After 2 serious relationships (each longer than 3 years) without great concerns about future, I met a boy recently and he became my boyfriend. This time, I did start to plan a future in my head with him and started taking things quite seriously, to the point where I considered living with somebody for the first time.
The problem is, in my other relationships I was SO used to taking everything extra slowly, with no great plans, just enjoying each others' company. Now, I'm starting to hear about marriage plans (we haven't been dating for more than a year...). In my environment since I was born, I have not met ONE couple who stayed together as they had promised each other. My parents are divorced, my friends' parents are divorced, I grew up surrounded by divorced women who live by themselves and it even feels weird to have the presence of a male in our house. To me believing in marriage was like believing in Santa Claus, it just didn't make sense since I was a child.
The problem is, I wish I would want this. I think the idea of marriage, staying with someone you love, having a family is something beautiful. But while I've seen other girls getting hysterical over a wedding dress, planning to meet their prince charming and having a huge party and getting old together with their husbands, I have never felt this in my life. I feel envy for those girls. As you see, my problem is not afraid of committing, I don't even get nervous thinking about having kids, just marriage itself and the idea of a wedding.
How can I overcome this? I have no reason around me to believe marriage works and I start feeling anxious every time people talk about "getting married", "being a bride", etc.
Most Helpful Guy
understand that you are different then those people who got divorced. everyone is different and behaves differently in relationships. So just be smart and do the best you can to figure out before getting married that this seems like a guy you wantt o spend you life with and then trust your instincts and years of experience dating to know that you have made a smart decision.
i understand your fears coming from a background where divorce is prevalent must make a lifetime commitment to someone seem like not a realistic endeavor. I'm in a similar position where either people were divorced or miserable in their marriages.
I just trust my instinct which tells me I want to be with someone, and despite even some bumpy relationships in my past assume that I will do my best to judge whether a person is right for me forever and then mentall commit to it ... don't feel any rush to get married. It's great to think about it but as I had to do in my relationships, I pumped the brakes despite the fact that I love my gf/fiance. take your time to make the best decision possible0