Girls, Why are women so non-understanding about how neglected fathers feel during first years of the kid's childhood?

Girls, Why are women so non-understanding about how neglected husbands feel during first years of the kid's childhood?

Whenever a man says he feels neglected because of the first few years of their kid's childhood, the mother says he is being irrational and is immature for being jealous and so on and he has to grow up. When a man complains about the fact that the mother no longer looks at him with the same affection that she did before the child, she calls him jealous and immature


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He IS. How in the hell can he compete with a newborn who needs constant attention, affection, and nurturing? He's a grown ass man who can take care of himself.

    I'm not saying that she should neglect him, but there will be times when the baby takes precedence and he needs to understand that. This also means that there will be times when she's too tired to have sex or needs to rest and her loving husband should understand that as well.

    Besides, I don't know how he would even feel like he had time to feel neglected if he was helping out with the baby. If he isn't, fuck him.

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What Girls Said 19

  • It's not only women who are 'so non-understanding' about husbands being neglected. Women are neglected as well in that they generally do many more of the tasks involved in raising the child. Which is good and all, but that becomes their main duty in life. Men can still go to work, hang with friends, etc.. The man will have to understand that while the mother still loves him, her priority is now raising the child, not continuing to make the man feel desired and wanted.

    It's a natural shift in priorities.

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  • I don't think they're not understanding. A child is a huge responsibility! The love for a partner and a child is very different and the way you're going to show that love is also different. As much as fathers may need attention from their wife a child may need it more or at least just as much. The early stages are very hard anyways and parents feel a huge responsibility to make sure that child grows up fine and healthy. If you're a father you may be feeling like this because you're stressed. I can understand that but I think you should focus more on the child than yourself. My dad says having a baby is the only time you'll ever love someone more than yourself and he'd never be jealous of me when it comes to attention from my mom. I'm not putting you at fault. Try to be the best dad you can be. You will have plenty of time to receive attention or spend time with you wife. And if you miss making love with her that may have to wait lol. Remember-the baby comes first!😊

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    • I couldn't agree more with you your life changes when you have kids. I think guys don't totally understand it. Because they are not the one dealing with the kids it the women most of the time.

    • Yup! I think it takes a little while for the dads to adapt to having a child or at least to wake up and see how important they are. After all women are the ones giving birth to that child and I feel like we all have maternal instinct somehow so I feel like they're a deep bond between child and mom, dads still share that same bond but I feel like there's an extra special bond because that baby was inside you for 9 months! And Ya I totally believe your life revolves around your child once you have them, they're the apple of your eye.

  • I think all parents feel tired, weary, neglected, unhappy at different times when they are looking after their children but they put their own personal needs aside so that they can create a better life of the child. All woman experience some sort of pain giving birth but they don't talk about it because they know that is what it took to create the child in their lives. Mothers feel just as neglected as the father's but they put their needs aside for he benefit of the child they are trying to raise. But know that as you get older and as the children get older - they will be easier to manage IF you raise them properly and you will have more time to spend with your life partner.

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  • Many women lack the ability to see from a different perspective during that time. They are so overwhelmed by the joy of having a new child they make them a bigger priority. But there may be some jealousy from the man but the woman should be considerate and change some things so he knows that she still cares. The man will also have to understand that the baby is now a bigger priority , she carried him/her around for 9 months there's a bond there that dad's will never understand. But there is a bond between dad and child that mom will never understand. I guess it just takes understanding on both parts but some women take longer to realize that than others.

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  • Because children are more needy than adults. A mother's first priority is to provide physical and emotional care for her children, especially when they're young. So she uses up all her time and energy doing that, and then there's hardly any left over for her husband. Which is a big problem, because romantic relationships need to be fed or else they shrivel up and die.
    My parents always went out on a date twice a week when I was little. When I asked my mom why she liked to leave me behind, she said it was so she could fall in love with my dad again.

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  • I guess its quite normal to feel neglected because her attention is distributed. child care requires a lot of focus and attention , imagine if your mother neglected you as a child , how would you feel , would you prefer being a neglected father or a child? I feel you both need to communicate and understand eachothers needs , be more basicallly.

