How do people who aren't physically attractive have any self esteem?

I know this is extremely shallow but I get all my self esteem from my appearance. If I don't look good, I am not going to have high self esteem that day. I know this isn't a good thing and im trying to work on it so that's why I am wondering how I can get good confidence if I don't think I'm physically attractive enough?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your value as a person, which is measured by your self esteem, is only slightly affected by your appearance. If your profession is based on your appearance say like a supermodel, that changes things but only a little. How you treat others, your value system, your compassion, your honesty, your loyalty--all these are a much bigger part of who you are that how well you applied your make up this morning or that you're having a bad hair day. Your appearance is easy to repair. Your character, not remotely.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There are other things they draw their strength from.
    For example I myself can't really understand how people with a mere American college degree or a degree in art and humanities and no special talebts can have any confidence. I also can't understand how people who only know one language get around and aren't embarrassed about it.
    You see, since you think you look better than the average girl, you value your looks above everything else in life. If you had come to posess other qualities you'd constantly be asking yourself how other people can live without them.

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    • I have other qualities though, I just value appearance more. I need people to think I am pretty. It doesn't make sense either because I am successful and kind and I help people a lot and I have talents but I feel like if I am not going to get attention for my physical appearance, or if people are going to look at me and feel sorry for me for being ugly, then that's way worse than any other negative attention I could get.

    • Only because you see someone as ugly doesn't mean they think they are! To some degree most people think they are better looking than average. Which isn't true of course but they still do.

What Guys Said 9

  • They don't, that's the clincher.

    They may get a boost from doing non-attractiveness based qualities or from being hard-workers, but they're never gonna get validated to the same level that your average chick is gonna get.

    I mean how many times do you think a beautiful woman gets hit on if she's social? 20 times a day? It's not even comparable.

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  • It is in the genes plus the environment they have been brought up. It is not all about looks people. It is more than your attraction. It is your personality, ability to manipulate and I have seen people much more ugly able to get away with more. It is also about fate.

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  • They don't. They just convince themselves they have motivation and powerhouse it from there. I don't consider myself attractive. People have told me I am attractive in my life and I never believed them. There is no magic trick for people like me (or us) to get self esteem, you just summon as much fortitude as you can and move from there.

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  • It's all about seeing the flaws in other people... and remembering that everyone human.

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  • Cuase that's what YOU go by and believe. Ik you said you ain't tryna be shallow or nothin but damn, that's fucked up to say that...

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    • Actually I acknowledged that its shallow. And how is any of this "f*cked up." I said I get my self esteem from my appearance so I want to know how to be confident on a day when I look ugly. So I'm wondering how people who aren't physically attractive have confidence.

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    • uh no im not? Im asking how they get their self esteem? Im not saying they don't have any.

    • He just told you dear, how they portray themselves and the amount of self worth they have. If you only feel good on the days you think you look good you really need to work on some things internally because your good looks won't last forever.

  • Simple, they have none.

    They just don't care and have gone through that. They know being worried about it will only worse their life, appearance isn't all and being focused on it only makes you arrogant.

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  • I am someone who is funny, clever, charming (and modest ;) ), I know this because I have a large group of friends both male and female. My career prospects are good, I have a stable home and I do my best to help other people when I can.

    However I do know that I am very ugly. This is something you notice when people actually grimace when you make eyecontact with them etc.

    In my heart of hearts I am an introvert with little self-confidence wrapped up in an extroverted hail fellow well met. I understand that when you know that you are unattractive it is hard to value yourself for other qualities that you have. I for one do not blame you for doing so and I shall feel inadequate for this reason for sometime to come.

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  • There will be a lot of experiences in life through which your physical attractiveness won't work. It is much healthier if your self esteem is based on your achievements and your intellectual capacity.

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  • I have never cared much about how I look. If my self-esteem comes from anything beyond just being my nature it's from my abilities and my adherence to my moral principles.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't know maybe it can stem from your personality, your lifestyle, your hobbies or your traits etc. It depends on the person really.

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  • I'm sure that's how self esteem works though, I don't think that's shallow at all. if you don't feel good about yourself and in your case your looks one day, then surely it makes sense you don't feel good about yourself that day

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  • self esteem has nothing to do with looks! it has to do with how you feel about yourself as a person.

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