Would you ever not marry someone because of their career?

Are there any circumstances you could imagine, where you couldn't handle it?

I feel a bit weird, becuase I do. my boyfriend proposed and I am seriously reconsidering it, mainly because of his choice of career. He's in the military, which I know is honourable and brave and everything but my dad was too (still is actually) and while I love him, I hated his job.

All the moving around, him being away, fearing he's dead every time the phone rings or a military car comes by... There are so many things.

A lot of things are not as bad for young couple but I don't want to put my kids through the same thing.

My boyfriend does have an engineering degree from a military academy and just finished his med degree, so there are alternatives, once he has served his time, but I asked him once and he said he was happy and didn't want to change areas

So... I don't know . It's tough, Am I alone in placing that much importance on it?

Also he wants to get married soon, because surprise surprise, he's being deployed


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A am a family oriented guy that wants kids, so a career oriented woman, that is to say a woman that places her career above the needs of her family, would be an instant deal breaker. I have no interest in being with woman, that is always gone on business. I don't care if a woman has a job, but any career that either of us may have that causes harm to our family is not acceptable.

    There is no way I could consider a woman that has a job that takes my wife away from me that much, or puts the future mother of my children in harms way. I don't know how military wives put up with that.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you are placing too much importance on it. Do you want him or not?

    Also I think it IS really stable, in the monetary compensation sense. I mean, you always have a job.

    Besides, it makes a difference if he's an officer or not. Whichever the case, ask how long he plans to stay in. If he plans to bail at 20 years when you're golden because you'll only be like 40.

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    • I may be 40 but our kids would be 10 or older and he may be dead. Soldiers die, that's no secret, I don't get why anyone would volunteer for that?

      He's an officer ya, but so was my dad and I don't think it makes much of a difference

      I do want hi, but you know growing up like that was really hard and it was the one thing I didn't want when I started a family

    • I sorta get it. A guy does what a guy has to do. I'm applying for a commission right now and dying is the last thing on my mind. Seems wives have a real problem with it for whatever reason. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't want to die either and neither does your man... but I dunno. Whatever lol.

    • haha for some reason wives don't want their husbands to be in a line of work where their lives are constantly on the line. what a mystery!

  • I think a lot of people would sympathize with you. Military life sucks. No stability, which most people rather desire. And it is pretty important--considering that for the duration of the time, he's frequently going to be gone for months, you're going to be constantly relocating... it's not for everyone.

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  • Definitely. I would not marry a woman who is a lawyer or a doctor, for example, because family is important to me and I want a wife for whom being a mom and wife are more important to her than her career.

    So no, you're not alone and I don't think you're placing too much importance on it. Only you can decide that.

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    • well I'm also a doctor and I think you're jugment is wrong thinking I don't care about family

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    • I'm sure you do think I'm wrong. Most women like you do, but facts don't lie. Kids deserve better.

    • Not going to lie med school an the first few years are tough, but after that it gets way easier.
      by the time I have kids I'd be working as gynocologist, relatively normal hours.
      And even in a hospital nurses have busy schedules too

What Girls Said 4

  • I wouldn't be able to marry a cop or a military man. I respect the men and women in those lines of work but I would be a nervous wreck 100% of the time worrying about them. I also wouldn't want my entire life to revolve around his deployment schedule (if he were military). being rushed into marriage is just one example of that.

    I would also consider how he would provide for our future kids. I make a decent wage and I would never expect my husband to fully support me, but I also wouldn't want to worry about whether we could pay our bills. both partners need to contribute so his career would also be a consideration if he was in a field with little job stability or if he was unemployed. If he traveled too much (with no chance of that slowing down ever) that would also be an issue. I want a full family unit and that means being involved too.

    Maybe my standards are too high but I'm willing to give exactly as much (or more) as I expect to receive, so I think it's fair enough.

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  • No, I wouldn't not marry him because of his career. If I fell in love, I fell in love...

    It would suck being married to a military man, but I would love him and stand by him through it all. and be faithful of course..

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    • idk I think it's just not fair to any potential kids we'd have. You know my mom and dad, they choose that , so that's on them

      But kids suffer the most from situations like that and they had no saying whatsoever

      I think maybe he'll change his mind after deployment, I can't imagine anyone actually enjoys that

    • when you get married, you can bring your kids and wife with you...

    • to war?

  • I'd marry him if I loved him. But I can also sympathise with you - I'd myself be a wreck and constantly praying he is fine etc

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  • Well, yeah. I'm not going to marry a plumber or something.

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