Gained weight due to external factors. locked up against my will. put on drugs. force fed. complicated lengthy. want advice on one thing?

took me a loong time even to get to the point where i could remember who i was. i still forget days. and every day is a struggle to regain my sense of who i am. never a problem before.

as for the weight, I've always been VERY thin. very physically active very comfortable with the space i occupied and very appreciated by the people i met. very in love with life. and ik was going to be an acvtor. i was trrtaiuning. i had offers. that will never happen now... 'this' will never be me? its surreal.

if i go back to where i was i'll have skin issues thast come from gaining and losing. i never even had a single strecth mark growing up. my body has always been a very spiritual and intellectusal plsace for me its my instrument and where i do mny work. its hard for me o vbdescrtibe the importance taking care of it held for my connection to everything i did and accomplished.. so im not going to try.

as for the situartion. its easy for me to lose weight, im not very into food. i eat to masintain to give my body what it needsa but i doint eat junk or enjoy food more trhan life-ever. cutting down is no hardship. thats not the problem. I don't know what to do. this is no life. my life was 100 % different person before. i dont even recognize me insiude. i used to run marathons and dancve around everywhere. i dont go out and i dont talk to peoplke. part of it is bc i dont recognize me-internally- part of it is the trrauma of what happened., part of it is just .. hard to explain.

anyhow if i stay how i am life will just be this big heavy wall, and it will put extra stress on my joints and organs. and exiust in a black hole for the remainder of my life., if i go back to where i was ill be light and feel like me if i ignore all the residuasl problems. ill have to always be detached from mysewlf top surive. ill probably look like a monster and will never be able to be naked. even writing this fills me with dread.

what would you do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Go the light option at least you won't have physical problems

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    • yeah my life will just suck. but its true at least ill be healthier.

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    • I'm a good non judgmental listener if you ever want to message me

    • thanks, if i can i will but this is pretty tough. i can't believe i even asked the question. im still shaking. but thank you:)

What Guys Said 2

  • You are a monster, go live under a bridge. (If you'll fit that is)

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  • You won't look like a monster. Lose the weight so you can live a healthier and happier life.

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    • I've seen what people look like after losing weight. its like a scarlet letter. ill never be able to forget the nightmare. bad enough it happened. but its true i don't want to be heavy. i just hate seeing my skin change., im going to feel so old.

    • Absolute worse case scenario you can get it fixed, but your skin will most likely look just fine.

    • thanks for the encouragement. either way its true im never going to live a real life if i dont even give myself a chance to fix things.

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