I've been best friends with my friend for 4 years now. I was there from square one when she began dating her now fiancee. I am also good friends with him because we all 3 hang out. My best friend and I had the conversation a couple years ago about being in each others weddings. We decided that we going to be each others maid of honor. After my friend got engaged, I re-visited that conversation and told her that even though she was moving far away that I would 100% be there and that I hoped that me being in the wedding was still the plan. She didn't correct me. Ever since then, her and I have been wedding planning, dress shopping, I did her hair and makeup for her engagement pictures, and I have made props for her pictures as well. There was never talk about bridesmaids.
Today I find out from a mutual friend that my best friend is only having her 3 sisters be bridesmaids. I understand the whole family thing, but she doesn't even talk to two of those sisters, and she never even told me that I wasn't going to be her maid of honor or even a bridesmaid like originally planned.
I'm upset that I had to find out from someone else and not her. And I'm upset that I've essentially been led on to thinking I was in the wedding, especially after all the work I have been doing for the wedding.
How should I approach this issue? And do I have a legit reason to be upset? I feel slightly selfish.
Most Helpful Guy
You have reason to be upset. She had once told you that you would be. When you tried to confirm this with her, her silence was bound to be understood as agreement. She misled you. While you are not entitled to the honor, having it taken away after the fact is a different matter. She really should have told you when you asked about it again. Are you absolutely certain that your mutual friend is right about this? It could be a misunderstanding. Etiquette would say that you pretend that you were not originally invited to be in the wedding and be there for her as a wedding guest.
This is a lot to ask of anyone. If you can put it aside to forgive and forget, this would relieve stress on her. If this is going to be a problem that will drive a wedge between you, then it should be brought up at some point. It would be better for her later but that may not be bearable for you to wait until after the wedding. If you feel like you have to bring it up, I suggest phrasing it for clarification that you were led to believe that you would be in the wedding but apparently you won't be? Assuming this is the case, you have to decide just how much you want to press her about why she didn't say anything. She does not owe you a place in the wedding but she did owe you the truth when you last talked to her about that. Before going into all this, decide what you want to come out of it. If you don't give her the chance to make up for this and repair any rift, there's no point in bringing it up at all.0