Im not offended by this but...?

I'm in an interracial relationship. I'm black. Been with my boyfriend 2 years. I met his parents in the middle of last year.

Before meeting them, I said something really offensive!

I said to him "I'm just thinking, your grandparents are really old, what if they don't fully approve of or are comfortable with us dating?" He got really offended by this.

Months later, I met his parents. His mom told me a couple times that she is happy that her son is dating me and how sweet they think I am. (I totally love his mom).

Anyway, his parents flew me and my partner out 6 months later to spend Christmas with them in another state. I met his extended family on his mom's side day before Christmas and we all drove to his dads side the next day for Christmas.

Me and my partner's grandma (she's white) spoke for like hours on her couch.

We spoke about everything. Even race! And one moment she asked about my ethnicity. I said I was a black Jamaican. So she then said something like "so you're not like African American kind of ethnic. You know what I mean" she struggled to choose a word, "like negro" she said.

I'm not offended and I was so comfortable speaking with her and hanging out. My boyfriend was there and heard and didn't say anything. (Haha poor guy).

I just keep thinking about it and wondering about the term... I never brought it up to my partner but I just don't want him to feel Awkward as if it offended me.


Well my fam wouldn't say anything racially negative about white people... We are a family with diff racial backgrounds...

To be clear... I was just worried about what my boyfriend would think about it since he got so offended just because I was a little afraid the grandparents may not approve of us because I'm black... In the beginning I thought "maybe he thinks that our conversation about race validated my fear."

I've got my plan now! Thanks everyone!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I was always annoyed with racist point of view. If a guy love a girl, he loves her race too. He was supposed to say something. It was the least he should do.

    • I just laughed because I thought it was funny. She was really sweet so I don't think she meant anything negative. I just don't want him thinking I found it offensive :)

    • Show All
    • Read about all these nazi rallies and stuff lol

    • Tnx for B.A.

What Guys Said 25

  • well ethnically if you are jamaican you are not actually African American. you are still "negro" (despite the fact that nobody uses that term), black, or whatever as those terms really only apply to your skin color and not your ethnicity.

    you are afro-jamaican (if you are directly from Jamaica) and afro-American if you were born in America. am I right?

    I'm not quite sure I understand that conundrum you're facing. Your question about the grandarents seems fair enough as you simply wondered allowed how an older white person views race relations. Your partner's grandma also asked a fair question about your ethnicity. Unless the inference is that she isn't cool with afro-Americans but because you're jamaican or afro-jamaican it's alright that seems to be the only potential foul up

    overrall it sounds ot me like you are in a great relationship and worrying unecessarily about small aspects of the relationship because a part of you is simply not 100% comfortable dealing with the family (which is fair).

    In my opinion no harm no foul was committed in any of the situations

    • Thanks so much! I so love his family! Just worried about his thoughts. You're right, I'm totally over thinking this! Thanks

  • Don't worry about it. As white people, we're all just afraid one day we'll end up being senile and saying vaguely racist things. Think of all the old people in your family. I'm sure one or two of them would call your man "white devil."

    That might embarrass you or not.

    As for me being petrified by what my family has to say, I've learned to deal with it. We are a bunch of crazy crackers, after all. There's lots of opportunity to both crack up and cringe at what older people say.

    Grandma doesn't have a white hood in her closet, and you and I know it. Your boyfriend might take a peek next time they ask him over to mow the lawn or unclog the sink drain, though.

    Point is, previous generations are more likely to be isolationists who watch Fox news and do other embarrassing things. And many of the people my age are finding out that they are turning into crotchety old f***ers, too.

    White people, as with other races, are born open minded. There are no racists in preschool.

    As we age, that changes based on input and assumptions.

    Those of us who date outside our race are blessed with more open minds, and more challenged assumptions.

    Those who become cut off and stick to people who look like, act like, and think like themselves can end up xenophobic, and even Republican.

    They're the morons who think that "all the n-words are coming to take over, as soon as Obama takes away all the guns."

  • It happens with old people. My grandpa (only remaining grandparent) is the same way. Very racist. But he's a italian who grew up during the ww2 era, when racism and segregation was still prevalent. Remember, civil rights didn't really take hold until the 50's. So our grandparents all grew up in a racist world. By the time civil rights became successful, they were already 30-40 year old, in which case, their philosophies and values had already taken hold. Don't take it personal, which I aware you haven't, just realize its common, and that its because of the world they were raised in.

    • Thanks! I agree with you!

  • So grandma is a bit prejudice.

    "So she then said something like "so you're not like African American kind of ethnic. You know what I mean" she struggled to choose a word, "like negro" she said. "

    She's probably picturing some stereotype of American blacks, and assuming you don't fit that stereotype because you are Jamaican.

    You got along with the family and they seem to like you too, including grandma. That's what matters. If grandma is a little prejudice it's probably not a lot, or you would have noticed it.

    • Yeah... I wouldn't really care even if she was haha. I'm just worried about what he thinks lol. We are so open but that's the one thing I don't want to bring up because of his reaction to something of that topic last time.

  • As far as what he thinks, you should already know this. His grandmother being the way she is is not new or unknown to him. If he brought you to meet family and extended family then he does not care what color your skin is on the outside. Take what could be a great relationship and enjoy it. Show his grandmother through your thoughts, words and actions that there is a difference. Help her to see and break down the barriers.

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