He is 33 I am 25 he isn't ready for marriage and doesn't like to talk about it either although he sys he love me and isn't going anywhere?

Ok so here is the basics. We have been together for almost 2 years have lived together for a year as well. We share the bills and don't argue about money. Things tend to go well and we don't argue about much at all. The biggest fights we have been in were about him and his flirty personality. It isn't an issue often but it pisses me off just the same. He hasn't cheated physically but when ex flings come around there has been a few times he couldnt resist the "hows it going please flirt with me so I feel more like a man" BS. Anyways im over it and he knows how it makes me feel so fingers crossed that he knocks it off. I have tried to talk to him about a future over the past few months and he just gets pissy. First it was just a piece of paper and he wasn't going anywhere there for he didn't want to be married... then his excuse was he never said he doesn't want to be married he just thinks WE are NOT ready and we need to be together longer. I never said lets get married tomorrow I simply said do you see yourself marrying me and when and he just says we are not ready. He doesn't have a time frame or goals or anything. I know there are a few things like dental work and tax stuff he wants to sort out which is fine, but if that's what he is waiting for all he has to do is say it. In addition I have yet to see him do anything that shows an attempt to accomplish the above or save money but he keeps talking about the start of building a hot rod by the end of the year. That's fine he likes those things its a cool hobby but what about your teeth and your taxes and my RING!!!... I just don't know what the hell to do. He says he loves me and isn't going anywhere but how much of that is true. If he isn't ready then fine but at least give me a time frame and show me the efforts..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it seems pretty clear that he doesn't want to commit to anything. Giving a time frame is also making a commitment, so he doesn't want to do that. It's impossible for anyone here to know why he doesn't want to make a commitment--you are in the best position to understand that because you know his history. He may have had a bad experience with with his parents' marriage (or seen bad results from friends' marriages), he may not want children, he may be a person who just doesn't want to commit, or he may be happy with the way things are...

    It may sound crass, but if a guy is getting everything he wants out of the current situation, then what motivation would he have to change it? Of course, many guys want to get married and have kids--but there are plenty of guys who don't want that if they can avoid it. For some people, getting married represents the "end of an era" in their lives. The choice has been made, and they are no longer "available"--there will be no more new women/men in their romantic life. It may not even be a conscious thought, but somehow "settling down" can seem like the end of life as they know it. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but people are complex and they can hold different (and possibly conflicting) views in their mind at the same time...

    Your decision is to (1) keep waiting and see what happens, or (2) force the issue. If you're willing to wait (and you don't want to risk a breakup), then #1 is the best choice. #2 has that breakup risk, but you will know exactly where you stand--at this moment. That's the tricky thing, because it's always possible that he will decide to settle down in a few years--if you force him to make a decision now, then you are putting it all on the line based on how he feels *right now*. How he views his possibilities may be very different at 37, compared to 33 (I know that's harsh, but it may also be true). It isn't an easy situation to be in--I hope it works out for you...

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    • How is it fare to wait years for h to possibly commit or possibly leave. I've tried to talk to him and he just isn't having it.

    • I know, it's tough. From your point of view he may be acting unfairly--but is it a conscious decision to be unfair, or does he have some emotional block on this subject? Do you talk about other things that have emotional content, or is it just this topic that he refuses to discuss? Have you considered going to a counselor together? Would he even consider that?

    • He doesn't talk about his mom she is homeless and astranged his ex of 4 years has a kid by another man but he thought it was his for many years and shelled out money until he met me. He knew I wasn't his kid before he met me he just still gave her money all the time and he doesn't like to talk much about that either

What Guys Said 1

  • Because statistically speaking, marriage ruins almost every aspect of a relationship. Intimacy, sex, passion, happiness, productivity, etc. There is much evidence supporting this.

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What Girls Said 3

  • i would feel a bit edgy too if my boyfriend kept dancing around the subject of marriage. he could just be one of those people that are content to never be married for the rest of their life. if you think he is just waiting for the dental work and tax stuff, why don't you just ask him? because it seems like if its any other reason, you might have some thinking to do if you want marriage and he doesn't. he probably really does love you and doesn't want to go anywhere, but he may not have the same future envisioned with you as you do with him. hope things work out!

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    • I did ask him about taxes and what not and he said yes that's part if it and we just are not ready. He isn't ready not me and he hasn't even attempted to fix what he said needed fixing

    • do you think you two are ready to be married? if so, try to pull why he thinks you two aren't ready and then explain your side.

    • Tried that and he just says we are not ready with no explanation other than he doesn't want to yet.

  • Sth is wrong here.
    First why are you so angry?
    Second, why do you want to get marry like somebody puts a gun on you?
    Third, if you are not happy with him, why do you continue this relationship?
    Fourth, he will not change. Forget about it; Are you ready to take him as it it?
    Fifth, talk to him, share your concerns. Don't get drowned in your worries. I hope things get better.

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  • Tell him to stop his tomfoolery and put his money where his mouth is. If not. THROW YOUR PIECE SIGN UP AND DIP... he's not worth your time...

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    • that basically where the convo went over the weekend. I told him he had no valid point and we are not ready isn't an excuse since he had no explanation and if he wasn't going to give me what I want he was in the wrong relationship. I also told him I just need a time frame not a ring tomorrow and he still just shut his mouth and ignored me the rest of the evening. we have 2 weddings to go to this weekend so lets see how that goes...

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    • I've deff already started pulling away from him. He will either get it or leave

    • I agree.

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