I'm torn. On the one hand, I would never EVER want to be in a position to say the "if we don't get married, I'm moving on with my life" line, there are some circumstances in which I understand why some women think this is their best option. (caveat I am 24, not married, and not ready to be married).
I get how if the woman is approaching 30 the biological clock can be a factor.
Also what if she just decided that she waited long enough, broke up with him because she wanted to settle down and have kids and finds out that he actually DOES want the same things, it would have been a good idea to say that she wanted to get married or she was leaving instead of just up and leaving.
I also understand how this comes across as a threat and a demand and that's unattractive in a partner.
To me, it comes across more like a misunderstood and very poorly worded: "I love you and I want to marry you, if you don't want the same, I need to find someone who wants me as much as I want them".
Thoughts on this?
- Ultimatums are awful! Never do it!Vote A
- Ultimatums work like a charm! Do it!Vote B
- Ultimatums have their place, it depends on the situationVote C
haha 1) I'm only 24 and not ready to get married at all so they clearly didn't read the question
2) I'm glad people here can discuss without name calling and woman hating
Most Helpful Guy
Ultimatums should not be used as a threat to bully people into doing what you want.
But if they represent actual true dealbreakers and you are being honest about them, then its about being honest.
That doesn't mean 'you should make every want a dealbreaker and use an ultimatum'. But people do and should have things that they require and its not unreasonable to say 'if we're not on the same page on this, well I will need to move on and wish you the best'.8