Parents who are over-achievers, why do they (or you) push kids like that?

I'm all for doing the best you can possibly do in school, better grades and such. But I can't see why some parents literally scream at their kids for getting bad grades, or even a C, then ground them or go off at them. Hell, we're all human and not perfect at everything or the smartest in every subject. Why do some parents push their kids to their limits, forcing them to do the best they can do, then conditioning the children for future jobs THEY, the parents, want their kids to have. Never mind what the kid themselves want to do in life, it's what the parents want. Can someone explain this to me? Explain to me why a parent thinks its a great idea to condition their child for what they think is great in life, but not give a damn about what the kid wants?

I'm asking because I have a friend whose parents are currently doing this with. They want her to be a doctor, she wants to be a biomedical engineer. They don't listen and, apparently, are super controlling as to who she's with and where. Controlling to a point where we can barely talk because they know me, as a student, and think I'll rub off on her. But no, lets ignore the fact that I'm going to college to be a vet hahaha.

Updates:
I get in terms of a good life an all, but I mean why push them to a point of not caring about what THEY want? What if they want a job thats good and all, but not what the parent wants?

0|0
5|3

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you have a higher achieving kid if you just let them be themselves and learn on their own, thats how i was raised and im in the top 5% of my class. Its wrong to push someone like that, it just garners resentment and pushes relationships apart. Best advice i can give is try to get scholarships and finacial aid on your own so you can choose what college amd what major you're going into (advice to your friend).

    0|0
    0|0
    • She's really smart and already doing that. What you've said could happen IS happening. They're pusshing her to her limits and now she's doing great just to get a scholarship and the hell away from them.

    • Thats probably the best option for her then, im sorry she's in a challenging and mentally draining situation, but im sure she will find a way to do what she really wants in life and i wish her the best of luck

What Girls Said 4

  • My parents didn't force me to over achieve I just forced myself to do it. The only thing they really did that seemed like they were pushing them was their reaction to my grades. I have always worked to get good grades so by about 5th grade it was expected. So id bring home my report card and if it was a b they'd say "it's good but you can do better". not in a mean way just in a very nonchalant kind of way.
    But most of it was me pushing myself. I knew what getting good grades could do, I knew how expensive college was, I knew how much stress not having money out on a family, I knew how much money we made and that it's be hard for them to support me because my sister didn't excellent in school or play in sports. I knew that so everything I did was to get good grades, to get a good scholarship, to get great grades in college, to get a great job after college, to live a happy life.
    So I pushed myself. I also craved attention because my parents were busy watching my other siblings.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I know this wasn't exactly hot you wanted (I'm sorry 😭) but I just wanted you to know that sometimes it's the kid pushing the self for approval.

    • Well I get THAT, and that's a good thing and all, but I meant parents. To be honest, I get your POV but I was far too depressed and emotionally neglected to give two shits about grades.

  • In this particular case it sounds like they want her to achieve the dream they were never able to achieve. Personally, I think becoming a biomedical engineer is a better option with a slightly less stressful career (but as an environmental engineer I am biased towards engineering)

    0|0
    0|0
  • They want their kids to have money, success, a comfortable life

    0|0
    0|0
  • probably out of fear that their kids will end up poor

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • We never had to scream at our son: we just handed him the right stuff and he swallowed all of it : history, languages, math, physics. Straight As from first grade to ph. dr.

    But yes, we handed him the carefully chosen material at the right moment and with the good 'sales talk'.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It's the opposite of the mentality "We had a bad life, our kids should learn life is no joke and suffer like we did."

  • They want their kids to do well - Have a good life

    0|1
    0|0
  • They have anxiety which causes them to constantly worry about the future.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...