Why does everyone laugh at me when I say I'll split chores with my future husband/wife?

So, I live in Turkey and unlike the West, Turkish people eat, drink and breathe gender roles. It's considered something you teach your child. We're a patriarchal country, but not like we'll-rape-and-exocute-you-if-you-commit-adultery-unless-you're-a-guy, more like you're-girl-so-you-have-to-help-mom-with-chores-while-your-brother-is-chilling-oh-and he-can-come-home-at-4AM-but-if-you-do-you're-dead-also-don't-let-anyone-see-your-hygenic-pads-because-periods-are-something-to-be-ashamed-of patriarchal. Husbands think they can rule over the wife and do anything to her. Domestic violence is pretty big and most women stay in abusive marriages for their kids or because they're dependent on the man's money.

When I tell my family members I won't do every chore in the house and split them with my partner, they simply laugh at me. Quoting them:

"πŸ˜†πŸ˜ why would he marry you then?"
"Why he would marry you if you're not going to serve? 😏"
"Then you'll never get married πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚"
"πŸ˜„ why would a man clean the windows?"

Why would he marry me? This question makes my blood boil. Why do you marry someone? You love themβ€”or you think you do. You want to settle down/have kids. There are a million reasons to marry and having your own personal servant is not one of them. They even try to teach me to cook so I can make a variety of foods for him. I want to be clear: there's shit to get done in a house and I won't starve myself or sleep in sheets our cat just pissed on yesterday. I'll get something done. But if you don't get something done, I won't be doing your part. If I cook, you clean. If you take the trash out, I'll change the cat's litter box. What's funny about that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess some societies are different.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think chores/duties/reponsibilities should be split equally between both partners

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  • well i'm not sure about how they run things in turkey but here in the good old U. S of A. that sounds like a fine idea.
    I believe in a full egalitarian house. so that means as long as i go to work and do chores you have to do the same thing that way we can't complain about one of us slacking because we both do the same amount.
    My advice move out of you backwards ass country and go find a man that will respect you as long as you respect him.

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  • I'd split the chores, I hate doing them but that doesn't mean that a woman should be forced to do them or I could hire a maid.

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  • 100% agreed, but you live in a country where people are used to this. I'm not saying they aren't wrong because they definitely are, but it's hard arguing against something that's been forced into their heads for their whole life.

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  • Shut up and wash the dishes.

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  • Well I guess Feminism is still ruining women in other countries and making them un-marriageable.

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What Girls Said 4

  • There's NOTHING funny about that..
    If I ever wanted to be married (and I don't) then I wouldn't want to do all the work for my dear husband.
    No, sorry but I'm not your maid.
    And really? I know how you feel.
    'Cause it's the same in my culture too..
    They think it's not a man's job to do.. -rolls eyes-
    Well let me tell you, it's not a women's job either.
    If she's doing that then good if she's not then who the hell are you to question her? Who the hell are you to say she's a bad wife?

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  • As a Turkish girl i totally agree with you and i think couples should split the chores. But i dont agree with the generalization cause i know some couples who share the duties. At least some couples from my family do it.

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  • I don't know but then I guess you shouldn't Marry a Turkish guy.,.

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  • Basically, Turkey being a Muslim country... When they laugh, remind them Mohammed helped his wife with house chores, he washed windows and took out the trash, why should you not want a man like Mohammed.

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    • Slso, remind them that Mohammed's first wife Khadija was an independant business woman who did providde for herself and even took the iniciative of contacting Mohammed about the marriage idea.

    • Thank you, it's true. Somebody just needs to tell some Muslims to stop mixing their culture with their religion and calling it Islam. I don't know much about khadija, but from what I know, and about other women, it baffles me some Muslim men actually justify their sexism and abuse with Islam. If khadija lived now in certain countries, they'd say she's a bad woman for making her own money and not relying on somebody but instead being equal to her love. After all, a woman came from Adams rib right...

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