Marriage and Relationships: Why Bother?

I found an interesting online article about why many men avoid marriage. I thought it might start an interesting discussion. Here are the opening and closing paragraphs, with a few selected quotes in between.

"Nowadays, for many men, the negatives of marriage for men often outweigh the positives. Therefore, they engage in it less often. Not because they are bad, not because they are perpetual adolescents, but because they have weighed the pros and cons of marriage in a rational manner and found the institution to be lacking for them. I think women don’t understand how clinical men can be when it comes to analyzing a relationship. (Note: just because we don’t talk about our relationship with you, doesn’t mean we don’t analyze it.) ...

"[W]hen the negatives consistently outweigh the positives, the man will say (to himself), 'You know what? This isn’t worth the hassle. The hell with it.' [...] What’s interesting about all this is that as men grow older, the process becomes a lot quicker—mostly, it should be said, because younger men can put up with almost anything if they’re getting laid. As men get older and sex becomes less important, however, the 'bullsh!t' factor and the tolerance thereof become more important...

"The saddest part of this is that all things being equal, most men actually enjoy being married, and look forward to it...

"The men who are resisting being married are cutting themselves off from all this—and women should ask themselves why this is the case, without resorting to the 'men are just refusing to grow up' bullsh!t. They’re not refusing to grow up: this is the reaction to the constant belittlement and the infantilizing treatment they’ve been exposed to all their lives. "

Full article here: link

This article really struck a chord with me. I'm single and over 30. People I barely know (mostly women) have accused of being too picky, immature, afraid of intimacy, or have used other common shaming tactics to devalue the opinions and feelings of men. link

The truth is, I'm very easy to please ... but I don't tolerate much crap from *anyone*, male or female. And I've gotten more manure than flowers from single women my age ... I go months and months without even trying to date. Sometimes, it's just not worth the hassle to me.

Any thoughts? Lets keep it reasoned and civil. I want to read thoughtful ideas on this. Perhaps read the articles and think about 'em for a few hours before posting a reply.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I get a giggle out of all the "fear of commitment" things I hear bantered about. I generally hear it from people that I wouldn't want to commit to either.

    Been married for 16 years but there are a lot of women I didn't marry along the way. Not the right one and I wasn't willing to compromise.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think that marriage is for everyone. I don't think it's a matter of being too picky, immature, afraid of intimacy or any other such negative reasons. In reality, some people simply are not cut out for marriage. No big deal.

    Personally, I never thought I would get married until I met my now fiance. I just had never met a guy I could see myself with for the rest of my life. In this day and age marriage is a dying union. I am engaged and know that I have made a great decision. My fiance is amazing on so many levels. We both are very committed to one another.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I think you are spot on with this one. We live in a socitey where a lot of women blame all their problems on men and that is immuture and the ones that do this need to grow up!. Feminism has taught women that men are bad and women are good and now that men are not wanting to get married as much they will not take responibility for this, they blame it on men. No wonder men are giving up!! I know not all women are like this but a lot seem to be. I mean all a man has to do these days is glance at a woman and he can easy recive a nasty scowl or frown. How pathetic and immture of girls that do this. I read an atricle on marriage and femenism and the damage femenism is doing to marriage.

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    • The article was also saying the stuff men have to put up with in society. It was an extremmly interesting read. It was spot on with the truth and no it was not written by a guy it was written by a woman. I found myself agreeing with every aspect of it.

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