My depression has ruined my relationship. Is there any saving it?

My fiance (19) and I (20) are currently in crumbling relationship, mostly due to my depression. I have been told by a therapist that I exhibit most of the symptoms very heavily, but I refuse to go to a doc for meds because I'm afraid I won't be myself. Anyways, I am not blaming my actions on my disorder, but it definitely does not help. Not to mention, my fiance is a compulsive liar and that does not help with my assuming things and paranoid behavior.

Earlier this year, my fiance and I were both attending college, but I was not happy in the least bit. I hated my small home town, living with my parents, and school did not interest me. So I got the bright idea of moving to Alaska and wanted my fiance to come. We both dropped everything, and moved. His parents live in Alaska, so we weren't completely alone. About 2 months in, I start picking out things I hate about living there. My fiance found a very good paying job through his dad in the fiber splicing business, has a company vehicle, and the company wants to pay for him to get even more training. I, meanwhile, went through three jobs in 5 months because I felt like an outsider at every job I had. Then, everything my fiance did started getting on my nerves. We fought about everything, I would say extremely hurtful things and then regret it, and he put up with me. He always says he never knows if I'm going to have a good day or a bad day. I would say I can't help if everything in my life is screwed up, that's what puts me in a bad mood. About 6 months in to living in AK, we finally had a huge argument, where I proceeded to tell him I have never loved him and wanted to break up. I booked a flight home, sold my big stuff, and mailed the rest. I was home in two days. He was furious with me, his family is now persuading him to leave his "crazy" fiance. And now I regret moving home. I love my family, but I was so impulsive in leaving and I said hateful, wrong things out of emotion, and now I hate myself even more.

It has been a month since then, and I feel I can't move back to Alaska because his family hates my guts for what I did. My family (of course) wants me here, but I want to be with him. He wants us to be together too, but he says he is finally standing his ground and making the decision to stay in Alaska because I have taken this too far. I wish he would come here to be around my family, like he was before. But he says he is staying for his job. I just don't know what to do. I have burned so many bridges, I apologize all I can for everything I've done and he says he forgives me, but then later he keeps bringing them back up. However, he says I should apologize to his parents as well, when I don't think I should because it doesn't have to do with them. Ugh. I just don't know what to do here.. Leaving him won't solve anything. And if I don't change, I don't think staying with him will either..

Updates:
I have also told him I am willing to change because I don't want to lose him, but I don't think he believes I will change. I have changed my mind and made rash decisions so many times, I don't blame him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you do sound unstable as f***. that's not meant to be an insult, I'm mentally unstable myself and take anti-depressants.

    I would highly recommend TRYING anti-depressants. you can ALWAYS get off them.

    my quality of life is MUCH higher now that I'm on pills. you can't fight past brain chemistry.

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    • That's nice and all, but how does going on crazy pills help my relationship. My fiance's parents hate me, my fiance refuses to leave a state that is 4000 miles away from me, and I'm at home, unable to fix anything.

What Guys Said 3

  • All I needed to read was "...my fiance is a compulsive liar..." to know that you should not be in this "engagement".

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    • He lied to me about smoking when we were friends and about some things during our relationship that all had to do with his low self esteem.. He quit smoking immediately after for his health and because I cannot stand smoking, also he came clean about the other lies. He has not lied in a long time. He is working through his issues, as am I trying to.. Is he supposed to never get married just because he is struggling with something?

  • You say: "I refuse to go to a doc for meds because I'm afraid I won't be myself."

    That's kind of the POINT!

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    • I meant, I've heard anti-depressants can have all kinds of side effects. Yes, I understand they are technically supposed to make me "not myself" by making me a happy person, but I meant the grogginess, zombie-like personality, etc. that I've heard and read about..

    • Those side effects don't effect everyone. You'll never know what they may do to YOU if you don't try them.

  • Of course you won't be yourself because you won't be depressed sweetheart!

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    • Thanks. But like I said, how does that fix my relationship?

    • Simple. When you stop being depressed you get back together with him

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