What should I do ab my marriage?

Ok I've bee married for 4 years and been with my wife for 5. We have two little boys together. My wife was a virgin when we met I wasn't. Ab a year ago I cheated on her and came clean ab it. I couldn't live with the guilt. She forgave me and since then I have been trying my best to show how much I love her and regret my mistake. Well a few days before Christmas she told me she wanted to separate and left me on Christmas. A few days later she spoke talked ab coming back saying she missed me to much but the next day I noticed a change. A few days later she told me she slept with my best friend. I was angry and hurt at them both but I forgave them both. my wife moved back in days later. And ironically almost took a bullet saving my best friends life two days later. Well my wife says that me cheating had nothing to do with her leaving that she wanted to experience the world and if she wanted another guy then so be it. But right now were just roomates who sleep together. She says she won't date another guy while she's living with me but I can date out if I want. Which I don't want to I'm still crazy ab her. I kiss her on the head twice a day and tell her I love her each time. A lot of people are telling me I may needto move on sshould I or should I keep fighting because everything I do doesn't seem to work.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your options to salvage the marriage may be quite limited if I am correct.

    By marrying your wife prior to her experiencing the world, independence, and single-hood in her adults years, you may have impeded the process of discovering herself. As a consequence, she may be extremely curious about being with other men and exploring the various possibilities that had to left behind to live up to her self-expectations and societal norms of what a wife should be.

    What's more, she slept with your "best man." The symbolism of the act does not need further investigation.

    In addition, she may have given you her approval to date other women to excuse herself of guilt and culpability if she decided to opt for another change outside of the marriage, unfortunately. To add insult to injury, she, according to you, has become your roommate.

    To put two and two together, or three if you will, it is fair to say that her actions are partly due to her own ambitions and desires, which may reduce the effectiveness of your attempts to convince her to remain.

    All of that being said, wearing your shoes, I would give her space, show her the extent of my desire and appreciation for her by taking her out on dates, weekends away, and investing in couples-esque time together, in addition to articulating my feelings.

    In other words, I would greatly change the routine of the relationship.


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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds to me like she has someone else in her head and heart, that's why she's not wanting to try to make your marriage work.. but she probably doesn't want to leave you for various reasons, here are just some I could think of.. she has a long history with you, a part of her still loves you deeply, you have children together and are married, what is family and people going to say?, she's not 100% sure the man she likes at the moment likes her back the same way and is serious with her, she's scared to leave to try to be happy and fail and it'll be too late to go back with you, and she's not sure about her own feelings.. What I suggest you to do is pretend you're not so interested in winning her love back and give her the doubt that you may be talking with someone else, but always deny you are (even if YOU ARE really not talking with anyone else).. this will get her attention quickly and she'll feel like she has competition so therefore she'll try to work out things with you..

  • I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but if you're crazy about her then why did you cheat on her?

  • Wow, it is such a hard place to be. I suggest some counseling, for both of you. I had troubles in my marriage, and we each had individual counseling sessions, then joined together in sessions to open communication. We were both working very hard to find the best solutions on our own, without success. I was positive that my marriage was over, but we worked it out through counseling.


What Guys Said 4

  • Is it so hard to type abOUT? I was confused about the title.

    Anyway, your wife gave you one of the most precious gifts a woman can give only one man. A part of her soul, heart, and mind are forever bonded to you because of it.

    When she says she wasn't hurt by the affair, if you believe her, I have some oceanfront property to sell you in North Dakota.

    You devastated her. Whether or not she acknowledges it herself, doesn't change the facts.

    On a level you still love her. But I get the feeling you are holding back from her. Not... Purposefully, or intentionally. But there is some kind of block in your soul, and heart, that are preventing you from fully letting her in. When a man loves a woman, and lets her into his vulnerable heart, she will see it. She will just KNOW. And you will be hard pressed to pry that woman from his arms.

    In my opinion, what you need to do is sit down with her, and allow her deeper into your heart. Woo her, as if your relationship depended on it. Because it does. Become a little boy, again- recall your childhood memories, hopes, and fantasies, and acknowledge her as the fulfillment of those things.

    You need to coax her heart back to you, but instead of carrying on as you have, it's a good idea to allow her even deeper into your heart. You likely have block walls up and around your heart (From a past girlfriend, maybe?) that are preventing you from giving her all of your love.

    Women crave true love. And you can give it to her. But you must trust her... Open yourself up to her.

    You have two kids, two great reasons to tear down those walls around your heart.

    I promise you, if you can become vulnerable to this woman you love so much, you will be rewarded with the best friend you ever could hope to have- and a sweet, sweet lover. It's a win- win.


  • You two can still pull this together and walk away happy. But your heads need to be distilled with vinegar; its time for each of you to ditch some thought processes that lead to turmoil and adopt new thinking that will lead to success.

    For starters, she needs to ditch this whole seeing the world crap. I've been on three continents, does that mean I'll live a happier life if I visit all 7? Can someone who has only lived on one have a happier life than me? Exploring is just that, exploring. But that doesn't change that we make our own gardens, and we carry our true destination with us wherever we go.

    You're both probably crazy busy with two kids and trying to make it together. Times to just sit down and talk are probably rare. Have you both been making the most out of the quality of these times, or have they been wasted in unproductive discussions or fights? Are important talks avoided by focusing on distractions?

    You both damaged eachother horribly with your respective cheating scenarios, but even past that this whole thing is going to run a lot deeper. Get your icepick out and start working on that tip, its a long way through the rest of the iceberg.

    A secular response is life coaching or therapy. There is also many faith-based services that attend to these kinds of problems. Whatever your belief is, you're going to need help. If you think that "time" is going to fix this, its only going to get worse.

  • Don't move on just yet. I can't blame her for wanting to "try out another guy" You did with a girl so she was just probably curious. I think you need to talk about your relationship, what you each expect in sex and what you each like and don;t like. Are you having any sex now with er ...or only by yourself? You have a commitment to your two boys and should do everything possible to save what you have...for each other and for your kids. Please consider counseling but most of all please talk to each other and please include a talk about sex and your expectations.

  • I would walk away from this as fast as possible. If you care for your kids, the part where she destroyed your marriage because of her needs based on her curiosity... says a lot about how much she cares.