Finished my first screenplay. Tell me what you think if the sample?

Fade in




INT. Marcus and Kara's apartment-day




Marcus is bringing boxes into the apartment.




Marcus


(Tired)


Kara these are the last of the boxes? right?




Kara


If I said yes, would that make you feel better?




Marcus falls on the couch.




Kara comes in the living room from the bedroom.




MARCUS


How come you don't have to carry none of these boxes?




KARA


Because you're the man. Use those muscles.




MARCUS


I'm going to use a few later on tonight.




Kara sits next to Marcus on the couch.




KARA


I'm just so glad that we have our own place baby.




MARCUS


Me too baby.




KARA


So now we can be alone together and do whatever we want.




Marcus


You mean get stoned and play Call Of Duty online on a Friday night then have sex Saturday morning?




KARA


Hell yeah.




Kara and Marcus high five each other.




Fade in




INT. MARCUS AND KARA'S APARTMENT-continuous




Marcus puts the empty boxes away in the closet.




MARCUS


Okay baby I think it's the last of them. Come check it out.




Kara comes in the living room and looks around.




KARA


(Amazed</d

Updates:
MARCUS
What do you want?

DIMITRI
Mercedes and I was wondering, are we friends now?

Marcus
Yeah, we are.

DIMITRI
Good because we wanted to invite you guys again.

MARCUS
I don't know man. Kara doesn't really like your...

DIMITRI
This time out to a resturant.

MARCUS
At What time?

Dimitri
Tomorrow at seven, Three Dollar Cafe. We can have dinner and watch the game.

Marcus
Bet. We'll be there.

Dimitri
Awesome. Later man.

Marcus
Later dude.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • sorry man, but fix yer post... not easy 2 read wid so many spaces :|

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What Girls Said 2

  • You should have sampled a more exciting part. Based on what you have here, I wouldn't want to see more Sorry

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  • its good..

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What Guys Said 2

  • Very good story. Bravo

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  • Good start... wonder what happens next?

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