I am attracted to men who cannot love me?

When I was young I held a greatly close relationship with my grandparents, when I grew up to be around 8 my grandparents cut me out of their life as my uncles partners childeren were a part in their life and they no longer had time for me.
I think this caused an abandonment issue within me, I became obsessed with validating that I was good enough and always picked guys that I knew had issues or couldn't love me. I think subcontiously I wanted to fix these men and in turn they would think I was great. I would be validated by them and I would of made someone love me that wasn't capable before.
I havw been in and out of painful and difficult relationships. I have been cheated on and lied to and I have been left over and over becuase I thought I could change these men when in reality I couldnt.
if a man is fully available, if he is a safe and consistent guy making effort with me, then I feel smothered. I will get better, some day?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you just haven't met the right men? I mean its hard to like someone that isn't really anyone or doesn't really do anything. When I read words about a guy being "safe" "consistent" "fully available" I think of a guy that's down on his luck, never really grasped how or what to do with his life. That doesn't sound attractive at all.

    Have you considered something else? I find with myself and a few others, when we meet someone we like as opposed to others, the way we communicate just changes from whoever you actually are to someone who really wants to get with this other person. So these people you want to try and be with, get this sort of desperate (and I get nervous sometimes) version of you instead and react accordingly.

    I'd say if you've ever wondered why you get approached a lot but can't seem to get with the people you like, I'd bet money that this might be the case.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you're right in your analysis. Girls who complain all the time about being 'suffocated' have childhood trauma, often feelings of abandonment, and are attracted fatally to men who will similarly abandon them again... They identify these men with their fathers.

    But you will need a professional's help to deal with the consequences of your childhood experiences.

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  • I've been on bad realtionships all my life too it happens. I dont know why I keep doing it tho. Hope you can fix this issue soon

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  • That's surprisingly normal and boring.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Seek counceling for yourself and try to look at situations objectively. Is this a good person to have in your life? Will they add to your life? Maybe as you start seeing how nice it is to have people instead of projects it will become easier to accept better partners for yourself.

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  • Start being attracted to men who can love you.

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  • wow you sound like my sister. She has always gotten involved with men that couldn't stick around. Abandonment issues and also commitment ones. I hope one day this will end and but so far it hasn't, she is now 28. I am tired of always picking up the pieces because those guys she dates leave her in so much pain, it hurts me to watch what it does to her. For your sake as well, you have to face your fears and maybe go for that guy that you normally wouldn't. Don't know what else to say, I just hope you meet someone worthy of your love. Good luck

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