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  • Having a child changes people's priorities. If your only priority is getting your dick wet, maybe you shouldn't have had children.

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  • The woman is usually a bit more into the kid during that time.. If u would just tell her directly "Hun i need more time with u... I wanna have sex or eat or watch a movie with u.. I'm pretty sure she will make time for u then.. She understands ur pain in general but she can't act on it cuz she is busy.. With UR child... Hope U understand... :)

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  • Children require a lot of attention. I do child care at my church and it's kind of hard to give your attention to more than one person depending on the child.

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  • Communication is vital if you want to be heard and understood. Having small children is time consuming, exhausting, and can weigh down parents. Find time to get alone with mom and talk out your needs n hers. Make time for each other (no little ones), please. Sharing you love n affection will do wonders!

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  • The first is probably the most time consuming of all. Especially for new parents. With a the new changes happening, something has to give.

    How exactly are men neglected? Is it the sex? Or just attention in general?

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  • If you need validation from strangers, you are immature.

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  • In that aspect I don't think the husband looks at the wife the same as he did before the child either because men get irritated if the baby is crying and not happy and the mother doesn't have as much time to look as pretty as she used to your sex life is not as abundant as before so the same could be said both ways if he would take her out and get a baby sitter I bet she would pay him some attention

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  • Because the child needs the parents in order to survive. She doesn't simply have a desire to neglect her husband but she has to take care of business. Babies are a lot of work.

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  • I'm not sure exactly how you're family responsibilities are being handle in your home. But I think the whole "neglecting a spouse" situation ONLY happens when one the parent responsibilities are not equal. For example when a child is a new born and breastfeeding, there is a lot of attention/needs required to give to the child. The baby eats EVERY 2 hours and has to be burped after feeding, if the mom is the only one taking care of this because she's the one with the breasts THEN SHE IS OBVIOUSLY BUSY 12 HOURS out of 24 hours of the day just towards feeding. then about 5 minutes to burp the child after each feeding which adds up to 1 hr OUT OF THE DAY DEDICATED JUST BURPING THE CHILD. Babies poop a lot not counting pee. Averagely they poop 6 to 10 times a day, it takes about 3 mins to change a diaper so it roughly takes away 30 minutes from your day JUST FOR DIAPER CHANGE. Then there is other attentions like bath, they get sick, etc you get the point.

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    • There would be NO REASON for a spouse to feel neglected IF THEY ARE PUTTING 100% EFFORT in raising the child together with their spouse. Men I know you don't have breast to feed but you can help by bringing the child to the mom for her to breastfeed, then burp the child once she is done breastfeeding. Take turns changing the child, NOT JUST ONCE OR TWICE during the day but maybe for example from 3AM to 3PM one does it and from 3PM to 3AM the other parent takes over. WORKING TOGETHER IS KEY for both to be equal with parenting responsibilities and that way no one feels she/he is doing more than the other, therefore both will feel less overwhelmed and less tired, leading to having more energy to do activities together, going out for walks, watching tv together, conversing, mommy/daddy play time. Talk to your spouse, tell her you would like her to tell you (without blaming or arguing) what she would like you to help her with regarding your child.

    • Exactly. If that asshole has time to feel neglected because she's the one taking care of the baby, then that "father" needs to get a clue.

    • Well let's not judge the man. It looks like his trying to understand woman in this situation a little better. Everyone has their own point of view, and it's nice that he wants to try to understand the situation a little more. Now that we all are giving him our opinions he will be able to see things a little differently. From a woman's perspective. It may help him think differently and realize that no one is being neglected, but he can change the way he feels if he talks with his spouse and try to understand each other. I really hope they talk it out and figure out what he needs to change and what she needs to change in order for both to make things work. She probably needs a break, but they need to be equal and CONTINUE to be equal not just a few times.

  • The first couple years of parenthood can be very tough. The parents need to find some alone time together but, the simple fact is the child is going to dominate their time.

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  • Near where I live there's a father who plays with his children every day when he gets home from work. He doesn't feel neglected, he uses every opportunity to be with his kids!

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  • Sounds like you have some problems to work out... Family counciling maybe?

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  • You should know this before planning on having kids.

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