How do I deal with our marital differences?

I am a Christian always have been always will be, my husband grew up as a catholic. When we got married I wasn't living for the lord, about 2-3 years into our marriage we decided to start going to church and living as better people. We agreed on my church because I was stubborn about going to a catholic church... Well we did good with going to church for a good while, I'm not sure how long, but eventually we stopped going. In February 2013, we separated and I moved out for a while, we both begin drinking alcohol, smoking, and engaging in other bad behavior. We got back together a few months later, but the alcohol and smoking came along with us. I have been feeling really bad about living such a sinful life, so I told him I plan on going back to church and stopping all the bad behavior. He seemed mad and even a little defensive. That conversation ended with him apologizing for being mean and agreeing to being better people. So as of now a few days after the conversation, he hasn't changed. He still is doing everything the same, I am doing the best that I can to change. I feel like we are going to end up divorcing because he doesn't want things to change and I do. What would you do in a situation like this? I'm not trying to change him, but I don't know how I can stick to a certain lifestyle while he does the same thing as we used to. I know its sudden and shocking for him, but I would support any sudden decisions he made. I still have those moments where I could easily be just the way I was, that's why I need my husband to be strong too... So confusing.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What is it that you truly want? What is it that you wsnt him to stop doing? I believe that if you feel like you want to be saved by the lord, or if you need to find peace within yourself. You need to do that for yourself. Him being there, won't help you find inner peace. What is it that you think you're doing so bad? Smoking is t good for your health, and drinking isn't good for your liver, In excess drinking can and is bad, for your health. Are you kind to other? Are you a dishonest person? Do you hurt lie steal cheat kill? I think you feel lost and you're searching for answers to whatever inner questions you have about yourself. If you wsnt to find god, you and only you can do that. If you truly trust in god, don't question what he does. He always has a reason for doing what he is doing. Your hubby may feel different about himself. The more you push him to do what you want, the more he will pull away. And feel like you're forcing him to live a life you want him to live. Your place is not to judge but to understand. Only god judges others. You need to find the strength inside you to deal with your own personal Desmons. Believe me. We all have one of those. Or a few of those. Your hubbys job isn't to make you stay sober, or stop smoking or make you feel happy or make you go to church. Plus you want him to stop smoking drinking and go to church. You have laid a lot of responsibility onto him. And he will become resentful. I AM not meaning to sound mean or uncaring. I'm direct with my answer. You need to find all those things yourself. You deserve to feel inner peace and happiness. And sometimes our partners are like a drug, we know they aren't good for us, but we can't kick the habit. In time when you fix yourself, you will see the world in a different light.

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    • Wow! Your answer is absolutely perfect! I am dealing with my own demons, I am having a really hard time changing. I feel like a failure because these worldly things are still so much in my every day life. It is so easy to do the things that I know is wrong, and so hard to change and just stop it all. I have been a cheater in the past, I do have lust problems. I lie more than I should, I don't steal or kill but I do cuss a lot. I have a lot of issues to work on and I guess I thought it would be easy.

What Guys Said 2

  • Unfortunately as you know you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I can only suggest that you tell him that his behavior staying the same will jeopardize the marriage even further, that you cannot be drug down to his level.

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  • As with pretty much any other; communication and compromise. If neither one of you wants to compromise you're at an impasse.

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