Girls, University advice? (Guys help too)?

Hi everyone,

I will attend university in fall 2015. I have trouble making friends in hs due to cliques and everyone being busy a lot. I made a small group of friends in senior year I felt bad about that and that is why my grades lowered (still got into uni). I never really got any dates (not even prom) or had much friends, and when I did have a crush on a cute girl, the following problems usually came.

A. She was almost always with her friends and did not let me hang with her since she was closely knit with them.

B. She had a boyfriend.

C. She was busy with homework / AP classes or summer courses.

It also does not help that I fantasize a lot of things. Like going out with friends, going to parties, and getting drinks / fast food / watching movies with them. Or even sharing a romantic moment with a girl in Hawaii / go with a date to a fraternity formal. So, I have some questions.

1. What can I do if I like a girl, but she isn't letting me hang out with her, even as a friend?

2. I will study computer science, which is male dominated and time consuming. so will I be strapped of opportunities to make friends and meeting girls?

3. How do I ask a girl to a frat/winter formal?

4. What can I do to succeed academically in college?

5. How can I find / create a social circle who I can go out / study with?

6. If I see a cute girl in class / school club , how to ask her out? Should I wait or ask her before another guy does?

7. I'm Indian and lacking muscle, so will that be a problem?

8. I mostly crush on Asian girls, especially Japanese. So will learning the language help me?

9. Is college better than high school socially?

10. My only hobbies include video games and movies, so will my opportunities for friends decrease?

11. I am not too funny, but I'm nice, so will I be disregarded by fun loving people?

12. How do I fulfill my fantasies and deal with my problems with girls?

13. Girls, what is the best way to become a good friend or even a boyfriend?

Updates:
few questions (since GAG limited my words).
14. Are frats expensive? Are they worth it for a solid friend circle / formal dates and how DO I afford to pay? Are there other options for friends or dance dates (my college Filipino club hosts winter balls)
15. I was viewed as a nice person in hs. should I stop being nice since nice guys finish last?
16. How cliquey is college?
17. What if a girl rejects me and she's the only (certain race) on campus or ps4 owner
18. How to be more confident

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Move on if she doesn't make the time for you she isn't interested. I will move mountains to make time for a guy I'm interested in so if she isn't making time for you she doesn't like you and you're wasting your time and emotional energy on her.
    2. One of my male housemates what a CompSci major and he was very good (and loved) what he was doing and seemed to still have time to play video games and what not. He had friends in other majors and faculties and was very involved with different programs involved with his major. Sorry that’s repetitive. But he would go on trips to Montreal with his group and they would party a bit or hang out in a pub and then the next day do their presentations or workshops or whatever they set out to do. Long story short, he has a very active social life and seems to be excelling at academics too. His major is a complete fit for him and he’s a friendly and talkative guy so your major should not get in the way AT ALL of your making friends and meeting girls.
    3. Ask a girl who you’ve been talking to and that you’re friendly with. More comfortable she is with you and closer you two are the more likely she’ll say yes. Asking a stranger who you don’t talk to much but think is cute is not super likely she’ll say yes, you still have a chance but it’s not a huge one. Asking in person is cuter and more impressive but you can also text her fb message her but again refer to the first two sentences I wrote. You don’t necessarily have to ask a girl out to every single dance or party, you can go to meet girls there too.
    4. TIME MANAGEMENT IS KEY. It’s so cliche but it truly is. And everyone as a different learning curve for adjusting to university so allow yourself to adjust without reaming yourself out for not doing as well as you’d expect. Other stuff, take advantage of the resources on campus (a learning centre, peer tutoring, counselling, a writing centre that reads over papers, TA office hours, your professor). Do your readings, keep on top of what’s due when, look over your syllabus fully, check your emails regularly, be respectful to your Profs (they’re people too), give yourself enough time to write papers or lab reports etc, and edit them as well. My best friend at UPenn goes to see a tutor about her courses even when she doesn’t really need it just to be sure. Do your best, it is a huge adjustment and change from high school. They expect better quality work and you won’t be able to get away with things you may have in (con'd)

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    • 4. (cont'd) They expect better quality work and you won’t be able to get away with things you may have in high school. But it’s completely doable, and you’ll come out of your first year a better student and human being. They push you but it’s realistic stuff you ARE capable of.
      5. My school (in Canada) holds a frosh week / orientation thing a full week before class for the frosh. Some people made friends there but I actually made most of my friends from my floor in my residence and then met more friends from people they knew and met. Some people make most of their friends in class and that’s where you’d be most likely to make friends to study with. Know your study habits too though, I personally don’t study as well with other people. There are sometimes facebook groups for a class or faculty so maybe there’s something for the CompSci’s. Keep a completely open mind towards meeting people, the friends I made and had for the first two years were all people I had made a (cont'd)

    • Show All
    • You can message me with any other questions you might have about college / university.

    • thank you. do you have any advice for college students?

What Girls Said 6

  • 1. If he's not letting you hang out with her, even as a friend, then chances are she's not really comfortable around you and you should maybe leave her alone.

    2. It might make it harder to meet girls, but that just means you have to make more of an effort on campus or join clubs when you can or go out more with friends to try and meet girls at student events in town.

    3. Just ask! Just be like 'hey, do you wanna go to ____ with me?' Chances are she'll say yes, if she says no for any other reason then she's not going at all, then just drop it and deal with it.

