Am I a hypocrit for not paying for my own drinks?

I concider myself a feminist and im all for equality. So i was on a date last night with a guy that payed for everything, no question asked. He would aks me what and if i wanted anything, when i said yes he just got up and bought it for me.

I didn't expect him to pay for me at all, i brought more then enought money to buy drinks for me and him. But at the end of the day of he wants to pay for me, im not going to stop him.

For some reason i feel like bad person for not telling him i can pay for myself or that he doesn't need to pay for me. Am i a hypocrit for not buy my own drinks?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's hypocritical to let someone do something nice for you, especially if you were and are prepared to do the same for them. If you go out with this one again, you can pay next time. No big deal.

    I don't like the idea that there have to be really strict rules about what being a feminist and an independent woman looks like. I think you can believe that women are equal to men and still accept when people do nice things for you (holding open doors, paying for dinner, etc.) because I think everyone should do nice things for everyone else. It might prescribe to the norm, but at its core, it's a nice gesture (and one you were prepared to reciprocate).

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What Guys Said 10

  • hypocrite? I don't think so. and he wanted to buy them for you, who cares.

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  • You're only a hypocrite if your feminist views extend to all sorts of details about how men and women engage when it comes to mating. If e. g. you had written a long diatribe about how men are sexist for doing "chivalrous" things like opening doors etc.

    But if you basically want equality under the law, equality in the public sphere, in the job market, and want women to be treated with as much dignity as men, then no, you are not.

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  • i believe every person should pay their own drinks no matter wot :)

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    • and thats fair enough!

  • You're welcome to pay me a coffee. :D :D

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  • Consensual parasitism is less bad than non-consensual parasitism, though the same moral code underlies them both, which is why traditionalism and feminism are essentially the same.

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  • No. If I take a woman out, I like to feel like I am taking care of her. That includes paying for her drinks.

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  • No, what he did is standard date behavior and has been for hundreds of years.

    I'm not being sarcastic when I say that if people think about how men and women have interacted for centuries, and why, they'll be less antagonistic toward each other.

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  • The next time he asks you out
    Just put up a condition where the bills are on you :)
    That should help you get off the kinda guilt

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  • No, you're a typical feminist: advantages without responsibilities :)

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  • I think you should pay, I think better to take turns otherwise no equality bit if you are ok with lying NP.

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    • You should offer but if he again insists then np

What Girls Said 9

  • Don't feel bad. Being a feminist has nothing to do with going out on date. If he wants to treat you let him treat you. Its a nice thing.

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    • i guess you're right :) and it didn't seem like he had a problem with it, so i guess i'll pay for the next date :)

    • Yeah, don't worry about it so much. And if he insists on paying, just let him. But its always nice to just casually pay or put money towards it. Don't feel a major obligation to.

  • Honestly , I've spoken to some overly aggressive feminist on here that think every nice gesture/action a man does is demeaning to a woman.
    Why can't someone just enjoy a gentleman? It doesn't mean he sees you as less equal.

    If equality is important to you treat him the next time u both go out.

    You won't be seen in a hypocritical sense if you did that in my opinion.

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  • No. If he took you out it is fine that he paid.

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    • yeah, he asked me out

  • I would have at least offered once and if he said no then left it. But I wouldn't have let him time after time go and get them. You're not a hypocrite, just inconsiderate...

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  • maybe on the next date YOU pay for both drinks

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  • It's not unfeminist if someone buys something for you, especially because you didn't make him or ask for him to. How about instead next time you treat him to return the favor.

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  • Feminist does not mean "I will always buy my own drinks' so no, you are not a hypocrite. Personally I would have insisted on buying some drinks for us both, but that's just me. I'm the same with my friends.

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  • I guess...

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  • Typical feminist mentality.

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    • is it typical for a feminist to think she's a hypocrit for not pay her own drinks?

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