Can loosing a parent rear commitment issues in later life?

I recently had a discussion with my mum about my brother, my brother is coming on for 35. When he was 15 he lost his father to cancer (he is actually my half brother).
He went into a loop of missing school to go drinking and smoking with his friends, he rebelled against everything my mum wanted for him. She tried to take him to counselling however he refused to go and instead spent his life smoking and drinking with friends and floating between flirting with girls.
He moved in with his ex (she has been his ex for 4 years now) but he ruined the relationship by flirting with other girls. He took a while to move on from her leaving. He hasn't been in any kind of serious relationship since then until about 6 months ago he started dating a girl he has been friends with for a few years. She is lovely and he seems a lot more upbeat and happy however he seems to have had a little freak out and has flirted with another girl, his girlfriend has now found out and they have had an argument. She seems willing to try and work things out but I fear his issue routes back to the loss of his father. I wonder if he fears the loss of relationships so he sabotages them so he doesn't have to deal with his fears?
I think 15 is a crucial age I developing relationships into adulthood and I wonder if this part of him shuts off?
He also cannot deal with conflict, he is a very private person and he doesn't like to talk about his feelings. I think he has now spoken to his girlfjend about what went wrong and I hope that she can get though to him because maybe he can open up to her more than has done to us?

I would really ally appreciate any advice or any thoughts on this and apologies for the length of this post.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the most important sentence in your question is " I fear his issue routes back to the loss of his father. I wonder if he fears the loss of relationships so he sabotages them so he doesn't have to deal with his fears? "
    At a subconcious level this is how he thinks, you have to try and help break out of that cycle and for him to learn to trust/love again.

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    • Thank you for this, my mum told me she thought this was the issue as well as he sort of went off the rails (not unexpected really), she tried to take him to counselling but he refused. I think from that point he became scared of responsibility and commitment. He has bouts of feeling down and pushing people away as well so I wonder if getting to a certain point of closeness with people triggers him to freak out/get scared as if he cares he can get hurt if he looses them? I really appreciate your feed back, thank you 😊

    • Thanks for MHO

    • Hope it works out for you and your family

What Guys Said 3

  • i've lost my dad 11 years ago when i was 13, but it affect my life only back then... but 20 years l8r still affects him? maybe it differs from person-2-person...

    anyway, bad thing he does is when he flirts wid other gals meanwhile, whilst he shouldn't in my opinion... i dunno if he does it on purpose, but this thing ruins his relationships, as it seems

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    • Him and his father were extremely close and I think he struggles now. My mum was hard on him and tried to see him through it by demanding and bossing him. I think she thought she could pull him through it. She isn't so hard on him now but I think he was always dependant on her because she's always been there to help him 'control' his life

    • if they were reallly really close, then i'm afraid he'll affect him 4ever :/

  • Well words like "moving on" or "thinking positive" don't help in such situations. You're brother has gone through a lot, losing a father is quite a catastrophe for the mind to forget. I think it's time you told him that he must find his gifts and talents. it's the only thing that can change him.

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  • Yes it can.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he is going to let that affect him, then yes.

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