How can I deal with this mid life crisis essentially?

Im basically freaking out right now; i feel slightly suicidal although I would never act on this becayse I am too fearful. Im only 22 and im already having a midlife crisis. Im experiencing something like an extreme anxiety attack combined with depression.

I am horribly and completely unsatisfied with my social life and I feel empty, alone. I can't talk to anyone except to post this rant to GAG.

My best friend recently died and he was the one person I could really talk to about anything. But i'm completely alienated from my fraternity, i can no longer hang out with my high school friends since they all moved away, and I don't really have any other friends in college. No girl is remotely interested in a relationship with me either and the only way I can describe my romantic life is this: sexual frustration and infinite rejection.

I have no family too besides my mom and my dad, and they would tell me to stop being so ungrateful and whiny if I were to tell them this.

All I have is my computer and drugs to fullfill me. As my social life has waned and nobody seems to care about me. I have become dependent on drugs to fill thevoid in my soul. I feel detached from the world--none of this is real; it can't be. At this rate I will end up completely alone without anyone whatsoever. All charity work I do feels worthless and nobody cares about my volunteering. I feel as if volunteer work is a complete waste of time.

The only thing I have done for the past month is work and do drugs. No one wants to hang out with me and all the other interns I work with have excluded me from their social gatherings. Sometimes I can't sleep and I just stare at the empty wall for hours unable to think or process anything. Its a refuge for me where I can distance myself from the world and pretend i don't exist. I feel like im losing my mental faculties. Psycholgoists have been worthless and have told me to get over it just like my parents. I don't know what to do my life seems like its over.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing and I'm sorry your dissatisfied with your life right now. I really hope it gets better for ya. Also, I think that's cool u volunteer, what kind of volunteering do u do?

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    • Sorry for that random question of volunteering, I was just trying to make small talk & i wasent sure if u really wanted me to answer ur question or not lol. I think thats cool that u do a lot of charity work, cuz it shows ur a good person, who cares for others. And u may not know it or not but all the charity work u do is not worthless, ur making someone else life a lot better. I'm sure they are very grateful for ur time & your work. U just may not get a chance to see it.
      Do u have any other hobbies or interests besides volunteering? Do u work? or have u tried joining any school clubs to meet people? Or have u met anyone fun u like to volunteer with?

      U know shouldn't really do drugs cuz it will only cause more problems for yourself & that's one more problem u have to fix. I'm not trying to sound all preachy but there's got to be another healthier way for u to deal with things other than the things that will cause u more trouble & pain. I have felt like u before, so ur not alone.

    • I design websites for free for non profits. Thank you for your concern though. I am just so alone. When I am older and my parents pass away I will truly have no one. Even now this is my only outlet which is pathetic. I think that my work is worthless though because clearly the universe is empty and devoid of any meaning just like my social life so what's the point of charity? And yes I've tried many avenues including Greek life, school clubs, bars, etc. But unfortunately my volunteer work is solo Web design so I barely even get any gratitude for my work. Also this may sound selfish but why should I be helping others when I need help and yet I don't even have anyone who will listen to me. I don't feel that I owe anyome besides my parents and some other exceptions, or the universe, anything. Drugs are my consolation. Whenever I feel lonely or have romantic desires that I know can't be fulfilled, drugs are there to mitigate negative feelings and give me reflief.

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