She wants marriage... I want out. Help!

I have been dating this girl for almost a year, in early October we'll have our first anniversary. This fall, I moved away to grad school 4 hours away, and I have been wanting to end the relationship for awhile.

A couple weekends ago, my best friend got married and I was a groomsman and brought her along to the wedding. Something about a weekend of marriage stuff with her long term boyfriend brought out her inner thoughts of marriage. She's started joking around with the idea of a ring being her anniversary present.

Meanwhile, not only do I not want to get married (I'm only 23 and still in school!) but I want to break up. I don't think I'm in love with this gal, and while she is cool, she certainly isn't the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

This will be the first serious relationship that I will be the one to end, and I am finding out that I completely lack the ability to do so! She certainly isn't going to be the one to do it, she wants to be together forever.

Advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • bad situation, its unfair of her to hint around like that for a ring when she's barely been with you a year and you haven't talked about it in a serious conversation together.

    i would use the excuse about you moving four hours away from her and that you are deciding to focus all of your efforts on doing the best you can at school as you aren't doing too well recently due to focusing half of your time on a long distance relationship as the reason to break up with her. it may not be true but it will seem like a legitimate reason for her and will be less hurtful than telling her you don't want to marry her or she's not the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    if she then presses it and clings on saying she will move closer or something then I would let her know that you don't feel ready to commit to marriage and that the relationship is moving too fast and you are too young and feeling pressured. Again don't mention that you don't see her as the type of person you want to spend you life with as that's hurtful and implying you just don't like her rather than not liking her in addition to not being ready

    if she still clings then you might have to cut all contact with her until she gives up pestering you and tell her that you aren't willing to deal with your ex harassing you and that you expected her to be more mature about it.

    do it face to face, there's nothing worse than being dumped over a text message, email or Facebook message.

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    • But I am 4 hours away, what about through phone or Skype?

    • well that's what I meant, use the fact that you are 4 hours away as an excuse to break it off as you don't want a long distance relationship and you need to focus on school, Skype is just as bad as a text or email and phone is a bit better but face to face would still be best

What Girls Said 3

  • Just tell her it's over. Don't string her along or make her think you're going to marry her if you're not. It's not fair to either of you.

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  • That girl is mental. Just break it up. Pussyfooting around it won't help anyone.

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  • Just be genuine. Tell her how it is and apologize. Atleast you're being honest with her.

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What Guys Said 8

  • well I think you've answered you're own question man :/ You don't want to even be in this relationship and you can't see yourself being with her so why stick with it? you both want two different things and in these given circumstances it just can't work out. Its also a very stressful busy time going through school and at this point in your life that's where your effort should be going. Not to say don't have any relationships in school, but they can complicate things as I'm sure you've experienced.

    Breaking up is hard, it really is so I feel for you man. I'm in my first serious relationship right now and I couldn't even fathom the idea of breaking up with her. But you gotta do it, not just for you but for her. She's looking to get married and be with the love of her life and as sh*tty as it is for her, you're not that guy. So you have to let her go so that you can focus on your studies and so that she can find someone who is ready for marriage. I think you should start by telling her you two "need to talk" it will spark the conversation and basically force you to say it. It really only benefits you both. In this case sooner is much better than later, not to pressure you but there are lots of events you'll want to avoid breaking up with her around (thanksgiving if you're canadian, Halloween, anniversary, Christmas, new years) and then also the sooner you do it the quicker you can both start the healing process and such. Its not going to be easy, there's no way to make it easy. Just realize that its better for you both to part your separate ways and that even though the relationship has come to an end that the lessons and experience you've gained from this will stay with you both for the rest of your lives. Hope this helps you out man, best of luck :)

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  • This is a dilemma, one that I hated being in myself. One way to start the process rolling is when she brings up marriage again is to tell her that you really don't feel ready to be married anytime soon. That will highlight your very different priorities without needing to say that you don't want to marry her. Granted that she may press you for specifics that lead you to tell her that you don't want to be together. Hopefully, that can be averted where you can agree that since she's ready for marriage she should be with a guy who's ready for marriage. This is not to suggest that it would be an easy conversation. I don't see any easy way out of this.

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  • Yeah. Stop being a f***ing coward and do what needs to be done.

    Don't lie, don't duck her, don't do it in the easiest way possible. Stop being a baby. Do it clearly and directly. She'll cry. You'll leave. You'll look back and know you handled it maturely.

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  • As a Married man, let me tell you, it ain't gonna be easy on her, and it will be a change for you, since you're used to being with her. I'm not trying to preach, but you have to let her down as easily as you possibly can, but at the same time make sure she gets the message.

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  • Stop leading her on and end the relationship. Unfortunately you won't be able to spare her pain. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do the right thing and be honest with her. We all deserve to hear the truth - even the unpleasant ones.

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  • Well she may have been joking about the ring thing but it can't matter because you've already made up your mind. Don't drag it out and make it harder than it should be Just be honest, say what you want to say and get it over with.

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  • Do it;. Stop dragging your feet.

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  • You just have to tell her what you want and be prepared to face whatever she says. I don't get why people are so afraid to say how they feel

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