Here's my attempt:
"Mr/Mrs 1950s person... I possess a device, in my pocket, that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of puppies and get in arguments with strangers. Welcome!"
Most Helpful Girl
"Mr/Mrs 1950s person... Welcome to 2015. Here was have gadgets that can accesses worldwide information about nearly everything and anything you wish to know. The modern man or woman has put this to good use in finding personal information about a stranger who has caught his or her eye or to become acquainted with the various styles of the act to produce a child. We've also taken the liberty to post ever minute detail of our lives on to this worldwide data collection and complain about invasion of privacy. Welcome! "0