Deleted my questions about something to do with my dad's death and I don't get answers too often on real questions neither. I just see desperate sad sad guys and dumb girls around trying to get attention. No real question or answers, I am done with this shit.
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I saw your question. I had actually typed a reply to it, and then I couldn't submit because the question was gone.
You mentioned suicidal tendencies. This site's moderators make quick work of those sort of questions. For good reasons too (you will get the wrong type of advice on this site, plus the site owners obviously don't want any responsibility when it comes to someone killing themselves).
I don't remember exactly what I was writing in response to your question, it was quite long. Bottom line was though that your dad spent 20 years preparing you for the life you have yet to live, and that you shouldn't put that to waste.4