    4. Work hard in class, take notes (notes are a life saver for when it comes to exams), do extra work, always talk to your professor whenever you're stuck on anything.

    5. Choose guys from your class to study with - definitely. They can also be your friends. Try finding extra curricular activities for friendship groups, or just approach people who look a little lost around campus - you're all going to be new, so you'll find someone who needs a friend.

    6. Again, just ask her, ask what she thinks about you two doing something Saturday night. If she says yes, then great. If she says no, say no problem, it's not a big deal - try to make sure your friendship isn't awkward later on. Wait enough to get a good idea whether you like each other, but don't wait too long or she might get bored and meet someone else.

    7. Not in my opinion. It wouldn't put me off you, but maybe for some other girls, that wouldn't be attractive.

    8. Most Japanese girls (and also most all Asians) who have grown up in the US don't know Japanese.

    9. I'd say so, yeah. There's a wider variety of people.

    10. Movies could work if there's movie clubs, but you might need to learn to be more outgoing to increase your social circle.

    11. Possibly. I couldn't be with someone who wouldn't make me laugh. But your sense of humour might work well with other people's.

    12. You find a girl, become good friends and then maybe gradually move it up to a meaningful relationship.

    13. Be considerate and kind. View women as people rather than just relationship prospects.

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  • Dear over thinker
    College is a reward for those that did well enough in HS
    as such it's a different planet, so it's best you jettison ALL of your numbered list - this will NOT apply on this new planet
    1. it's very important to befriend anyone/everyone in your path those first few weeks when everyone's lost. Help a few navigate, walk/talk with others that want a bit of company, always be available (tell them how to get hold of you 24/7). These can be friends for life... odd, eh?
    2. Always attend co-ed socials that the dorms and even Greeks put on. The former will be more friendly sheep, the Greeks are more like wolves. That said, NEVER allow your grades to slip even a tiny bit a) this is the weed out year and upper class profs don't want the burden of slackers, other than some jocks they are forced to bear, b) grad schools use a microscope on ALL grades undergrad
    3. Frats are socially oriented but the upper class Actives are wolves, taking from you, even gals, certainly money, time & confidence. Some may get a social boost, others get depressed. If none of these shoes fit, then better off on your own if you can compete with frat parties socially with gals.
    4. JOIN A SPORT, or at least Intermurals + some other organization of interest that has cute gals
    5. Form a school vacation stay-on-campus club for games/play during breaks instead of homebound = closer knit buddies/GFs... I forget to mention how important it is to stay on campus, at least that first year.. . even though sex might be limited, as you become MUST more accessible being center of the beehive and invite others over to the dorm to crash

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  • here's only a few answers to your questions, I hope i've helped!!
    1. Move on! Why waste your time with a girl who doesn’t want to hang out with you?

    2. Not at all! Joining clubs in college is a great way to make friends, and if you don’t make friends right away don’t worry, I didn’t really make friends until my second semester of college. But also, don’t try to make everyone like you! Just act yourself and personable and you should find people who will want to be around you but don’t be hurt if not everyone likes you.

    4. Stay up on your assignments and don’t be afraid to get help! There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a tutor or setting up extra time with your professor. Always try your hardest on big assignments, go class (!!), and try to do as much extra credit as possible.

    5. I lived on campus and befriended the guys next door, who turned out to be totally friendly and social! Sometimes just hanging out with other social, friendly people is the best way to widen your circle.

    6. Always get to know a girl before you ask her out! Establish a friendship with her, but don’t be afraid to be a bit flirty. Don’t ever ask someone out because you think they are physically attractive.

    7. not at all!! Just be confident in who you are and your good qualities, I honestly think people who are Indian/Middle Eastern are extremely attractive. But not everyone thinks that.

    8. No!! Don’t do this at all!!! Only learn a language because you either a.) have to or b.) want to. Don’t learn a language to impress someone else.

    9. I personally think it is, there's not as many cliques and no one really knows anyone else.

    10. Nope! You could totally hold movie marathons/movie nights and invite people on your floor/ people you know to them. My neighbors have invited us to watch movies with them in the lounge and we’ve played smash with them, so don’t worry about it!

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  • You should have asked your questions one by one - to get people who are interested in responding to them and responding well. As for the girl you liked - SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND!!! you should have known it was a waste of time when you met her. Don't learn Japanese or Chinese - spend ALL of your time studying computer science - girls like educated guys. Anything you do that doesn't benefit your family and career is a waste of time. If you can't meet girls anywhere else - go to a house of worship to meet girls. Problem solved. You can have no social contacts whatsoever and still meet girls.

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    • what is a house of worship?

    • for one thing - GAG has a limitations of questions per day (I'm new). and for that girl, I did move on and find others, but they were busy, had friends, or boyfriends as well. still friendly though

    • I looked up horse of worship and want to add the fact that I am not religous

  • Oh man, that's far too many questions for me to address properly right now.

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  • Oh wow, you're thinking too much. Sometimes it can be a problem. Don't try to change yourself to "fit in". Everyone is different, if you'll try to be everyone's ideal, there won't be much left of who you really are. You have some interests and hobbies, how about finding someone who feels the same? It can be a first step. Just look around. Uni can be stressful for anyone, I'm sure there are many people who feels the same way that you do.

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    • I understand. Just don't want to have a low social life again, like high school :(

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