Marriage rates declining, divorce rates high - then, should we really care about old fashioned romantic/sexual values?

Not to suggest that you can't be married without those values, of course. However, I had a conversation with my grandmother, who is liberal for her time, but still a bit conservative at times. She makes all these comments about how I should stop having sex until marriage, not showing too much skin, lest the guy get the wrong idea, not focusing too much on intellectual development and career because men are turned off by women who are smarter than they are, and I'm already a "know-it-all," etc. All my "weaknesses" in her opinion, basically. And I'm like, for what exactly? Aside from the fact that most guys my age are so not looking to get married, younger people in general are not focused on that. You have to take care of yourself in this world, which is a good thing in a lot of ways. Millenials, especially career-driven young people living in big cities like myself, are less likely to get married young. I'm almost 25 now and completely single. there's no marriage in sight for the next few years, and I'm not even dating anyone. A high percentage (compared to years past) of us are estimated to likely never be married, and an even higher percentage will be divorced.

Knowing all of that, why should we even try to impress these guys (or girls) and live by old fashioned standards? It's a new day out here, something I dont think grammy has fully understood yet.

What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Clearly, we don't care about these values. Those who hang on will just end up disappointing themselves... the last refuge will probably be weird religious cults that will continue inbreeding...

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What Guys Said 7

  • You need to be self-sufficient, educated, and have employment skills in a modern world.
    The stupid defenceless female no longer qualifies for a free lunch, if she can't contribute to a marriage.
    There were always marriages that failed, but more people stayed together in misery.

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  • I have been married for 28 years and I do not regret it. It is far better than I thought it would be actually and much better than havings stayed single. What you called old fashioned is a lifestyle that has worked for thousands of years. What I read on hear is how unhappy people seem to be. Many reasons to be married such as it is better for the kids having two parents in their day to day lives, more money for the houshold as teo incomes always beats one or one at home beats paying for childcare a lot of the time and certainly is safer for the children, you have a lifelong companion and best friend, you have someone you can lean or and depend on, you have complimenting skills and abilities while also having contrasts that make it fun and interesting. Attracting the right kind of guy is important and your grandmother knows this. Dont want to get married, fine, just dont think of it as so old fashioned that it isn't worth something as it can be far far better than being single.

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    • Oh, and I have seen news reprots that say is marriage for the rich now. As twomincomes beats one, I would say being married can make you richer. Marriage is much more common between two college grads now so the less educated and therefore poorer people re the ones left not marrying. Perhaos it is better said that marriage is for the educated, lol.

    • If you've been married 28 years, you're from a completely different generation and culture, so I can understand your perspective considering that. My parents have been married longer than you have and their marriage isn't at all the pretty picture you're painting, not by a long shot lol Everyones realities are different

    • Everyone's reality is different. Some people chose poorly. Some shouldn't marry at all. But for many, it is great.

  • There are benefits to marriage. A lifelong commitment is the nicest thing to experience outside of being a parent. That is the best... being a parent.

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    • That's not really the topic though... I'm not really asking about benefits to marriage. There are potential benefits to anything. However, our divorce rates don't indicate that most married people will be together for a "lifetime"

      I can be a parent without being married, and I plan to. Single parenthood is hard, but I agree, I think being a parent is a love I definitely want to experience. I think the love I'd have for my child would pretty much top any other kind of love in the universe. I want that experience, married or not married.

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    • I agree, her herefortheday

    • I agree, herefortheday

  • I believe there is value in what the old timers say, in the olden days yes people waited for marriage to have sex but they married in there teens. I dont think its possible for to man or woman wait for a wedding biology always wins. I think the case of milenials is not falling marriage rates but but falling birth rates, countries such as japan, germany and Russia are already facing a crisis that women are having children much later and having much less. A countries greatest resource are it's children and a country with an aging population with no young to support it is doomed so goverments will soon have to do more to encourage young women to have more babies. For the record men adore smart, intelligent women who know their own mind.

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  • I think people should live the way they feel like living so when you are on your death bed you have no regrets. Pretty sure i missed some commas but uggghhhhh.

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  • If you don't want a relationship, then don't have one.

    Have a realistic view of what you bring to the table compared to your competition if you decide to look for a relationship eventually.

    Remember that there are always two other people involved when you're having a kid, and that it doesn't have much to do with you.

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  • There are huge advantages to women who marry stable men, and women's marriage prospects are best in their 20's (though early 30's aren't bad either).

    I think the specific advice your grandmother has is - in some cases - quite dated.

    I'm not sure you should shape your career in ways that make you appealing to men (by not sure I mean, hell no).

    But making a conscious effort to meet guys is a good idea. Especially as you move beyond school, just magically meeting someone might happen, but far more often requires an actual effort.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I mean, I don't want to be with someone so old-fashioned to be threatened by my career and intellect. Marriage isn't necessarily on the decline - it's changing and that's a good thing.

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    • Technically it is, fewer people are getting married and later than they were before, and divorce rates are much higher than they were several decades ago. Marriage is also valued less, for a variety of political, social, and economic reasons. It is changing, but the numbers actually are on the decline. In some countries its much worse though, for economic reasons.

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