What to do about anger issues?

today and last night I was too pissed off to have sex with my wife. I mean there was literally a molten sensation in my brain from fury. I wanted to have sex with her but all of my senses, to include touch, seemed distant and detached. I used to kind of like the 'swimming in rage' sensation, but now that it's interfering with my sex life I want no part of it anymore. But there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. I can't just talk it out with my wife because she's very sensitive to criticism, and her pouting just infuriates me further. I know this place is overrun with adolescents and trolls, but occasionally someone has words of wisdom. Any takers?

oh, ps. I'm not violent.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally would seek out counselling. Little things shouldn't set you off like that, or interfere with your life. Some people are just wired to be more aggressive than others, this definitely crosses the line.

    A counsellor can help find out why you have such deep anger issues and give you tips on dealing with them so that your anger doesn't become a hindrance to enjoying your life.

    The only thing I can say in the meantime is to try and take a step back when you feel like you are incredibly angry. You aren't violent, which is very good, but you still need to teach yourself to let go of the anger. Whenever your wife upsets you, step away from the situation, go on a walk, drink a glass of water, isolate yourself from your wife.

    Give yourself some time to calm down and breath. Then when you are not so emotionally involved in the situation, think about it in a logical way.

    Things like being interrupted while playing a game can be frustrating, but not to the point that you have described.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • you were too angry to have sex. itsbest you don't have sex when angry because well it can be disrespectful. and become a very negative experience ior both of you. especially if you all are not in the habit of having angry sex-hihcusually requires two angry parties anyways.

    its rational to avoid sex when you're feeling that way. its a mature thing to do, though it may be frustrating.

    if you only feel that way once a month it can't be interfering with your sex life, unless you already have an extremely diminished sex life. which again can be a source of anger. or the anger can be a symptom of another problem, entirely. both would affect sex adversely.

    or a something else, causing anger.

    sonds like you're angry about an actual problem that you keep pushing down until it attacks you in a big way once in awhile. but you're feeling like its disruptive because its just a continuation of anger you're feeling all along.,

    tihs enjoying the feeling of swimming in anger. it sounds like yove made yourself an offer you can't refuse. if you're swimming in anger you don't really have a choice about it and if you don't enjoy it ud be stuck being miserable.

    thogh perhaps the enjoyment used to feel was because of the purpose anger can serve if we act on it. anger can be healthy if appropriated properly and effectively.

    you useanger to change ypuorsituation for the better,

    if nothing is done it consumes u. you go from swimming to drowning. you're getting to the point you feel drowning coming on,

    i think you should very honestly and closely examine why yore angry and seriously think of what can be changed and what can not and what you can do about both.

    whatdo you mean by 'being forced to live a life you don't want'.

    what in your life don't you want?

    what did you want?

    what do you want?

  • "like being tricked into living a life I don't actually want." Is this what you feel has happened in your life?

  • Think of it this way. What's really making you angry? Sometimes one thinks that theyre angry because of a small thing when in reality it's because of something much deeper than that. Usually when I get angry I just lock myself in my room, but that never works since my sister catches me crying and asks me what's wrong. As much as I don't want to say it, when I talk to her, I end up realizing why I'm angry and how I can solve it. If you don't want to talk, than go running. It always puts some anger out and keeps you fit. Or try doing art. Even if you don't know how, it's a great form of therapy. But to truelly get past your anger, ou have to deal with it first, ad the first step is knowing what is bothering you so much.

  • Medication, therapy, meditation along with a good dose of behavior modification. You need help my friend

  • Meditation.

    Take time to do something you enjoy, it helps you unwind.

    Vent to a friend, but then do something fun so you can replace the anger with another emotion, like joy. Getting rid of an emotion isn't enough, you have to replace with something new.

  • Anger management


What Guys Said 4

  • Exercise - exercising almost instantly reduces stress and anger, which enables me to meditate in a calm emotional state. With that, I encourage you to jog, swim, bike ride, or weight lift whenever you feel angry.

  • Let's start from square 1: What are you angry about? Sometimes being angry is normal and it's not an issue.

    After that how long do you tend to be angry and how easy is it for you to get angry? If you're a short fuse with a huge blast radius that's not good; it's normal, but not really good, and there are techniques that can be used to either lengthen the fuse or hasten the explosion.

    Mind you if you get angry once every few months or so at something ridiculous for a few days ( say 4 ) that's normal and healthy. Still, it can be augmented.

    • usually nothing gets to me. every once in a while something sets me off. some minor frustration like being interrupted while playing a game or something. But even this is usually short-lived unless it resonates with some larger issue. like being tricked into living a life I don't actually want.

    • So it sounds like you are actually angry for a good reason and you don't actually have "anger issues". Have you considered this? That you are experiencing normal, healthy anger? And that it's okay to not want to have hot sex while you are boiling internally? Because all of this is true.

  • From reading a few of your comments...No, an "anger issue" isn't really seem like it. Maybe a short fuse?

    The dudes I've known to have serious anger issues, most tended to have really physically abusive child hoods. Not spanking, I mean an early life of just getting beat by there parents.

    It almost sounds like you have a legitimate issue that's bothering you. Something you're not happy about. The fact you feel talking to your wife isn't possible just makes it worse. The one person you should be able to talk to would be her. Maybe you two should try counseling or a something to get a better understanding on how you guys can communicate better. Girls I've dated that where sensitive like that were easier to talk once they understood I wasn't attacking them.

    The fact that you realize you have an issue makes me feel this might not be a problem for you much longer. Good luck