How to stop "rejecting" guys for not being "perfect"?

I have failed many types when it comes to finding a partner.. i haven't been with a lot of guys, and it has only been over a 2 year period, but i have noticed that i do one thing pretty much everytime i meet a guy and i dont think its a good thing.

So you could say that since i dont have a lot of real life dating experience pretty much everything i have learned is online, movies, books etc. Non of my friends growing up really had boyfriends/girlfriends anyway, or my siblings so i didn't really have a "real life" view on how dating really was.

Anyway, the thing i do, or expect is that i always picture dating as a scenario where there is chemsitry right away, and we match perfectly and the dating scene is a dance on roses. But when i started dating and realised a lot of those guys werent "perfect" it made me second guess even dating them. If a guy didn't have all the qualities i wanted i didn't see him as potential boyfriend.. but at the same time i wouldn't really give a lot of myself aka being open and communicating etc.

I know that i was way off and no on is perfect.. but a part of me still gets turned off when i find out the guy im dating isn't into going to the gym, or likes motorcycles (have no idea why, but its a huge turn off lol). So any advice? it makes me stop trying before it even started basically


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had a couple of female friends like this. In all of their cases it was that they had unrealistic dating expectations. They wanted a dating fairy tale. Therefore they were always disappointed by the guys they met because no guy could ever be that perfect. Later they stopped doing that and found meaningful long term relationships.

    A possibility could also be that subconsciously you are not ready for a relationship and kind of use it to push guys away.

    As advise I can say perfection can be boring. A guy with different interests than you can sometimes add more to the relationship than a guy that has exactly the same interest as you. Get to know the guy you are meeting. Let people surprise you. Who knows what will happen.

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    • i will or i'll be single for the rest of my life lol and i think you have a point with the theory of me sunconsciously not being read for a relationbship because if i do continue dating a guy i need to be open and honest about my fears, insecurities etc.. and that can be very scary..

    • If so, yes, face those fears. Because my gut feeling says if you meet "Mr. Perfectly Right" right this moment you'll find a way to find something not perfect about him.

    • good luck with trying to land a tall-dark-handsome for more than a sex.

What Guys Said 4

  • I sincerely advice you to try and look at a persons positives rather than think of their minuses. Then the question of 'perfect will not arise'.

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  • You sound like you are way too picky. Instead of finding faults why not look for good qualities?

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    • im not that picky.. i have been on several dates with guys who asked me out that i didn necessarly find that attractive.. but the fact that i dont find the "super hot" discurages me from continue dating them.. one part of me know there is way more to them, but the another part of me can't look past looks.. And i want to try to find the good qualities, but i rarely get to know them very well so i only see the superficial stuff. . and if i dont like that i lose interest.. so any advice on how to continue dating guys that are great people but not necessarly hot?

    • I agree there has to some physical attraction, but how picky are you with it? For example I'm more attracted to girls who have shorter hair, however if her hair was long it wouldn't be a reason not to go on a date with her again.

      Give an example of something you didn't consider super hot with a guy and why you decided not to go out with him again.

      Lastly, unless there is something majorly unattractive about them (no teeth, haven't showered in three days, wore a shirt with holes on the first date) tell yourself you will give them a second date.

  • i think that even without trying, you will change for yourself. 'hopefully' you'll meet that one guy that you think is perfect, only to realize that he doesn't think that you are perfect, you'll be broken at first, then realize that you have to change.
    if that is really what you think, it doesn't matter what anybody says, prob nothing will change your mind!

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    • i just love when im asking for help in addition to obviously admiting i have a problem and getting an answer like yours, telling me basically to go fuck myself... If you didn't want to help.. then why did you even comment if i may ask?

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    • changing just because you think is right, isn't enough of a reason (in this case!)

    • i really do wish you (and everybody for that matter) nothing but the best!

  • Don't stop. Be you.

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