I'm just at a breaking point now.
Up until I was around 13, I was fairly outgoing. I was a super outgoing little kid and I always had a ton of friends. I don't know what changed but eventually I became more and more shy.
Once high school started it got really bad. I have social anxiety. I rarely go through drive throughs and I prefer self checkouts. I get really nervous easily and I'm constantly at least a little embarrassed. Its even gotten to a point where I'm no longer completely comfortable around family and close friends.
I assume most people dislike me or are thinking negatively of me. When I'm being stared at I assume that the person is judging how I look. I often think I'm being stared at when I'm not as well.
I think I'm bad at most things, to the point where I won't do anything that involves use of skill around others because I think I'll be bad and embarrass myself. Everything about me is embarassing to me. Every situation has the potential to be very embarassing to me.
I rarely look in the mirror at my face unless I have to and when I do I dim the lights. I very very rarely take pictures and when I do I delete them, except a couple.
I only take pictures with others when drunk.
I'm even embarassed when someone says I'm attractive (not a common occurrence) because I know I'm not and I think they've either got really low standards or they're just being stupid. I get asked out/have guys ask for my number often enough I guess (I think about 3-4 have asked for my # since February) and I've had a couple guys admit to liking me, I've had my fair share trying to just get in my pants, but again I just think they have low standards. It never makes me feel better.
I'm really insecure about everything and it makes impossible to be intimate with someone. I can't talk about how I feel and I can't show them who I truly am because I'm ashamed of myself. I hate myself so much and it is ruining my life. I don't know what to do anymore.
Most Helpful Guy
Whoa... long essay to read but that's fine, love it.
Didn't felt this was too long when you are writing it? Because you were mainly concentrating about the current situation...
See, this is my point, always think about the future... What is about to happen... Not about now, because tomorrow there will be another 'now' and you will start counting them...
Its true, people change, today is not the same as yesterday and you got to adopt to it because that's what life is. You fall but you got to get up.. getup! And walk, breaks those barriers and never let anyone pull you down. Even your own self.
You said that you have started hating your life. Tell me one, just one reason. Why? Give me one reasonable answer?
Nothing!. Its you the one who brings your self down, so you need to motivate your self. You need to look in to that mirror and see the true beauty in you because ''everything starts within you" you just have to find what it is and to start developing it.
It maybe because of your age I guess, because it happens, maybe due to depression but that's normal... You can start spending time with yourself... you can teach yourself how important you are because its your life! You live it and you make your own rules... Don't let anyone decided who your going to be...
Also I apologize for the confusing opinion... I mean I wish if I can tell you more but, I don't know where to begin...
But the last word I want say is that,
Start enjoying your moment, live in the future and never let you bring yourself down.. because your life comes first!
Good luck ^^