Is having kids practically the only reason for marriage?

What if I never want kids? I'm nearly 27 and never had any interest in reproducing. I'm still in college but more than half-way (it's a long story and I had to quit for a while for personal reasons but I'm back and will finish my major this time).

Though I'm interested in some day getting engaged, kids I don't want,which is why I'm not in a rush.

I have heard about men's fear of marriage but what if I don't care about kids (would do a tubal ligation if given the chance) and I'm career-minded myself (I don't need your career either)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Marriage is important for having kids and raising kids, because having a mommy and a daddy are important to a child's development. It used to be that marriage was what you did if you wanted to have sex because kids were such a prevalent byproduct of having it. Then birth control came around, and we as a nation said if the birth control doesn't work, you can go and have the fetus killed. And people do this for many reasons, from not wanting the child to have to live with a parent who wasn't ready to have them to pressure from family or significant others. Now because of birth control, medical procedures to end pregnancy, and no fault divorce, we live in a culture where sex is much less consequential in peoples' eyes. There is nothing stopping anyone from making a lifelong commitment to another with or without a wedding license.

    Some people want marriage for acceptance socially, some actually want to spend the rest of their life with a certain person as their companion through life's changes (careers, ups, downs, children, growing together as friends and lovers, etc). Marriage ties two people together financially, and they usually have sex, which has its own way of tying them together.

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    • I just see marriage as spending my life with a great companion, the man I can trust with my life when I finish my major but not for raising a family.

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    • Great would be to find a man who shares my views, no to kids but yes to marriage.

    • I feel like in our culture, all the things that marriage is for is also acceptable for people not married. But there's still something sacred about marriage. You might find it tough to find a guy who wants marriage without children. But there are guys out there who still want marriage.

What Guys Said 4

  • I don't think its a dumb idea. I think there's a serious gap between what we percieve society to be and where it is in reality and its needs along with it.

    I don't think you should buckle down too much in the idea that men are afraid of marriage. Maybe you've been speaking to the wrong men.

    Also you could argue about what you think a marriage should be at this stage, I'd say this is a perfect opportunity to just pick what defines marriage for you, whatever is most comfortable and then worry about other things that are less interchangable at this stage.

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  • Us guys hate marriage. some guys like guy like me would love to not have any kids with a girl. You'll attract a very particular kind of guy. You go girl.

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  • no, ... getting married is a vow to spend the rest of your life with the one and only one you want, , not a requirement to have kids or an excuse to get money...i don't fear marriage, I fear more about her falling out of love and leaving and cheating etc divorce.. cause girls usually are the ones who are never satisfied

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    • But we would also take risk in a marriage. We can still get cheated on even if being a great wife. This is what happened to certain older female members in my family. Their men not only cheated but got another woman pregnant.

      Cheating is for cowards. As for falling out of love; well I think that must be when someone isn't going any effort in keeping the marriage alive or maybe keeps declining intimacy.

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    • It means when one of them isn't even trying at all and completely ignoring their SO or acting like a total jerk (could be either one of them) and not being the same person you met. But I'm sure if the the marriage is overall good except for some arguments every now and then, it should be ok.

      If one of them is suddenly looking for something that doesn't exist in the marriage then the problem is them. It would just mean they got married with false expectations.

    • For the most part I agree, except about it not taking work if you're really in love...it absolutely does and never stops

  • Men fear marriage because of the legal and financial implications of being married. I don't think there are many men out there who want to get married but don't want kids. I think almost all the men who are willing to get married do it for the sake of the children.

    Seriously, I think the only way you're going to have a good chance of finding a guy like that is on a dating website, where you can search for guys who want marriage but not kids.

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    • Men can have children without being in a relationship with women. It costs more money though, as they have to buy and egg and pay for a surrogate. Just as women can get sperm from a sperm bank. Single men can also foster and adopt children. So a man doesn't have to be married or dating to have children of his own, biologically, or non biologically.

What Girls Said 7

  • No, some married people don't have or want children.

    Marriage has benefits when it comes to legal matters regarding health and finances. As wills can be contested by family members and the government. IF there is no will marriage protects your rights as a partner in medical emergencies, and property.

    Cohabitation has its risks, as you could not make any legal decisions if your SO was in an accident and required an experimental surgery, or if fell into a coma. You also run the risk of losing any acquired property if such possessions are not legally in your name. The family or the government can take that property away from you even if you were together for 40 years.

    So marriage isn't JUST for having children. There are other reasons why people get married.

    Some people even get married for love.

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  • I have no interest in getting married or having kids but if we found out I was pregnant in the morning it still wouldn't mean "we have to get married "

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  • I have a kid, but don't really want the marriage just for the kid. I honestly don't see how my son coyld be put oft or made fun of, for having his mom and dad love eachother, but not be married. Sure, I would like to be engaged(mainly cause I found a baddass ring) but I certainly don't plan on tying the knot anytime soon.

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  • That's the only reason why I'm getting married.

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  • You want to get engaged but not married?

    I think you're thinking about the whole concept of marriage in too superficial a way. You're also thinking of marriage as having a pay-as-you-go plan.

    Here are some assumptions that I think you're making that your should revisit:

    1) All men are afraid of marrying all women, but do it anyway in order to reproduce.

    2) The only benefit of marriage is to reproduce.

    3) You are already married to your career and will always be perfectly satisfied with devoting your entire life to work and money.

    Let me ask you a very fundamental question. What makes your life worth living?

    Right now, it seems like you are content. You are content with living by yourself, earning your own way, living to work, rather than working to live. In my humble opinion, you are too easily pleased. There are far more precious things in life that you still haven't realized, and you will never even know what you're missing until you learn to give to people without expecting anything back. More importantly: you have to realize that there are people that give because it makes them happy, and not because they expect something in return. Not everyone, not every guy, is so utilitarian and cynical about marriage as you are.

    In fact, most aren't.

    I think you've probably had some bad experiences where you've figured out that it's safer to mistrust people. It is safer, but you are forfeiting the game in order to avoid striking out - metaphorically speaking. You shouldn't look to get married just to get married. You should get married, because you've found the right man with whom to share the rest of your life and it's the best way to keep on knowing each other

    Marriage does not only exist so humans can reproduce. If that were the only purpose, people would automatically break up as soon as the kids were self sufficient like animals do. Marriage is the ultimate friendship. Friendship is the ultimate love. Lovers are always talking about their love, but friends are rarely talking about their friendship - but about their common interests. Once two people are over being erotically obsessed with each other, there is one thing left to sustain the relationship: friendship..and that is a marriage.

    "In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets." And this is why marriage has other benefits than merely reproducing. It helps you become more of the person you are supposed to be. It helps you become more generous, patient, and compassionate for other people. It helps you become less selfish, and therefore more able to help other people.

    It is like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first on an airplane before trying to help others. You need to make sure you're taken care of before you will be able to help anyone else. Friendship, especially the ultimate friendship, will enrich your life.

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  • No, there are many financial benefits.

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  • For your situation it sounds like yes, that's the only reason marriage would be a thing for you. I don't have an interest in kids but I'm interested in marriage because I am religious and do not believe in living together or having sex before marriage but I am interested in doing those things so that means I would have to be married.

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    • We're similar in one thing; I don't do and have never moved in together with a man. I won't ever do cohabitation without getting engaged and if I just wanted a boyfriend, then we would be dating separately. Though, I'm an atheist and have no problems with a sexual relationship, just not the cohabitation part.

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