I met a guy off of a dating site. I'm a Christian, he's a Christian. We're both over 30...he's two years younger. I'm divorced with two kids. He's a bachelor with no kids and is in the military. After many years of single parenting, I'm finally ready to marry again. There's the background.
We were matched in March and began e-mailing. Then we began talking on the phone and texting. We are so alike we could pretty much be the same person. He's a beautiful person with an amazing personality. And he pursued me...hard. I'm old-fashioned and won't call a guy or text first (usually). He called or texted almost every day for about a month and a half. Some days he'd call several times and he would text from sun up to sun down.
He had talked about coming to meet me since one of the first phone conversations (he lives about 1,200 miles away from me). His job had kept him from visiting, so when the opportunity arose for me to go up there, I did.
The date was going well until we had a conversation about what it takes to have a successful marriage. As a Christian, I'm looking for a biblical marriage, meaning the man is the spiritual head of the household. For that to happen, he has to look to God for guidance and not try to do everything on his own. That's the only way I can trust that he's making the right decisions. It's the only way I can respect him. After I said that, he looked defeated and said he was going to be single forever. As for the date, the air just came out of that balloon.
When I left, he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek (the extent of our physical contact) and then texted me to say "Thanks for coming. I had fun." Later that day I texted him to let him know it was okay if he wasn't feeling it. He basically said he was attracted to me and had fun, but talking with me made him realize that he's not ready to be with anyone yet.
OK...fine. I don't need someone who isn't ready yet. But then he said "I'm not going to stop texting, though."
Why the heck not? Does he want to be friends? OK, that's alright. But I'm not going to be the person who's there when he's lonely and feeds his ego.
It has been three days since our date and he texted me yesterday and the day before. I sent one-word answers and cut the conversation VERY short (like I sent one text each time). He was just checking on me to make sure I got home okay and whatnot.
Anyway...here's the problem. Now that we've met, I really like him. He's pretty much amazing. But, he's right, he's not ready yet. I want to be his friend, but like I said, I won't be his ego feeder. Any ideas as to why he wants to keep in contact? Am I right or wrong to keep the communication very limited? And should I sort of keep him around as a potential mate in the future?
Btw, you don't have to be Christian to answer this, but if you have knowledge of biblical principles you'll probably see the situation a little more clearly.
Thanks for your help!
Most Helpful Guy
I suggest you ask him all these questions. He can answer them better than any of us.
You have every right to set your own boundaries and expectations. If this guy's not a match, I vote for letting him go. Don't try to be friends, don't feed his ego (if that's what he wants). You're looking for a husband, not a friend.
If you don't want to see him, I think you owe him the courtesy of a clear and direct message. "You're a great guy, but it's too painful and confusing for me to see you as anything other than a serious boyfriend or spouse. Good luck, but please don't contact me unless you change your mind are ready to get serious."2