Should I get help with my homicidal tendencies towards people after snapping into anger, beating a guy up from?

bottling up this traumatizing, frustration and anger all my life from my s3xual assault in my pre-teen years?

Right now, I'm a guy who just turned 18 years old recently and you people will most likely not believe me or just "congratulate" me on how "lucky" I am to go through this when I tell you this but when I was 12 years old, my mom (who's a single and always busy working) hired a female babysitter to watch me. This one day, the babysitter brought her boyfriend with her, who's a grown man in his 30s. The next thing that happens is that they double team me to m0lest me (pulling my pants and underwear down and touching me down their inappropriately). I never told my mom or any other adults about it because I've felt that she or no one else would believe me and refuse to acknowledge me as a victim because I'm a male.

5 years later on to my high school years, I eventually started confessing to a few so-called "friends"(mostly Seniors and Super Seniors) about it, Then they started constantly telling me how I'm such a "lucky b@stard" to have a 3s0me with a female babysitter and her man. I told them that I never enjoyed it at all. They started calling me a fag for my honest feelings toward it. Then, my fury and frustration that's bottled up, increased so high up from these guys selfishness, stupidity and ego, I started to snap an beat the bloody shit out of one of them while the rest took off running. Bystanders started calling the police on me and have me sent to juvenile detention center for several months for aggravated assault. I was released feeling even more angry from my injustice from the past.

As of right now, I have trust issues with people because of this. I have trust issues with women because I think they won't believe me because they're afriad of losing their victim status while the men will just refuse to acknowledge me as a child m0lest@tion victim because of one of my perpetrators' gender, along with men's egos.

  • Yes
    80% (4)67% (4)73% (8)Vote
  • No
    0% (0)17% (1)9% (1)Vote
  • Suck it up and stop being a little bitch!
    20% (1)16% (1)18% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
As of right now, I'm just having these homicidal thoughts towards all the idiots, especially here on the internet because of how they'll most likely mock and torment me for my past sexual abuse.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you made this up in response to a debate I saw on here a few days ago! so I'm sorry but I picked C. if this is real, then you know you need help dealing with everything already, and I'm sorry you had to stay with psycho people because that sounds horrible.

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    • Believe whatever the fuck you want. Whether you think I'm full of shit or not. One thing I will tell you is that a lot of different people go anonymous here so you won't really know if I'm that same person.

    • Show All
    • that comment... was actually funny.

    • And why is that? Please elaborate why?

Most Helpful Guy

  • You need help, friend, and I hope you get it. That is terrible, and you have my condolences. What you went through does not lose its validity due to your gender. I don't care what gender you are, what happened to you is unacceptable and deserves closure. Seek out professional help and try your damndest to get your life back. I hope you get the closure and help you need, and wish you the best of luck.
    Blessings. Remember, God has a plan for you, and He is there for you even when you are at your lowest.

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What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 5

  • Tell everyone to F*ck off! Honestly I would never tell anyone because I would have figured no one would believe me in the first place as well. The point of not telling anyone was because no one would believe, so why are you so hung up on wanting someone to believe you if you already know the outcome? When the world is against you, you go against it. Simple as that. Or just go to a therapist because until you are willing to track down this old babysitter and her boyfriend and you happen to have sufficient evidence to get justice in the court, get over it because it is just another sh*t day on earth if you ask me...

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  • No one can blame you for reacting the way you did. Those shitheads had no right to insult you like that. But you should seek some therapy, because if you blow up like that again at the wrong place or time, it could cost you your freedom or possibly your life.

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  • Dude, I feel for you. I've been there, and I was a mean violent SOB in high school. I'm glad I actually never killed anyone, though I came damned close. A few things to think about, now you are 18, there are some real consequences to your actions, society just doesn't like fighters. It's too easy to pick up assault charges. Get help before you end up in prison over some stupid crap.

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    • I figured I might as well resort to violence to get my point across since society never gives a shit about male victims of sexual abuse, especially if one of their perpetrators are women. Fuck this shithole world and it's fucking bullshit gender double standards. I can never live a happy and normal life because of it.

  • no matter what happened, you need to get your anger under control. its easy for us to say i know, but nothing good will come from lashing out at others. I think you should definitely see a councilor. Trust me i know its hard to admit to having issues, but you'll feel better for it. im speaking from experience here.

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  • I'm really sorry you had to go through that and that your friends fucked you over like that. Frankly, I'd do the same in your shoes.
    You should definitely get help. It's not healthy to keep anger bottled up, especially because of molestation. It'll be easier to tell a therapist than it would be your mum, so that's a good place to start.

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