he isn't ready to do it yet?

    I've been with ,y girlfriend fr 3.5 years now. We both aren't ready to do that step yet oh. One day I think we will. I hope we will but there's no rush

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  • If you're gonna break up with someone over not being married, then you don't really love him and hence shouldn't get married. If the relationship doesn't progress as a whole in terms of how you feel for each, getting comfortable with each other etc... Then break up right away. Personally I don't want to get married untill after I have kids because marriage gives women a sense of "I'm set for life" and makes them put less effort into themselves, the relationship etc. And what's the difference? If I know I love her that much and I'll be with her for the rest of my life then popping the question 10 years into the relationship doesn't change a thing. If by chance it doesn't work out in year 5,6,7,8, etc.. then it'll be easier to walk away cause let's face it we've all been at a point where we should walk away from a relationship but make some lame excuse for giving it another try. Marriage just adds to that.

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    • Me and my current boyfriend have a 6 1/2 month old daughter, and I will never feel like "im set for life" because sometimes getting married isn't for ever, death can happen early among other things. I currently want to get married because he has a job that can sometimes be dangerous and last time he got hurt the hospital wouldn't let me see him or give me any info unless we where married, the next time I was in the hospital giving birth to his daughter and I almost died... they wouldn't let him see us

    • See those are different conditions, your question was generic. I'd just talk to him about it. Can't really give any advice beyond that cause it depends on how you two feel about each other. Obviously the answer to your question is ASAP, but if he doesn't feel the same way then it depends on how much longer you can put up with the stress of the situation etc...

  • At 26, you probably have ~10 years of good fertility left. How long do YOU want to wait?

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    • I may only be 26 but I don't have 10 years of fertility left, maybe 4 tops but that's due to medical issues and I already have children

    • If that's out of the equation, then how long do you want to wait? Figuring an average dating time of a year, engagement of a year...you're 2 years from today from getting married on any given day.

  • Whenever you feel like you want to take the extra step. There really isn't a timeframe.

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  • What are his thoughts on marriage?

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    • he wants to get married and he has been thinking about it for over a year now(before we knew I was pregant)but he seems to think I want a big wedding with a huge expencive dress, a big diamond and stuff but really I'm happy with a small wedding and a cheep dress and whatever ring we can afford

    • Then tell him that.

  • No? Why would you leave something good over a ring? I mean if you left him, you'd have to re-start with someone else. Be patient as he's not ready to marry you yet.

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What Girls Said 8

  • It all depends but assuming that both parties already have stable jobs, have managed to Finnish their studying to the level they desired, then 1-2 years would be my time limit. If the dude doesn't feel like marrying me after two years, then he definitely won't feel that way after 5 or 10 years and eventhough some men here say that the relationship is what matters and bla bla bla. If the dude doesn't care about me enough to formally agree that we are a serious couple he gets the sack. Period. Call me cold hearted, unrealistic and a bunch of hoo haa, the reason men don't marry is cause it matters to them. If I'm not important enough foe him to marry and propose without me begging or giving ultimatums then I'm better off testing my luck elsewhere.

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    • He has a stable job and is at the level of education he wants, I have the level of education I want and I stay at home with my children, we can afford for me to stay at home with the kids because I do still bring in some money on a month to month basis, we have lived together 2 1/2 years and he wants to get arried he just say he wants it to be the right time whatever that really means

    • Ask him what the right time means? If its a vague and stupid answer with no specifics please give him a time limit and if he still doesn't want to commit. Leave.

  • Around 5 or 6 years of living together. That's important. If you have had a relationship for as many years, but haven't been living together, then you don't really know each other. When you do live together, you get to see all of them: their mental breakdowns, their happiest moments, their work schedule etc. Conflicts will arise and you can see how you both react to them. You will live together if you get married and it's better to test the situation for a few years instead of jumping right into it.

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  • I personally wouldn't get married in the first 1-2 years, just because I'm still figuring out who the guy is during that time. I think 3-4 years is fine maybe even 5.

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  • Depends on your age, if you start dating at 18, then I'd say around 7-10yrs, if you started dating at 28, then 18mths-2yrs.

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  • When you still worry about them saying No, it's not the time. Otherwise, make sure you are on the same page about your relationship on kids, marriage etc. I didn't vote.

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  • Definitely 3-4 years!

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  • As you were getting serious into the relationship I hope that you made it plain to him that you want to be a wife. If not then it is not his fault for not being able to read your mind. At this point if you feel that you do not love him or that you have been betrayed or lied to because you are an unmarried mother, then you can leave him. If you ever feel like getting into a relationship again just make sure that you know what you want so that there is no confusion and maybe he feels that you want to get married because you have his child. but the truth is legally just because you have his child does not mean he has to stay with you. He has to pay child support but that is it.

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  • I would walk away after 3 years if I didn't see the relationship progressing to my standards. But its individual. At my age (20), I wouldn't be concerned until year 4. Just depends, although I'd think after 2 years you should definitely have talked about the long-term future.

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