Am I being a supreme b!*ch? Please help?

Been married five years. Have two kids 16, and 4. I'm about to finish my college degree if we stay in this state long enough as we have moved three times in five years. My husband has taken jobs that have offered more pay, but its been especially hard on our relationship. I can count on one hand tje numberbif friends I have that I can count on. My husband has many, many more. Our last vacation was our honeymoon. The last time we Were intimate was two years ago. We just moved here nine months ago. I'm still not working but caring for our four year old day and night and watching over our teen. Had two date nights total last year without the kids. We can't afford a vaca as either we would have to take the kids or oay a babysitter. Ill be working in next two months once my credentials come in.
Here's what hurts. He gas business trips almost every month and gets to go out on business dinners with colleagues while I'm home with kids. He is still asking for guy weekends and boys nights while I stay home. Not once adking me if I would like to meet him for a drink or go out to dinner as I'm told to take one for the team and he should be allowed out and its not his fault I don't have friends. When I ask him when arebwe going out he says I'm working on it. Mind you we have separate checking accts. Never had a joint acct. I have $8. That's it. And I get blasted for being such a bitch not letting him go to hockey game Saturday night followed by him going away Monday morning through Wednesday night. He again will be having dinners out and ill be home with kids. I don't get flowers but my bday and mothers day. Clothes come sometimes. I do my own hair color and treat myself to one pedicure annually. I don't get play money. When his friends ask why he can't come out he telks them its because his wife won't let him and she would be mad as we haven't had a vacation and she wants that first. Am I wrong? Should I just say ok to him going out and me home alone?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Short answer: No, you're not. As his wife and as the mother of two children, you automatically carry a heavier load. Being in college only makes things more difficult. Your husband is working to ensure that you and the kids are fed, clothed, and housed, so it's perfectly okay for him to want some time to himself. That being said, he also has a responsibility to you as his companion. It seems that right now, he views you as more of a burden than as the woman that he more intimately shares his life with.

    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Again, he should have time to himself once every now and then, but he also has to meet your wants and needs as well, not just as "the wife and mother", but as his love.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Getting together with the guys is important, but romancing your wife needs to be your top priority, in my opinion. And it seems like a red flag for you to not have joint accounts.

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    • Thank u for your thoughts. I go back and fourth a the time on this. I agree that guy time is important but when there's no romance going on, and I work to make sure I don't look like a dead mommy on the outside , although I may feel it on the inside, it eats at me. Ill try to be a bit more understanding. .

  • You mentioned in an answer comment that he won't try counseling until you've tried working it out by yourselves. It doesn't sound like he's even trying to work on it. What I would do is sit him down and say to him, "I feel like you're taking advantage of me and I don't like it. I want to be able to go out and also not keep you from going out too but you've been going out with your friends a lot and would like you and I to have some time together. We need to talk about some things and work on our marriage. If you're not willing to work on it together, we need to go to counseling, because I'm unhappy". If he's not receptive to this, you have some serious thinking to do about why you're still with him. You're not being a bitch, you have feelings, but I think right now you're handling it the wrong way--number one failure of relationships, is communication.

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  • You both sound ridiculous to me. I see so many problems here I don't know where to begin.

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  • Typical how the women on here will agree with the QA. Look he's busting his ass to make sure you, and your kids have a roof over your heads, food on the table and clothes on your backs. So yes in a way you are being a b! tch not saying you are but acting like one. We all know if the gender roles were reverse your husband would be called a loser, a deadbeat etc.

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    • Thank you for being honest. I know time with friends is important. But my beef was when we have no money for "date night" and I'm home with kids till my own job starts after nine months of not working, I'd like my turn first. I get it that my job is to also keep the house nice and laundry done.. but its not going to go over well with me when I'm doing all of it without so much as a thank u. I'm trying.

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    • Yes.. 16 year old can and does babysit.. but I'm not working yet.. we have separate checking accounts at separate banks. I deposited my kast check from my kast employer 9 months ago and that's all the money I've ever had. If he can afford to buy me something he will. Sometimes I ask sometimes I don't. I have $8 to my name. He will make sure the house has food before his business trip next week but no free spending cash for myself nor for kids to take them out if I wanted

    • Do what most women do when he's not looking take some money from is wallet. LOL.

What Girls Said 2

  • Your husband sounds like a real jack ass if I'm going to be perfectly honest. You should NOT stand for someone who isn't going to give you the freedom and the means to enjoy your life and you should not be treated like a babysitter rather than a wife. I think you've been TOO kind, not at all bitchy. This man needs to be put in his place!

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    • I hear you and appreciate your thoughts. I've mentioned counseling before. He said he would go only after we tried on our own first. Too many empty promises and no emotional connection

  • You're not being a bitch. You're husband needs to understand that you're his wife and not a babysitter.

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