What is wrong with me?

It seems like I've been trying to find a place where I belong since day one. I'm not sure why I asked this question. I guess I just wanted to vent. It's just that, every way I turn always turns out to be the wrong way. Most of my life I was the invisible girl in the background. I was the quiet, introverted, ugly, friendless girl. I never had any friends, I never was the pretty girl, and I was never wanted. Now everythings the same yet different. I'm still the ugly, friendless, introverted, quiet girl, but now I'm not invisible. Everybody sees me now and they hate me. Every time Ieave my house I feel their eyes on me, and I know that they're judging me. I hear the rumors they spread, I see the shit they talk, and I have read the stuff that they write. There used to be a spot that I loved to sit at by myself. It made me happy. They stole spray paint and painted dicks all over it and wrote "fuck you". I used to have a friend. They told her so many rumors that she just turned against me. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can never succeed. When I try to disappear, I'm miserable. It hurt knowing that nobody knew my name, and that nobody cared if I was around, and that nobody even acknowledged my existence. When I try to fit in then they hate me. I tried acting like them. I guess that that's all it was: AN ACT. They saw right through my act. So I guess this isn't really a question about what's wrong with me. I guess I already know what's wrong. I guess the real question is how do I become someone else. How do I become the girl that people want to be around, and that people care about, and that people love? Honestly I don't think I'll ever figure it out
on my own.


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What Guys Said 1

  • "It seems like I've been trying to find a place where I belong since day one. I'm not sure why I asked this question. "

    ^in other words u mean some group of people where u'll be accepted by 'em? :)

    "Most of my life I was the invisible girl in the background. I was the quiet, introverted, ugly, friendless girl. I never had any friends, I never was the pretty girl, and I was never wanted."

    ^actually as long as u didn't want to be da pretty gal yer situation's slightly better i'd say... ;)

    also i guess u r a shy person... so chances to be on da background r higher but this shouldn't let u down... u can improve yer life in other fields... where social skills r not required... ;)

    " Everybody sees me now and they hate me. Every time Ieave my house I feel their eyes on me, and I know that they're judging me. I hear the rumors they spread, I see the shit they talk, and I have read the stuff that they write."

    ^i disagree here... do they have any reason to hate u? u didn't do anything bad from wot i see judgin by yer description... but wot i assume's they r talkin shit about u coz possibly they believe u won't react... it happens unfortunately... :(

    "They stole spray paint and painted dicks all over it and wrote "fuck you". I used to have a friend. They told her so many rumors that she just turned against me."

    ^she wasn't a real friend then... if she believed those rumors she wasn't... a real friend wouldn't listen to rumors but only u...

    " It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can never succeed. When I try to disappear, I'm miserable. It hurt knowing that nobody knew my name, and that nobody cared if I was around, and that nobody even acknowledged my existence. "

    ^but wouldn't it be better to not know yer xistance and leave u alone than doin shitty things like... paint dicks on this seat of urs?

    "When I try to fit in then they hate me. I tried acting like them. I guess that that's all it was: AN ACT. "

    ^no no no... u shouldn't do this... u'll end up being hated if they realise u pretend to be someone u r not... so better be yerself... no matter who'll accept u or not... ;)

    "So I guess this isn't really a question about what's wrong with me. I guess I already know what's wrong. I guess the real question is how do I become someone else. "

    ^u have no reason to be someone else... first of all would u feel comfortable wid yerself being someone else? i don't think so... u'll end up hatin yer own self afterwards... :)

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    • "How do I become the girl that people want to be around, and that people care about, and that people love? Honestly I don't think I'll ever figure it out
      on my own."

      ^just be who u r... and fuck those people who don't accept u... don't mind 'em...

      personally as long as u r a good person and not a shitty one... like those guys who painted dicks on this seat or this friend who believed those stupid rumors... it's fine wid me... :)

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